Not So Mysterious Girl...

It was July last year when I had my first ever online relationship. He was older than me and he was from the other side of the world, literally. We talked a lot and always joked about him swimming to me and me waiting in the middle of the ocean with a boat and a blanket... he was very sweet and he even introduced me to his family as his girlfriend (during a skype call), but it lasted a little less than a month because we faced the fact that it wouldn't work. It was heart breaking... I cried and told myself that I would never get into an online relationship ever again. But our hearts and brains don't work the way we want them to work.
I jumped from one relationship to another, pushing away once I realize that I'm getting in deep.
It's never easy, never nice.

Then I met this boy... he's 2 and a half years younger than me, he was sweet and adorable, he made me happy and he made me feel so special, we talked a lot before we got together officially... we talked about seeing each other in person, visiting and meeting up, being together in real time... I loved him so much. More than I loved all my other exes and my first love. I was willing to do anything for him, just to make him happy... then he started distancing himself... I could feel him slipping away very slowly... but I held on, I really did... I tried everything in my power to get him back, the old him back... but he was getting too far. I knew for a few weeks, that I should let him go, but I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. I was starting to become unhappy and hurt with how he was ignoring me and disregarding me. It hurt so much but I swallowed my pride and continued on as normal, making sure I let him know that I love him, how amazing he is and these things that i normally do. But in between these things, you have to know that he's the kind of boy who's in his dark stages... he has very rocky mood swings and stuff. I also found out that he's been talking to another girl (a friend) and that he's telling her that I didn't have time for a boyfriend anymore and stuff... I knew I should confront him about it, but I didn't. At one point, he did tell me about her but I didn't pry. One of my friends was telling me what was going on, so I knew anyway... he chose to be with me, and that was enough for me. I continued on, being the girlfriend that I am... but then I realized... he's just slipping farther away... pushing me away... and I was very unhappy. It took everything in me to do it, but I did break up with him not more than a month ago. It hurts. A lot. I cry over him a lot. I distracted myself with school and projects, and was going alright, but I had a moment to myself and he entered my mind, I couldn't help but break down as if he was the one who broke up with me. I still skip a heartbeat when I think of him, and I know that it's going to t ake some time to move on... I wanted to tell myself not to do it again, not to fall in love with a boy online, but i remember that I've told myself that and I still fell for this boy...

yesterday was supposed  to be our 5th month anniversary, but I didnt realize until this evening, and suddenly, I understood why I was the way I am yesterday: weepy and depressed.

I could tell myself a million times not to fall for t his boy or that, but I know that it would be useless, I do know that it could happen again, but maybe, when it does, I would be stronger. A little less selfless and a little more love for myself.

Online relationships aren't all fraud and fake, sometimes, the virtual magic is still there...
LionPrincess03 LionPrincess03
22-25, F
2 Responses May 13, 2012

It does hurt. Not that I was in an actual relationship online but I was fond of a few of my online friends. It hurts me so much that they are distancing themselves and ignoring me. And there is little you can do about it. They have their own life. Dont u feel like you care more about your online frds than real frds? <br />
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Love, you are getting stronger and It is alright to be sad, you were genuine.

I'm in a long distance relationship with a woman I met online . Though we have met and did have a wonderful time it is hard . I think of it a lot and what is hardest is that people have life's . They can't be there all the time and it feels distant and unreal at times . It is fun and safe till the feeling get overwhelming . Then you got to back off and look at it for what it is . Good luck to us both . Bless