Not Sure I Would Say Love..

However everyone else seemed to call is that. Right now I'm going through a process where God is letting me grieve in all the places I never let my heart grieve in before. So here is the story of Will:

I first met Will at this place I used to hang out at all the time. I first got his attention by playing with the pet tarantula they had there. He was scared to death of it so I put it on his pant leg ;)

After that we began to talk and spend more time together. I started to really like him. He was the type of guy that always played it cool, not because he was trying to but because that was just him. He was a really tough person. All the guys loved and respected him, all the girls wanted to get into his heart. He was a man of few words, except when it came to me. He had a very hard exterior. 

Anyway about a month or so into us talking he makes it very clear that while he has been talking to me he had hooked up with another girl. I didn't like that at all so we decided to be friends. Well friends soon became best friends, we hung out every weekend and many times during the week. 

Will and I's relationship was NOT like your typical best friends. Every weekend I could count on him getting drunk, calling me, and telling me how i was the "love of his life" his "dream girl" "the one he was going to marry". He said it in this sly way though, not in a drunken confession of love sort of way, in a way that always made you uncertain if he was kidding or not. 

When we went out, my best friend called him my "body guard" because if I moved, Will moved. If I went to go talk to someone, Will was watching me. At parties guys could not hit on me, if they did Will would walk over, put his arm around me and ask why he was hitting on "his girl". However when people asked I was his "angel best friend" or "beautiful best friend" No one understood our relationship, in truth, I don't think we even did.

Sometimes in the car he would hold my hand, and it just felt comfortable. Then there was the rare occasion he would take me off guard and give me a quick kiss goodnight. So strange. Everyone thought we were dating, even when we were dating other people. We always flirted when we were out together, but he truly was my best friend.

We told each other everything. I was the first person he really opened up to about his life and family problems. The first girl to ever meet his mom. Then one New Years Eve (that I was supposed to spend with him, but he couldn't go out that night) I got really drunk and he called me at 12. We were talking and he started calling me the love of his life and all that jazz.

With liquid courage I snapped on him saying "Will! I don't know why you always say that. We have been best friends for over a year and you've had your chance to make me yours, but you never do! You don't see me like that!"

He replied, "Libby, you are crazy, loud, and talk WAY too much... but that's why I'm in love you, and that's why I will always love you. But my longest relationship has been one month, if we dated, I would mess it up, and then I would lose you. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in my life at all."

"Oh..."