My Story Part 2

I would always tell him that someday he would  find someone else and he would forget about me , so i kept telling myself...


one day he told someone from work told him that she wanna leave her bf to with him ( my buddy)

for the first time in my life i felt really jealous and heart broken, i felt so much pain because of the long distance that separate us and the fact he never saw my face or even heard how i sound, it was like a slap on the face telling me( wake up already)

i knew that would happen, it's not like he would really convert his religion and come all the way to be with me , but still, i have very very strong feelings for him. feelings i never had before and i don't think i will feel the same about anyone....

i didn't say anything, and he kept talking about her , wanting him to grab her and be with him, tears were  filling my eyes and i could barely read his lines.

i didn't want to tell him the truth about how i felt about it because that would be selfish.

i was being supportive and asked him if he felt the same way.....

he said he likes her and that she enjoyed being with him...

those words cut me like a knife , i was so jealous that i couldn't and can never be with him.

i told him i had to go

he asked me why and i just said i had some homework to do

he asked me ( don't feel jealous or wishing you were in her place?)


was he testing me ? or showing his true face being a jerk? or acting like a jerk?

was he wondering how i truly feel for him? or he wanted to get rid of me ?

i will never know


i stopped going on line, i couldn't eat or sleep for a whole week

everything tasted bitter , i lost my (.....) , the only person who could understand me

the easiest person i can talk to

the dream has vanished , and  going back to reality felt like falling from a high building and hitting the ground on your head yet you are a live

i felt my heart was dead, such a big hollow in it .

i cried  myself out to sleep every night

i couldn't tell a soul about it.


i only sent him a letter being so general and giving him a friendly advice, the gist of the letter was if he feels the same way about her i would be happy for him


to be continued

lonesomedove80 lonesomedove80
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 25, 2009

Hey, girl, whatever you have been through, just remember that you're not alone. If you think you need to get it out, at least tell someone who would listen, and before you know it the answer is right the just need to grieve and move on, and you'll feel better than dwelling in what's not there (even though it was there, feelings change and holding on to the other person who doesn't really want you is not helping). Grieve and then forget about him. Hope you feel better soon.

i just dont get it why its marked as an adult content?