The Ink SlingerIn the midst of despare and loneliness I had turned to an on line dating site.
It's always been against my better judgement as so many lies are told in order to capture te others affection.
I am a very honest person , most times to my own fault.
So this was a huge step for a few reasons, a stagnant marriage with no passion , romance or intimacy, the cliche , and the realization of how desperate for affection I had become and how vulnerable it all made me.
I created a profile and just kept typing . Typing every truth , yet not revealing what I wanted from a man or needed.
I don't believe in making a man to fit me . We either mesh or we don't.
I had the reply of a lifetime.
Ink Slinger had every word down , yet wasn't a pla
Honesty was his every fibre, integrity in every word.
He spoke to me like a modern day Shakespeare .
I never had a man speak to me the way I had always desired, I never had a man look at me with my history of flaws and paint me perfect.
I was in love .
Not lust , not passion ....Love
A touch less , non sexual, no sexual references, no request for skin pictures, just pure sweet blissful love.
Greeted every morning with the most beautiful words .
Words that would pick you up in the morning and carry you into the next day.
His words were like music to my soul.
He would tell me his love for me in a way that would make the greatest love story look bad.
It was as if we had known each other for life times.
That I had loved him purely threw decades of time, yet never touched.
We would speak for hours on the phone and ache when we said goodbye.
My world was floating .
We sat and had coffee, the only touch we had was when I put my hand on his.
It was like an electrical shock wave felt in every fibre of my being.
I was so lost in him and all he was, where he had been and all he would become.
In a moment I took a breath and my phone lit up....my estranged husband with a text.
I remembered a life I was walking away from, full of hurt , lies, disappointment , pain.
I had to leave and focus.
I made vows before God and family,
We have a child together.
My heart ached, as the playlist he put on my MP3 played.
I finally did it. I fell in love the way I had always dreamed of and I couldn't keep it or really act on it.
I mourn him still.
He will never know how he blessed my world, how incredible the feeling to just love some one is.
The worst part , I hurt him. The most beautiful man I have met , I hurt.
It was perfect, it was innocent and real.
God forgive me, still I mourn him.
The most impacting song he gave me was David Gray Be mine.
I still hear his voice and feel his invisible presence.