I never thought of it as an affair.....
It started here, on EP, with a reply to her story about the Status Quo. She was involved with a man on-line, but it wasn't fulfilling, it left her wondering about why...why the angst and guilt, why not just live the life she had, even as dead as her marriage seemed, and let things slide for awhile. Why did she always want more out of life....

And I answered I was at the same point in my life, without another persons involvement. But why did I want more in life than my basically dead marriage.

And we found each other. For the last two years, we lived...we enjoyed...we felt alive...
But we also still faced the angst and guilt. The trials of wondering why were we so happy together, and so unhappy at home. I left my marriage. I couldn't take it any longer. I knew it was dead, that I didn't love my spouse, and I couldn't lie to her or myself anymore.

She stayed....still wondering the same, but the strength to leave is a very hard thing to gather. Her fear of the reactions at home if she left, let alone to me, were too hard to overcome.

When her H discovered about us, he re-commited to her. He said he loved her as much as ever, and would change himself. And he started to. It changed everything. It even changed me. Now...I was in an affair, with a woman who's husband actually loved her and wanted her.....

And she re-commited to him. She felt she owed it to him for their years together. Even I could understand that... no guilt, a nice home, job, life....

But I still love her. I love her completely. I gave her my heart, and I meant it. She is all I've wanted in my life.

But, she's gone. My heart is broken, dead.

I will miss her always
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4 Responses Apr 20, 2016

I am deeply sorry for you!

sad that it took all of her tears, and fears, and strength to finally move on and love another to finally make him love her again.

I wonder how it goes when both people are in a dead marriage and fall in love. Then one bails out of the marriage. Will the other follow?
Bless your broken heart. I hope time will heal it.