He Just Cant Love Me Back

It`s a complicated, yet rather simple story actually. I had first met him the March of my eighth grade year. He was a freshman, so i knew i would be going to highschool with him the next year. When i had first met him there was a small attraction to him, but it was nothing deeper than me thinking he was nice looking. Over the summer i began attending highschool youth group and i would see him there on occasion. I still felt attracted to him but emotionally we were not close and he was just another person. I didnt see him for a while and he rarely crossed my mind. Finally my freshman year of highschool rolled around, and i would see him in the halls every now and then, and i spoke to him on some ocassions. The night our friendship began was the night of the homecoming dance. We danced together and thats when my feelings for him came back. the next day i worked up enough nerve to text him and thats how we began becoming friends. As our friendship grew, so did my feelings for him. We would share secrets with each other that we didnt even tell our closest friends. By October i realized that i was beggining to fall in love with him. And i knew this wasnt a good thing because i knew he didnt like me as anything more than a friend. We were so honest with each other i told him that i loved him, knowing that he wouldnt say it back, and tell me that i didnt. But i did. I think he liked to think i didnt because he felt bad. I understood i couldnt change how he felt, but none the less my heart was still broken from the very moment i fell in love. Iwished there was some way i could change it and I prayed that God would put it in his heart to love me. I became depressed and did things to try and make him jealous. I tried replacing him with different guys, but no matter who i talked to, it still wasnt him. None could even begin to compare. He told me i couldnt be stuck on him forever and that i neede to move on. He didnt realize how hard i tried, and that it was nearly impossible. Finally i began to slowly heal, but i realized that he was my first love, so those feelings would always be in the back of my heart, even if i wasnt in love with him. We are still very close friends, and my love for him caused many issues in our friendship, but we have overcame them. People still tease us and say we are more than friends, because they think a guy and a girl cant have a purely platonic friendship. And when people do that it hurts me because it is a constant reminder of how we are NOT more than friends, but i push those comments aside and get on with my life. I am so thankful that he is my friend. I do not regret loving him. even though it was a very bad time in my life, It was also one of the best experiences i have ever had. I am very grateful for it because it has made me what i am today and it has been part of our friendship that has changed it forever. He taught me what it means to truely love another with all your heart, and for tha i will always be glad.
timegoesbysoslowly timegoesbysoslowly
18-21, F
Dec 12, 2012