I Am In Love With Him, But Will I Ever Have Him?

My best friend is the most amazing man. He is my soul mate and he knows it and says the same about me. There is nobody on this earth that understands me like him. He knows when something is on my mind sometimes before I even realize it. He is strong, kind, warm, funny, loving, sexy, and EVERYTHING I want and need. There isn't any topic we won't talk about even funny dirty talk. There is this fantastic sexual energy between us that we use to flirt with each other.

We met in 2010 at work and there was a quick connection between us. We laugh and joke even at work with each other. We go out and grab lunch with each other every day, even if it's just picking up lunch to bring back and eat with the rest of the office that eats in. We hold hands, we hug (boy do we hug, he holds me so tight), and we even give each other little pecks on the lips (nothing lingering). We are both very touchy and affectionate people so we enjoy that with each other. We talk about how we are and it's a choice by both of us and I know he likes it and wants it just as much as I do.

Here is the kicker. When we met we were both married. I have two small children but I have left my husband for reasons unrelated to the situation with my BFF++++ (as we like to call each other), but he is still married. She is a very sweet girl and not like me hardly at all. And what may make you all think I am nuts is that we all three hang out and do things together and are becoming a close knit group of friends. We were together on Christmas this year (since my kids were with their Dad) and again on New Years Eve.

So two days ago while out to lunch I sat him down a told him along our path of being BFF++++ I have fallen IN LOVE with him. He was quite the gentleman and reached across the table and held my hand and said we will continue to be us like we have always been. I told him that I had no expectations by telling him this piece of news and he told me that there couldn't be because he's married. So yeah I didn't hear it back from him. I can't say that I am convinced that means he isn't in love with me too nor am I naive enough to sit and obsess about it. It doesn't change how I feel for him. He is everything to me. He treats me how I have always wanted to be treated. He listens to me, he respects me, respects my feelings, is honest with me, and he does love me. And he loves my kids. I have never expected to actually feel like a queen but he does that for me. He makes me feel like the most beautiful and loved woman there is, and that's just as his bestie. But all of this is why we have added the ++++ to our BFF status with each other.

We joke about winning the lottery and having our own private island and all bets are off and having whatever we want with each other and she (his wife) having to accept our new set of rules. So I don't think I am crazy to feel like we are in the same boat with our feelings, but he does have a lovely little wife that he loves. Is he in love with her? That I am not sure of. I believe in my heart of hearts that I am thinking that time will tell. He calls me his and I call him mine. We have a song together, we have a favorite movie together, and if I even mention going on a date with anyone he squirms something awful.

We have decided not to talk about us with anyone we know just to protect ourselves. Being girl/guy BFF is hard for others to explain. We honestly haven't slept together but everyone assumes we have. We don't want to cross that line and he has such a sense of guilt that he would have to tell his wife right away. So an affair is out of the question, which makes me admire and respect him even more.

I want him to myself so badly, I want to have my family with him, he is my fairy tale. If anyone has any thoughts or advice please speak up, but please don't be cruel. I am a good person and I am opening my heart here.
aleighbelle aleighbelle
31-35, F
Jan 5, 2013