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My Long Distance Love

I like to pride myself on being a logical person the majority of the time. I usually think things through and try not to dive headfirst into things because I have learned what the outcome can be from past experience. Living where we do there is not a whole lot of variety in most anything and that includes dating, that being the downside to raising my boys here. I say that because this is a small town and the truth is you are quite possibly related to dang near anyone. Top that off with the fact that the few choices there are, well they like to think they are players and people experience a lot of heartbreak. I watched my oldest son, who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, go through that many times. Then he discovered the Internet, and he is quite good with computers. He then decided he could be the player and did his share of stringing the girls along. Guess he figured turn about was fair play but he took it out on the wrong batch of girls, yet he still managed to fall in love and get his heart broken a time or too himself. It used to drive me crazy because we are close and I would get to see him mope around for days because some girl who lived hundreds of miles away had broken up with him. Logical me would finally blow a gasket and tell him to get over it! How can you love someone you have never met that lives hundreds of miles away?!

I spend a lot of time alone because my husband is away for weeks at times. He is a truck driver, and tends to be when he so desires an a major jackass. I only went on line because I was taking classes that way and I played games once in a while to pass the time when I was not working. One evening I was checking my email and I had one from a site that my younger son was a member of, so I checked it out. Not long after that I got an invite from someone who said if I read their profile and decided I wasn't't interested they would understand. I wasn't't looking for romance, so I thought okay why not? I looked at it and we began sharing messages back and forth. He truly intrigued and interested me even though he was quite a bit older than me. He listened to me and offered advice when I asked for it. My husband and I were on the verge of splitting up and I had been looking into moving to Virginia or someplace. My new friend was married too, the stress was really beginning to weigh me down because my husband was not talking to me or answering my texts and he had been gone for nearly three weeks.

My new friend's wife was going out of town for a few days and he invited to come stay the weekend if I wanted. I was kind of leery because I had not met him and that is just not something that I did. I needed to get away though, my kids, work and everything were smothering me and I needed to get away from here for a day or two. So, I decided I would go, why not it was just sex and at that point I really didn't't care, I mean I was moving out anyway. Well of course mother nature tried to ruin my plans, but I decided to go anyway because I really wanted to meet him face to face and the feeling was mutual. We liked each other but neither of us was buying into that falling in love on line crap. 

So I went and we met. The weekend was an awesome stress relieving, weekend. I felt like I was going home the entire trip and I felt like I had known him my whole life. I saw him more after that, usually about once a month. I try to go to seminars in the area where he is just to spend time with him. We talked on the phone for hours at a time, and chatted every chance we got. We fought and argued like any couple, but the bond we felt was there and has only grown stronger over the last nearly five years. Now he tells me that he knew he loved me the first time he kissed me, but he knew if he told me that he would have never seen me again. The situation between us is a very complicated one, but yet we have continued on with it. We are both still married, those situations also complicated. There have been a whole lot of up hill battles because of a lifestyle we lead that is not accepted by many that is as big a secret as the affair we carry on behind our spouse's backs, but I apologize to all who have fallen in love on line for my simple inability to believe that it was even possible and I also apologize for my inability to believe that it was possible to love more than one person at a time because that too is also possible. 
bluetatoo19712000 bluetatoo19712000 36-40, F May 3, 2012

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