Trying Not To Fall But I Can't Stop It

I actually went to see this guy's artwork on the day my now ex husband and I were supposed to finalize divorce papers. I didn't talk to him and my ex wanted to halt the divorce one more time to try. After that, I made a friendly connection online and followed his work. When he saw I did art before, he was thoughtful and posted a video for friends that had trouble believing in their work. We joked a lot and I drew stupid things to make him laugh then a more serious one for him. He ended up opening his door to me to come look at his work. We ended up getting along really well. It was as if we had been good friends for years.

After which I started spending more time just laughing, watching movies, and talking about our lives during he week I was in town. During which it had become evident that my dragged out divorce needed to be final. The talk went initially well but my ex never actually loves me as much as he was just used to having me around. A day or so after, things grew between my friend and I. He still hadn't finalized his divorce papers himself but had been separated for years. We then spent one evening holding hands like middle school kids, giddy. The next day we ended up kissing. Then I had to leave town. It was hard because it was the same interaction online after a while. He followed my artwork and was supportive. Kind. And encouraging. He didn't talk much about anything personal online but if I needed any tech help, he offered all kinds of help. Maybe he was shy

The next time I saw him was two weeks later. He was a gentleman and was happy to just kiss and cuddle. He said he believed relationships take time and effort. What happened next was probably one of the most amazing nights of my life. It could have not been more perfect. However, he spent the whole day after arguing with his ex over divorce papers and it was his day to see his daughter. This man moved overseas to get married and make things work because they got pregnant. Soon after she has feelings for someone else. I can't really say what else went wrong but he is genuinely kind. I felt that from the first moment I met him. I cannot help how I feel no matter how much I have tried to stop liking him. I end up liking him more. He is my sunshine. Truly. And I have no idea what he feels for me in return. I think I do but I wish I had more time. Honestly I have 8 months of these visits to decide if I am moving near where he lives or somewhere else. Should be enough time.