My medium to the world

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I lived my life  feelng so disconnected from the world i live in, i feel i am not heard and i can't get through people neither they can get though me . everything i say or do is understood the other way around . i feel everything goes on the wrong track,that i am not with the flow and i go against the trend . until I met him 8 years ago.the fact we never met and he never saw me for real or even knows how i look like . is fascinating .the way he can read my thoughts and see my depths 

I can swear that from the first conversation we had on MSN chat room i knew there is something ties me to him,. i didn't't see how he looks like at the time until weeks later . i was shocked how he could tell things about me that i never shared with him or anyone, how he knew that i was waiting for him until he get on line even when i try not to seem like i was.

I love his perspectives in life ,being an artist , the way how he sees things in artistic way and sees beauty in everything ,, he has his own definitions of everything, that is almost like mine ,like he said once , even we say the same things on the same time .which is something never happened to me. our differences didn't matter and i never see them,infact he is the closest person to my heart and mind . , he has the ability to express my thoughts and feelings when i could't .

He was able to explain the things that i could never understand  that i could never figure them out, he knew the deepest desires and fantasies that i didn't  even know that they exist .

I have a problem expressing myself in the right words and I can't understand my complex personality . the hardest things to understand in life, were so simple when i am with him . even if its just on line .that's why , i fall so hard in love with him. 

things are so simple and easy when we talk, so wonderful , so perfect , it feels like we are watching the world from a distance together. mocking people's idiocy and ignorance , sympathizing the less fortunate , wishing that we could change the world . 

now he is mad at me for thinking he hides things from me , as he always did , and he doesn't care if he never hears from me anymore . it aches me when i think of the long nights we spent talking ,like our conversation can never end .

I miss him terribly , but i should get used it in order to move on . even when it seems like i won't ever .