I Don't Know What To Do...

Over 2 years ago, I met a guy online. The first time I saw him chatting in a public chatroom, I instantly liked him....even before saying a word to him. Then, we started talking a lot and few months later, we made it 'official'. Yes, it seems like the craziest idea to be having an online relationship with someone especially since you've never met the person physically. We have been together for almost 1 1/2 years now and we still have never met each other yet. He lives half-way across the world. The reason we haven't met yet is because we both don't have enough money to do so.

Things were fine until I got my current job. I got my current job 5 months ago and I took this job because it pays more. However, better pay means higher workload. It's funny cause I thought getting this job would mean we get to see each other sooner and things would be perfect. I was soooooooo wrong, though. My work started to pile up each and every day and we don't spend as much time as we used to because of that. I am always bringing work home and it doesn't help that when it is daytime for him, it would be night time for me. Since I got this job, I am always stressed out and snappy. So we started arguing a lot because I get overly sensitive about everything.

Things started to get from bad to worse. We argue every single day and we're not saying much to each other. Then he started saying that he isn't sure if this whole thing will work out or not. To be honest, I have my doubts about our future together, too. However, I do not want to give it all up just like that because I love him so much. He said he really loves me but he isn't sure about our future together. I'm not gonna lie, when he said that, my heart dropped and I felt like someone just kicked me to the ground. Then, I indirectly told him he could leave me if he wanted to but he doesn't want to do that either. He told me he needs more time to think about it. So, I give him time to think about it.

However, this waiting KILLS me. I never ever ever want to be the one to leave him but somehow I have thought about it just so I could end his misery. He kept saying he needs more time but I think he's just saying that because he doesn't wanna hurt me. Because he doesn't want to be the one to leave me. I really don't want to leave him because I love him more than anything but at the same time, I think I would be doing him a favor if I end what we have.

I have never ever felt this way about someone. I love him so much words don't do enough justice to describe how I feel about him. But I don't know what to do...Should I let time heal things? Or should I just end it?
saa1985 saa1985
26-30, F
2 Responses May 19, 2012

I have found by being myself, respecting another's time and space needs, and being open, honest, and direst re:thoughts/feelings on both ends makes way for a path that can be enjoyed....<br />
moment to moment<br />
hour to hour<br />
day by day...etc<br />
<br />
find joyinyourjournet, clg

First I must ask you this . Are you in love with him or the idea of him . When you just talk over the computer one thing is bound to happen . You have this person you only talk to and your mind fills in everything else in with dreams and hope . I too am in a relationship with someone I met online . But we have met . Real life is never like our hopes and dreams . I suggest give it time and don't push anything . After all what does breaking up really mean that you don't talk to him .? I hope for you both it is hard being far from someone you care for . But don't gain a boyfriend only to loose yourself .. good luck to you both

good wise words!

Thanks for the advice.

I have asked myself the same question...whether I'm really in love with him or the idea of him. To be honest, I was one of those who were reaaaaally skeptical about 'online dating'. Then, I found him and it changed everything. Funnily enough, I found it easier to be myself with him compared to guys I have been with before (In real life, of course). However, I haven't met him yet so I don't know if that's saying much. You are right about giving it time, though. So, I'm just gonna do that for now. Thanks, again!