Rose Of Thorns

Well am kinda new to this. I usually let my emotions go by by listening to music of just taking out my anger on some video games computers. But I rather share my story to a random stranger than share with family or friends cause they tend to share the story out of context. Here's my story:
My last super long relationship ended in 2005. Due to an arranged marriage ! yes they still do this year in the US. unbelievable. I was heart broken. I did what I had to do in a relationship and in the end some lucky guy comes along and gets all the credit for the hard work I did with my ex. As mentioned I was heartbroken. So I hit the internet chat rooms. I started talking to random people. Started talking to this girl. Lets call her S in this story. So S became my love doctor. Someone I went to to share my pain during my last relationship. Hence we became great friends. She had her boyfriends while she helped me get over my ex. I started dating after that harsh break up.
As with relationship, things didn't work out with my relationship nor did it worked out for hers. Over the years we became best friends. We did the bff stuff. Movies, dinner, hangout, met her friends and family and vice versa. Shared bday and xmas gifts. But during all that I never looked at her like someone I would be interested in.
Then it hit me out of no where. I feel for her. Am kind of old school where I wrote all the girls names on a paper I was " talking to " or showed interest in and I put categories where I want in a girl. Guest who got all the check marks? Yes, my best friend S!. So I didn't want to live life with the "what if's" so I asked her out. Get ready for the expected reaction...........she said no I only see you as a friend. I think hearing this from someone is worse than hearing the actual cussing F word.
It killed me for a whole year. Then stubbornly I still held on hope. When she started talking to another guy, like a trigger effect, all the feelings came back to me. I mean it never left but I had to hold it back due to not losing a friend scenario. I asked her for another chance ( even though I didn't get a first chance the first time). And as expected " no " I don't like you like that. Another heart breaker. Things didn't work out with that guy for her as well.
So I met other girls after all this but yet the fear I have is, If I meet someone else, they might also just see me as a friend. So I once again just held back all this emotions for the sake of my friendship to S.
So this friendship with S is now going on 8 years! I only started drawing feelings for her 3 years ago. So like a butterfly effect, it happened again. She's talking to someone new, and am all emotional again. You know when you sit and stare at someone and you can see the future? You can look at the person eyes and just feel at home? This is how I feel when I am around S. But now, I just feel that hanging on to this hope and keeping faith has drawn everything out of me. I sit here pondering what will happen next? Am a firm believer of hope and faith and God only test you to your limits...but whats the point of doing all the great things a girl look for in a guy only to be foreshadowed by a new guy that know's nothing about you.
As of today, I have kept my distance. No calls, no text, When you can go almost 8 years of talking to S everyday, to almost a week of not talking to her, can literally pull a person year out of one's head. I've read all these other stories and I must admit, some turned out to be like a happily ever after moment...just hoping mines can be similar to that....::prays:::
Joker3ni Joker3ni
Feb 9, 2013