It's Over Before It Even Began...

As a girl, sure, I do get infatuated with guys but usually just because I wanted to be good friends with them. I don't think I fell in love with anyone before. I'm a bit shy but could be crazy kind of girl. I can be talkative but most of the time I don't know what to say.

I met this guy from online (obviously) about two weeks ago. We live across the sea with 11 to 12 hours time differences.
You may think it's too weird and early but I liked him during the first week we started talking. He is not someone of great looks, good or normal background or someone decent enough, he has a dark background but to me especially as an online friend, I couldn't careless. By that I mean I wouldn't judge who he was. He was a bit hesitant to talk much about it, I didn't pry much and I think he know. He is quite intelligent and smart and funny. Our convo sometimes sway to the sexual direction but I don't really care, it's funny and fun and only normal (to me at least, I'm quite open minded). He just got this charisma that makes you want to talk to him, it doesn't matter how many sentences, words or letters there are, an emoticon is absolutely fine.

But i think I screwed things up today...and I knew it would turn out like this. I knew it would. and I am just sad.
He often said "I loves you". I don't know if he means it but I most likely believed that it was not, I played along but I found myself starting to fall for him. I have another intelligent online friend whom I used to talk to but I wouldn't feel the "love like anxiety" when waiting for replies. I am really really infatuated with him and don't know what to do!

Why is it over before it even began...today, could have been my fault and he said I need to go out and have a drink. He said bye with a dot. My heart was completely shattered. He sounded so sad. I don't know if something happened or he is starting to shut off all contact with me but it kills me to see that. I want to hug him and ask if he is alright...but now...that won't even be possible anymore.

I feel so despair....I am a very depressed teen, warmth is really important to me and never had anyone whom I can confide. You have to understand that someone like him is like everything to me.

I just don't know what to do :'(
KuroBara KuroBara
18-21, F
2 Responses May 22, 2012

You sound like you are living my life only what you are doing is me a couple years ago. Oh if only I could go back in time and kick my butt! I hope your heart will go through easier times then mine!

haha, you must have had one heck of a time.
I would love to kick my butt RIGHT NOW too but I just can't stop thinking about him. I can't constantly email him, I mean I'm not those persistent type of girls. I hate the fact that I act so stupid or tried too hard. If I tried too hard, things goes bad but if I don't try, we got nothing to talk about.

Tbh. This is the first time I actually think about a guy like this meaning it's my first time falling in love...it hurts so bad :(

Darlin, you need to take a step back and take a breath. Clear your head and think it through. Was there anything in your conversation that could've upset him? Were you acting differently at the time? Did you mention something that could've hurt his feelings? If you do find out, apologize, especially if you know you love him. If anything, confess! :)

Yeh. I guess;/.
I think he mistook my jokes as something serious.
But the point is I dont think he would be serious with me, there is no point in confessing ~_~

Thank you, I guess I'll apologize if i made him upset. I guess I really need to stop thinking hom so much T.T

*thinking about him do much.

If you love him, then think about him all you want :) It may seem impossible now, but I've always lived on the philosophy of "If you were meant to be together, you'll be together"

sorry for the late reply, did not see it xD

yeh, I'm thinking all about him for now but it's getting out of control, it hurts me sometimes :(

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