I Think I Messed Up...

About 8 months ago, I met a guy on an online game. He was as blunt as I am, as sweet, and as handsome...and he lives across the country.

He is a year older than me, very smart, and can sometimes be an *******, but hey, that adds to the charm. He and I tentatively got together and talked more and more to the point of not going to bed until 3 in the morning talking about things we liked or got into deep, meaningful conversations. This went on for about a month, until things went into the next level. We talked for the first time on webcam. He never had done so before, so he told me, and I felt special. I loved texting him while I was at school, or talking to him when I got home. He made my heart all fluttery, and I felt like I could always tell him everything. We would jokingly call ourselves 'Friends with Benefits' because we were smart enough to know that a long distance relationship between us wouldn't work.

But was it really smart?

At the end of February, he stopped talking to me. We didn't get into a fight, or a spat, or anything. We were doing just fine, and then he just stopped. I don't understand why, and if I text him, he won't reply. I gave up, but should I have? He's still on my mind, even now, and I can't forget about him. I know he graduated this month, and he's probably trying to get his life on track, but I felt like I deserve an explanation. A text would have at least been nice. But I feel like separating our status by calling ourselves friends with benefits pushed us apart. I don't know what was going on in his head, but it hurts more than ever that I may have let go of someone who could've been important in my life. I don't know, and I wish I knew who my soulmate was. I'm usually logical in thinking, and such a thing as soulmate seems almost incomprehensible, but was it possible that he was mine? After 3 months of not talking or hearing from him, I still have him on my mind, not sexually, but him as a person, and him being happy.

Typing this really makes me think of that quote from Hitch:

"You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you?"
N0vaK0i N0vaK0i
22-25, F
2 Responses May 22, 2012

First I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm going through a similar thing at the moment, an online romance ended, except she found someone else so she didn't disappear, but is still around which I don't know makes that better or worse, but it's the same where no contact is being made. We did have a final talk though, which in a way helps but not, if that makes sense.<br />
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I would think he would still have an email address that was used when you two were together. What I did and maybe you should too, write a heartfelt email to the guy. Not begging him to come back or anything like that, but what he meant to you while you two were together, things like that. Just let him know also that you will be there for him too if he wants to come back, next week, next month, next year, get in contact with you and have a way for him to do that. But if you say this, mean it. If you feel you can’t keep that type promise don’t say it. The email should to be sort of a closure for you too for that just in case if he never does respond back to you, at least you put out to him all your thoughts, you left nothing unsaid where sometime in the future you might think to yourself, “what if I only said this”. The email should leave you feeling like you said all you can, there is nothing left to say on your part. I call it one of those you have nothing to left lose and everything to gain type moments. <br />
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I have to say in my case that email did help me. It has been awhile now since I sent that last email and while I still do miss her so much it hurts at times, I know I left that relationship leaving nothing unsaid on my part. <br />
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Best of luck to you.

:| Sorry to hear this. I know. How sometimes online friends can completely shut off all contact. It is scary and it gets to your mind even more! <br />
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Don't think there is much you can do. Be more persistent, he may never answer you or maybe change his views. <br />
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Of course, we should keep on hoping that something wrong is going on in his life in which made him unable to reach you (obviously a very optimistic thinking here) otherwise, you should wait till you meet another one. <br />
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It's hard to forget, but that doesn't mean you have to forget. Just hope that fluttery feeling would fade away soon. <br />
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This is what happens if you fall in love online, so much more unexpected events.<br />
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Sorry I couldn't give you any more constructive comment...as I am..pretty much in the same spot as you but not quite like you :| .<br />
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For the best *hugs*

It's nice to know someone understands :) Thank you.. *hugs*