My Humble Affections

Miranda: My affections
Are then most humble. I have no ambition
To see a goodlier man.
~ The Tempest, Act I, scene ii

There are times I question my sanity, honestly. Who falls head over heels for some guy she barely knows?  Other than Juliet, I mean, and we know how that ended.  Badly.  For both of them.  I don't want this to turn into some sort of tragedy.  I do not want his wife or children to be hurt, nor do I want my husband or children to be hurt.  And I sure don't want either of us to be hurt.  Still, I cannot help feeling the way I do about him. 

I only hope the story has a happy ending.

It's not like we're Miranda and Ferdinand, for Pete's sake.   I may have had limited exposure to other men in bed, but I have met a lot of fellows besides my father.  So it's not like I'm falling for the first man I ever saw.  And he's hardly marooned on an island, confined to just me as a potential mate.  He confessed early on that he had been hit on by other women, and concern about giving in to temptation to cheat led him to pack on the pounds.  I'm not surprised they hit on him.  He is desirable.  Even at his less-than-optimal weight, the man is hot.  I asked him to turn around and spread his cheeks while he was camming with me recently, and I almost came as he obliged.  Talk about a sweet ***.  Oh, man.  Really sweet.

Lest it sound like I'm objectifying the fellow, let me be clear that I find his mind and heart desirable as well.  He's funny and interesting and loving.  But I think somewhere along the line he's been made to feel inadequate, lacking.  I know that feeling.  Even as my friends assure me that I'm bright and clever and pretty, my mate's actions have often belied those assessments.  Let me be clear: recently, my husband has tried to correct that behaviour.  He's caught himself lecturing to me about this or that subject when he realizes I am well aware of whatever he's talking about.  He will stop and apologize, saying "I know you know all this."  And he does  have a lot of knowledge to share.  But he likes to be the wittiest one, and likes me to laugh at his jokes without reciprocating for mine.  So I am left feeling less than amusing.  He compliments my appearance more these days, but he does not avail of my body nearly as often as I'd like.  It's deeds, not words, that matter in such cases.

If you want me, show me.  The man I met online does so, oddly enough.  He may not take me in his arms, and he's only kissed me a few times, all within a three hour period last April.  But I've little doubt he wants me.  The time he spends chatting with me, deferring work in favor of spending precious minutes with me, proves that.  His "lol" in response to some silly thing I say is like a physical caress.  I need to make people laugh, especially those whom I love.   I need to be amused by people, especially those whom I love.  I believe I mentioned he is funny.  Sometimes I don't get his jokes right away.  But he is patient and he explains them and I find them very clever.  He never makes me feel stupid; he assumes I will get his references and if I admit ignorance, he is quick to take the blame for it.  How typically gracious of him.

There are many other lovely men online and in my 3D life.  I am good friends with several.  But there are things about this one man that make him extra special.  And, having fallen for him so thoroughly, I am content to be with him should the occasion arise.  As Miranda observed to her father, I have no ambition to see a goodlier man. 
milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

Your vulnerability makes this post very sweet. another dimension to that pulsing energy we call Milkynips