How Long Can I Hold My Breath?

Imagine a love affair that sweeps you off your feet.
In fact, you weren't looking for love, but there it was.
Now I think I was a fool.
Someone played with my heart and I got hurt.
She lived across the ocean and said she almost died.
She's fighting for her life and its been a year and a half of it.
She was suppose to move to America to be with me.
Now here I sit still waiting for her.  Is it truly she is so ill
I don't hear from her?  If her medical accident was true,
than the answer is yes.  Otherwise I'm sitting here a fool.
I wish I knew.  Do I leave my heart open and wait or can I
now put a closure on it.  
It's been 2 months since we talked.
I wasn't even looking for love.
WarriorMom WarriorMom
51-55, F
4 Responses Sep 19, 2012

Are you bi-sexs? Sorry for asking.

Maybe you should raise the question of you going to her? Even if that is not possible at least you will get something from her reaction? That is when you can speak to her again. I feel for you I know its painful

We've talked about my going, but twice it didn't work out. It's been July since I spoke with her, but a friend keeps me posted. She's suppose to be better, but I know of nothing. Thanks for caring.........

I feel for you hun. I wasn't looking either when it popped me in the face. I wish you luck with finding out how she is, the wondering must be devastating....Peace

Thanks so much for being so supportive <3

I wish I had words to help you feel better =(

You sound like you are doubting that the medical accident actually happened. You are doubting that you are being told the truth. And it is two months since you last talked.

And in the meantime, you are sitting around, with your life on hold, wondering....Life is too short =/ This has been going on a year and a half? =(

If I were in your shoes, I think I would put closure on it.

Thanks for understanding....
I am working on putting a closure on it, it would just make it easier to know the truth to do so. I've put in such an emotional investment (per say) it's hard to turn off the heart. I do believe she was ill, but is it she's better now and choices to move on or what? I guess I would end up driving myself nuts dwelling on it. Maybe I need to block her from my email account and fb so I don't sit and wonder if she is ever going to try to contact me..........

Perhaps a compromise between choosing to dwell on it, and just blocking all further contact, might be to come out and ask her what her plans are? Maybe just ask her exactly the type of questions you are asking yourself?

At least it might give you some peace of mind knowing that you tried your best....and who knows.....things might work out between you yet =)

Your right about asking. I just can't. Her medical condition is poor because she had chemo and they by accident gave her 3 times the amount which caused her to die twice. She has had extensive in-patent hospital concerning her condition, the which of last has been stem cell injections directly into her heart due to the damage done to it. She lives in Belgium where she is at. She had a visa in hand when we met on line. She has gotten Dr permission to get on line, but has been to ill to be. (They also don't want her to get excited because of her heart.) Her friend kept me updated which she was good at doing, but now very rarely if at all gets on line and tells me what is up. It's been forever since I've heard from her. So here I sit not knowing what is going on. There's times I feel like I can't do this any longer because the whole ordeal has been very hard to go through. But then there is my heart & soul that loves her. I was single for 4 yrs before we met and was very content that way. I'm 55yrs old and had always been with someone since I was 16 prior that. I have no problem being alone. It's actually been very nice having my own space and discover who I am. I have no desire to meet anyone. I'm sure with time if I don't hear anything I'll be just left with wondering what happened. But I also believe if she does die I'll know because we're connected that way. We believe we are twin flames.