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And He Broke My Heart To Pieces

I love someone online.. we wanted to meet.. so excited making plans. I was going there for a work trip.. he says he will pick me up from the airport.. that I can stay with him.. I tell my boss I dont need a hotel.. I am staying with family..lol.. I am suppose to fly to see him THIS Friday.  For the past month, every night before I fall asleep.. I close my eyes and dream of him.. and how that day will be when I finally meet him.  The touch of his skin, the feeling of his soft lips...

I started exercising more.. stopped biting my nails.. went on the pill.. even planned for a bikini wax..

The last two weeks he has been distant, but he also started a new job.  He has been tired more and not online as much.  He friends tell me that he has admitted that he is falling hard for me and that it scares him.  His friend goes on to say that he doesnt feel 'in my same class" or good enough for me.  I figure he is freaking out and there for has been playing it cool.

 

I havent heard from him for the past four days.  I dont want to be annoying.  I txt him 2x, email 2x (one with my flight infor) and then call .. I get no response.  He does not answer.  I go on the chat line under a different name and all of a sudden there he is.

We shoot the **** a bit.  He then tells me, "well on a more serious note.." I knew it was coming...

He tells me he met some girl at work and they have been seeing eachother the past couple of weeks but that he didnt know how serious it was until this past weekend. He says that he has been feeling sick to his stomach about it all day.. but that she shouldnt.. he CANT see me.  He says that if I lived there things would be different.. but that I dont live there.. and that after all.. its just chatline..  Today is MONDAY.. and I am to fly there FRIDAY,



I cant breath... I want to cry and scream. ..I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I love him he hurt me so fricken bad.. I want to scream this  but instead I say, that I understand. I am hurt but not mad.. I am happy for him.  he said that he will help me make arrangements.. my plane flys in at 11:30 pm on Friday.. I have no taxi, no hotel now.. I am left scrambeling.  He says he feels awful but now he cant cheat on his girlfriend.. I DO understand this. He says he hopes we can stay friends.. I tell him me too.  I tell him if he still wants to hang out as friends when I am there it is cool.. he says he needs to think and will 'sleep on it" 

Later on he sees me online.  I look like ****. He has caught me crying ... I wipe my tears and he stares into my cam.  I want to scream LOVE ME DAMN !  He ask if I have been crying and I tell him I am fine.  I ask him about some hotels as I am now looking online.  He helps me minimally.  He says again he is sorry.  I tell him to go to bed and the he leaves

I wonder if she is prettier, thinner, nicer then me... I wonder what he would have been like... I have dreamt of this day and have PLANNED and now it is squashed!  I wonder.. is there REALLY another girl?  I bet ya.. there is.  I wonder why would he tell his online friends he is FALLING hard for me.. when he had been dating someone else??  Will he call me when I am there?

But mostly I wonder how I could have been so insanely stupid.  How could I believe that cyber love could work?  Why didnt I stay more guarded?

I put A LOT on the line.. maybe it wasnt all for HIM.. maybe it was because I know the place I am in now is not good and HE was my way out.. Im not sure

All I know is this hurts reall fucken bad!

UPDATE::

I get on the plane and fly to his hometown.  I have made arrangement to rent a car.. got a hotel.  I sit in silence on the plane and I feel so alone.  Strangers try to talk to me and I just politely smile and attempt to make small talk back.  They ask me why I am flying there.  Is this for business or pleasure?  I dont know how to answer.  Not business, no pleasure.  I tell them I am meeting friends.

I get off the plane and walk down the long hallway.  I am hoping that has played an evil trick on me and that he will really be there.. holding his arms out to me... or at least feels bad enough to meet me at the airport.  I scan the large lobby.  I do not see him.  I walk slowly through the small airport wondering if perhaps I have missed him..or maybe he is watching me from afar.  I go get my rental car and continue to walk aimlessly around the airport.  Then it hits me.  He is not coming.  He does not care.

I get into my car and drive to the hotel. I feel so very alone. I crash.  Cant keep my eyes open.

The next day I txt him.  I have resisted thus far and just cant take it anymore.  I tell him "I am here.  Your town is small.  I am not sure what I am going to do tommorow'  He responds, "its beautiful this  time of year, have fun and enjoy"  I cry when I read this.  Like a stalker I drive to his work, he works in the lobby at a hotel.. I just want to see him. I act like I am a guest. I walk around.. he is not there.

I cry when I get back to my car.. then say **** THIS!!! I put in my navigation system NYC.  It is only 2 hours from here? hmmm.. I drive and drive .. cryings and ranting.. and before I know it I am going over some HUGE bridge into the city.  I drive in Queens, Yonkers, Go past central park., get lost in HARLEM (and cry a lot because I am scared) I drive into time sqare and then get pulled over by a NYC PO. He asks what I am doing and I tell him I am going  crazy and need to leave.  He tells directions... I leave NYC. I laugh all the way back to the hotel..

I get dressed up and go to the hotel lounge.  I meet two random strangers from down south. I think thier accents are kind of cute and kind of funny.  we drink... then I drive them downtown where I again look for internet boy.  I tell the southerners my story.. but it doesnt seem sad anymore.. it seems funny. I look for internet boy in the bar.. hoping to see him.. I want to punch him!  I am drunk and lonely and one thing leads to another.. and before I know it I am back with one of the southerners at the hotel.  I dont need to get into details.. just saying the best part was the cuddeling.. feeling close to someone.. ya someone.. not sure of his name.  I feel bad I have never done ANYTHING like ANY of this in my life.

The next day I drive back to the airport.. I get on the plane.. then I remember I forgot to look at internet boy at the airport....

alyssakimm alyssakimm 31-35, F 84 Responses Apr 20, 2010

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Karma is a ***** honey-:( he will get his, I can promise you this. Keep your head up!!!!

Oh, the pain of heart break and being screwed over. Been there. Most of us have. There has to be a silver lining. Better days are coming. I wish you love, happiness, and a good rest of your life and the ability to be grateful for it all and have no regrets.

How are you doing now, if I might ask?

I am so sorry! I can relate, and your story made me cry...

Chances are he was married. I know you said he had a girlfriend, but my suspicion is that he was married and thats why he couldnt see you. He lives in a small town, he was worried about the risks of being seen with you. I feel bad for you, truly but it seems like you unintentionally got played by him. I suggest you let him go on all communication platforms.

So sorry to hear that! I felt really bad reading this :( Because I can relate and understand your feelings. I hope you're doing much better since this happened!

met him online.towards the end of october.i fell,i wont lie.watever.first frigging time in my 18 yr old life.i wanted to break it off bcuz i felt like a naive dumb btch but just couldnt get myself to do it.i left an offline message telling him how maybe we shouldnt be doing that n later when he tells me about how he has been in the hospital i just knew i couldnt break it off.by then all my last drops of frost and resistance were gone and i knew i was doomed to love him,not that it was bad..lol.

and then,after god knows how many days of sparse offline messages,he leaves an offline message telling me how he 'met-a-girl-had a few drinks-n then took-her-to crash at his place-n then how they had sex'. and - how its 'not' his fault.
ofcourse!i mean u wouldnt expect the girl you have been chatting up at the bar over drinks and then took home to actually "sleep" with you,do you..??!!!aww,pity..

we broke it off in jan13.i almost hooked up with a guy from the internet.i felt so hopeless n depressed.i felt like a piece of jaundiced dog ****.lol.
n its a miracle if an hour goes by without a single thought about him.i want to open my brain and pick out him n all his crap n dump them in the trash can.!god guys can be really insensitive n cold.n harsh.n ********.watever.

yeah yeah..i know that "not all guys are bad".just a small 99.8% of them.

wear a helmet on that heart damnit.

so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately I think it is a more common thing these days. Have u been watching Catfish TV show recently? For me, personally, I presume most people I meet online are fakes and flakes and then if they happen to be real and genuine it is a pleasant suprise! I think online is more about fantasy and only real life is real life. Try to keep emotions out of it until you actually meet in real life - although this is easier said than done! Hope you have managed to move on from this

I am sure that no one reads it anymore, as it has been a while since you posted this, although I know how you felt. I am going through the same situation (or at least a very similar one) now. I don't really know what to do with myself. I have fell for an older man I met online. We do live in different countries, however we were going to meet and even go on holidays together.

Then all of the sudden he tells me he cannot do it as he is involved with someone. I knew of her before and for me ot doesn't look like anything has changed. He has been so kind and such a great friend. I believed his every word and now when I have my tickets booked he tells me it is not going to happen.

I have done exactly what you have. I said it is fine and I understand, where I wanted to shout and make him feel as bad as I do.

I was thinking why is she better than I am. Is she slimmer etc.

The next day I just went to bed with some random guy. I feel horrible about this but I needed to make myself feel better, perhaps attractive and wanted as well. He has lied to me. This is how I see it. Promised me something, made me believe, probably he knew all the way through it is not going to take place.

I cannot believe how stupid I was and I cannot stop crying. I really hope soon I will be able to laugh looking back at this situation. Your post helped though. Thank you and take a good care of yourself.

Am a shy girl in matter of heart alone... but very confident when it comes to work or wid family frnds... its just being close to someone or sharing my feelings of heart isn't easy... i too shared some feeling with distant guy and acted insanely stupid when i met him... think i wasn't sure of my feelings then..thought i am mentally and emotionally strong so thought he won't come to know much if i liked him ... i didn't knew myself well ..he gotta know and enjoyed the attention and affection i was giving him.. that's y i think i felt bad cause he called himself a gud frnd ... for first time like u i too had send a message(sweet ) back to him and am not used to doing this ..usually its the guy who will respond back first...can understand how you felt that day when he didn't respond back... won't stalk him though or won't ask for reason why (even if storm is building inside), cause am worth every bit and its his loss!!...plus we are women and vulnerable , shows we are so feminine and have emotions...this guy is a **** and a hollow person... and totally not worth you ! infact he is puppet under some other gals spell and wants to be manipulated by her...cause his string don't know where to fall and she will drive him... so tada lookout for a man not a chicken...every time u miss an opportunity... thr is someone better out thr... just don't close doors... be lil more carefull...

I don't know if it helps, but you're not the only one ... and you're not "insanely stupid", or, if you are, I am too. I made the mistake of falling for someone over the internet, even though I tried hard not to ... in the end, she panicked and "ran". I haven't felt so emotionally crushed since I was in my early twenties (3 decades ago) ... apparently, age and experience, and even gender, offer no protection against a broken heart. I wish you all the best.

So sorry about your bad experience, I met a wonderful woman on line over ten years ago, we got married and I am living a wonderful life with her. Just wished we had met when we were younger, but it was not meant to be. <br />
Don't give up on love, it may be just around the next corner. <br />
I wish you the best in life.

I fell in love with a man I meet online, I had just gotten divorced and was very vulnerable. He touched my heart and soul and now almost 9 months later we've never meet. I beg him to meet all the time and he always has an excuse. He apparently doesn't work where he said and now I doubt his name is real, it hurts to breath! I understand your pain and I wish there was a magic pill to take to stop loving someone.

people are very unreliable including our own selves and i just feel that the internet has created alot of problems for people really. i think your lucky you didnt meet him!

I am so sorry you had to experience this, but know not all men are like this and there have been some success stories that came from meeting someone online. I personally did not have a good story, but I know deep inside not everyone is out to hurt other people. Move on, there is someone for you. Maybe it is a reason why this did not go as you planned. It maybe is hard to understand this now, but one day you will see why.

Meeting someone online can work. But falling in love with someone online, or by phone or anything else, before you meet in person, is a huge mistake.<br />
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The problem isn't so much that people can deceive you, although that is certainly true. But that no matter how many hours you spend chatting online, talking on the phone or whatever, even with webcams, until you meet someone in person, there will be huge gaps in your knowledge about them and a complete void in terms of your understanding of the chemistry.<br />
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When there is missing information, your brain cannot just leave it void, so it fills in the missing parts, and does so in the way that you want them to be. Even with traditional dating, we often tend to believe things about the other that aren't true, simply because we don't know any better, and we create the image that we want.<br />
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So with a cyber connection, by the time you meet in person, you have such a warped idea of who that other person is, when you meet it is almost guaranteed to be a disappointment. You can feel like you are meeting a stranger!<br />
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My guess is that your guy understood this, at least on some level and when fantasy threatened to confront reality, he bailed and made excuses.<br />
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If you want to meet people online, great. It's a great way to find someone who seems to share your interests. But better stick close to home, and don't buy into the idea that spending a lot of time chatting and emailing before meeting will somehow increase your odds of success of make you safer.<br />
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Just the opposite is true. If you chat a lot before meeting, you are already setting up the scenario where you meet and find that the person is someone very different. You might like th person as they are, but it will still be hard to regroup once you're created an image of them in your head.<br />
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As to safety, if you meet someone without a lot of chat first, you will be cautious and careful, watching out for danger signals. Someone who would be a threat to you would be street wise enough to know to chat you up and make you feel comfortable before meeting so you let your guard down. <br />
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A better approach is to suggest a quick meeting as soon as you think there is any potential for a connection. Agree to meet for coffee and agree in advance that it will be for no more than 30 minutes. Have someone call you on your cell phone after 30 minutes so you can say, "Yes, yes, I know, I'm on my way" and depart. This is not a game, since you pre-agreed to keep it to 30 minutes, and this is just being used to support and enforce that boundary. And you ARE on your way. . . . to somewhere else!<br />
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In this way, you will get a sense for the all-important chemistry. Without which, there is no relationship, and why waste your time chatting with people if there is no chemistry?

Excellent post. It made a lot of sense,especially about the brain needing to fill in the bits of missing information. It wants to make a whole picture, and if it is going to go to all that trouble, why not make it the one that we want?

I guess it depends on the guy or woman whether an online relationship can work. I know I met a Japanese girl called Miho that I really enjoyed talking to and really liked her. We talked about all kinds of things, often she would contact me or vice versa. We also played a lot of L4D together. She was talking about how some time she should come visit me and taste the black mussels I told her about. We spoke about what type of job she preferred, etc.. Then she vanished. For six months I stressed that something had happened to her, but in December 2011 she came online and talked a bit. She told me her computer broke. I was just happy she was okay, she didn't talk as much and vanished again a week later. So disappointing.<br />
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However I was very faithful and loyal, I didn't even try to go after another girl while I was involved with her. Some guys are capable of devoting themselves to a girl they have met online. I guess some women are like that too. Either way, it is possible, you just have to meet the right person for you. I am still waiting.

youngie, you're an idiot...

This is why one experience with online dating was enough for me.

Oh honey I cried reading this. I am desperately in love with a man I met online, who has a girlfriend, and has a wandering eye. I know I'm stupid. But reading your story really helps it sink in. Your guy was at least acting exclusive with you at some point. Mine doesn't... Cuz he has a girlfriend. Ugh. That's probably why I'm not going to meet him(I had planned to but it didn't work out) and he has already made plans to come out to see ME! It's a silly head game he is playing with me and I feel like I will be left with the same feelings as you had. When I read your story... I feel everything you felt. Plus some extra shock. I almost expect this more with my guy - But hope that he will be exceptional and end up loving me(STUPID YES I KNOW). But with YOUR guy, he wasn't attached... I don't understand how people can treat others as if they are disposable! I do not understand how a human being can be so close to somebody one day, and treat them like a stranger the next! This is inhuman behaviour, I swear. This is not ******* normal. But I'm telling you girl, you are NOT disposable. You ARE lovable, just save all that loving for a man who really wants it and is willing to EARN IT. I'm in no place to give advice, so this is advice to ME and a reminder to you should you ever need it. You deserve a grand, true love. NOT THIS BULLSHIT. I hope the past couple years have shown your love life better days. If they have, and you're in love, I am so happy for you. YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE. If real love hasn't come along yet, just hang on. You'll find it somewhere. For now don't look anywhere except within. Love yourself. The rest will follow. <3

I'm so sorry for all that happened, But think of it in another way you've learnt your lesson and right now you really know what you need. I'm pretty sure you will find another guy nearby who is caring, honest and faithful and would never hurt you again so live your life to the fullest and don't think about him anymore and you should even block him online just forget about the whole thing and keep waiting for the perfect guy to come. Best wishes.

This is such a sad story, honestly hurts just to read it. I was actually hoping it wasnt a true story but you can tell its coming from your heart. I hope by now you found something better and someone who really appreciates a girl who'd do so much for a guy she loves. That's something you dont find everyday.

Girl, why did you still go see him when you knew about the girlfriend? He was dishonest with you by not telling you about the thing with the girlfriend. I don't mean to come down hard on you but never let a man see you are desperate. I met someone on line too and I do plan on going to meet him but we are a lot alike and if something was a little off I would not go to see him. You can a lot when a man is dishonest or doesn't tell you everything. I don't blame you for hooking up with someone else because you probably needed to feel something with another man.<br />
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But anything could have happened to you while you were driving, don't let a man do this to you, to make you crazy. I know I have let a man make me crazy before and you just want to do something about it but he's not worth it. Don't do this to yourself again. It isn't that its because you met him on the internet, there are good people on here as well as people who really don't give a ****, but to go on a plane to meet a guy you know is involved with someone else is a big mistake. There are other guys out there, girl. Ones who will want you and you won't have to deal with all this ****.

You already have more comments than most get but I feel compelled to say something here. I can't add to the wisdom of all the folks that posted. EP is so awesome for this... the camaraderie of pain and of healing. It isn't about "war of the shitpiles" and trying to compare who's been hurt the most. But, it IS about normalizing your experience and putting in into perspective. The dude that zapped my sad little heart had his other hunny LIVING with him while he was still going on and on about how we were meant to be together and all that crap. I had to find out HERE that someone else HERE beat me to the punch. Your wandering fella certainly did wrong by you because he should have cut things off the moment he WANTED to be serious about the girl at his work. He should have told you, or her. He was hedging his bets against things not working out with her. So far, things are ok... but work relationships never go well. By the time he realizes what he lost, you won't quite remember what it was about him. Heck, you're already laughing about it -- even if sometimes you cry. Only now, more than a year later, do I realize how lucky I was that I held fast to MY morals and didn't try to be with him. There's nothing wrong with an occasional hook-up, especially one with a smooth-gentle-southerner. Southern men have a knack for making what hurts feel a little less painful. <br />
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Moving on into your future, I would say that there are great men out there. There are. But, be cautious about online men. I have many online men friends, and I cherish them, and think the world of them. Dating? No. I think it's safer to build something ba<x>sed on friendship. There are a lot of real, genuine men on EP who just like you and me, are looking for connections and real depth. Sure, we'd all love to find someone with whom the chemistry is out of this world, with whom we can share our deepest most intimate selves. I think that when THAT happens with a deep and trusted friend, it makes the wait so worthwhile. As for the future of relationships, I don't know anyone that hasn't been burned by an online flame. We'll all become much more circumspect as we move forward.

Sorry that this happened to you, Alyssa. It's painful when someone you love or even like doesn't respond to your overtures. I bet the guy you met online is married, and he's not even saying so. He sounds like a deceitful, lying, exploitive sociopath, and you're far better off without him. <br />
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This is not to say that stuff like this doesn't happen offline, because it certainly does, but online dating/meeting does carry more risks, because one never really does know who or what they're meeting with or dealing with, if one gets the drift. Hope you have some better luck in the future.

I am very sadden to here this had happen to you. A part of me say track him down and punch him in the face , but you can't do this cause you can get arrested. So for now on , you might find the right guy here on this site and you both will have a lot in common.

Ohhh' feels like I'm readin my story...been there Allysa! Just recently, broke up with almost a 2 yrs of relationship. He made me feel so loved...and now I don't know if that love really existed, or just lived those days for 2 yrs on a dream....Thanks to him for waking me up anyway!!

it happens offline, too. your experience has been repeated by many ... even before the internet was available to the crawly masses! you wrote this over a year ago, hope you have moved on and someone who cherishes you is with you -- mind, body, spirit. glad you had the southerner!

Guys like that make my skin crawl.<br />
I don't mean to be rude but I think you've dodged a bullet. Imagine you actually met him, started a relationship and THEN found out he was like this. The fact that he ignored you is rude and selfish.<br />
I met a few girls online, one of them never showed up at a date. It really leaves you feeling betrayed by someone you put your trust in.<br />
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It ****** me off that people can treat other people this way...

This happened to me too, except I got the weird feeling before actually meeting him. He kept convincing me to meet, to take it further... Yet he had a girlfriend all that time. It was exactly the same, very intense then suddenly he had too much work and finally, he told me the truth.