I Cant Stop Thinking Of Him

All weekend my husband was home.. I was quite

 

I felt like I wa in PAIN.. physical PAIN.  I can not stop thinking of HIM. The ways are eyes connect.. and we just KNOW. No words are needed.  The way we joke around.. the way he looks away when he is nervous.. his sweet words, and the fact that it is hard for him to say them... yet he does

 

Then I feel my husband's hand in mine... asking if I am Ok and if I need anything from the store. He is a good man. He is caring and honest and nice.  But his jokes are old to me... He kisses me and I kiss him back... but I dont feel anything. We start counseling on Wednesday.  I tell him this..  He says ya he knows and he hopes it will be good.  I tell him I feel 'wierd" and I cry. He comforts me.  He ask me if he is trying too little to late.  I want to say YES.. but instead I say NO.. that hopefully I will figure out what is bothering me when we go to therapy.  I know what is bothering me....



I care for my husband... but I think if I saw him with another woman it would not upset me.. It would make me feel releaved... it would give me an excuse.  I love him.. not IN love with. .. what I wanted 15 years ago.. is no longer what I want.. what I NEED, today.  My husband gave me three wonderful children. .. he is a good dad... but he is gone more time then he is here (only home on weekends)



My husband says he is going to the store.. I kiss him goodbye.  I get on the chatline.. I want to see if HE is on.  I NEED to see his face.  I NEED to hear his voice..

Im falling, falling falling,,, deepppperrrrr

alyssakimm alyssakimm
31-35, F
4 Responses Mar 9, 2010

well i asked this because u said u were happy before u met this new guy

alyssakimm , does ur husband know about the other guy ? I think it will best if you end your marriage before your husband finds out . It is not right for anyone , to be with your husband & keep thinking about ur lover <br />
<br />
Best of luck

Lany13 , just curious , are u leaving your husband for that online guy ?

Do you understand the danger that you are in?<br />
<br />
Forget your husband, kids, and 'him'. <br />
<br />
Do you understand that if it all goes wrong you will pay a price?<br />
<br />
I am a Christian. My faith tells me it is a sin. Committing a sin doesn't make a person a monster. It makes them human. However, I know first hand that this particular sin is one you will inevitably regret.<br />
<br />
I am telling you that when my wife confronted me about my online afair it broke my heart and it killed me. Breaking it off with the one I had it with also broke my heart. The pain I had caused to the people I loved the most and the guilt I fealt in my heart...surely death would have been better.<br />
<br />
I was LUCKY.<br />
<br />
My marriage survived. Eventually my wife forgave me (10years)...I think. I even found out that my online lover found true love and had forgiven me for what I had done to her.<br />
<br />
I was so lucky. My marriage paid a price though. A deep price. My soul paid a price.<br />
<br />
Are you prepared to pay the price? Your price will be different than mine. You will pay a price not because you are bad but because this sin charges one of the deepest tolls.<br />
<br />
I hope for your sake you don't have to pay it.