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And He Broke My Heart To Pieces

I love someone online.. we wanted to meet.. so excited making plans. I was going there for a work trip.. he says he will pick me up from the airport.. that I can stay with him.. I tell my boss I dont need a hotel.. I am staying with family..lol.. I am suppose to fly to see him THIS Friday.  For the past month, every night before I fall asleep.. I close my eyes and dream of him.. and how that day will be when I finally meet him.  The touch of his skin, the feeling of his soft lips...

I started exercising more.. stopped biting my nails.. went on the pill.. even planned for a bikini wax..

The last two weeks he has been distant, but he also started a new job.  He has been tired more and not online as much.  He friends tell me that he has admitted that he is falling hard for me and that it scares him.  His friend goes on to say that he doesnt feel 'in my same class" or good enough for me.  I figure he is freaking out and there for has been playing it cool.

 

I havent heard from him for the past four days.  I dont want to be annoying.  I txt him 2x, email 2x (one with my flight infor) and then call .. I get no response.  He does not answer.  I go on the chat line under a different name and all of a sudden there he is.

We shoot the **** a bit.  He then tells me, "well on a more serious note.." I knew it was coming...

He tells me he met some girl at work and they have been seeing eachother the past couple of weeks but that he didnt know how serious it was until this past weekend. He says that he has been feeling sick to his stomach about it all day.. but that she shouldnt.. he CANT see me.  He says that if I lived there things would be different.. but that I dont live there.. and that after all.. its just chatline..  Today is MONDAY.. and I am to fly there FRIDAY,



I cant breath... I want to cry and scream. ..I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I love him he hurt me so fricken bad.. I want to scream this  but instead I say, that I understand. I am hurt but not mad.. I am happy for him.  he said that he will help me make arrangements.. my plane flys in at 11:30 pm on Friday.. I have no taxi, no hotel now.. I am left scrambeling.  He says he feels awful but now he cant cheat on his girlfriend.. I DO understand this. He says he hopes we can stay friends.. I tell him me too.  I tell him if he still wants to hang out as friends when I am there it is cool.. he says he needs to think and will 'sleep on it" 

Later on he sees me online.  I look like ****. He has caught me crying ... I wipe my tears and he stares into my cam.  I want to scream LOVE ME DAMN !  He ask if I have been crying and I tell him I am fine.  I ask him about some hotels as I am now looking online.  He helps me minimally.  He says again he is sorry.  I tell him to go to bed and the he leaves

I wonder if she is prettier, thinner, nicer then me... I wonder what he would have been like... I have dreamt of this day and have PLANNED and now it is squashed!  I wonder.. is there REALLY another girl?  I bet ya.. there is.  I wonder why would he tell his online friends he is FALLING hard for me.. when he had been dating someone else??  Will he call me when I am there?

But mostly I wonder how I could have been so insanely stupid.  How could I believe that cyber love could work?  Why didnt I stay more guarded?

I put A LOT on the line.. maybe it wasnt all for HIM.. maybe it was because I know the place I am in now is not good and HE was my way out.. Im not sure

All I know is this hurts reall fucken bad!

UPDATE::

I get on the plane and fly to his hometown.  I have made arrangement to rent a car.. got a hotel.  I sit in silence on the plane and I feel so alone.  Strangers try to talk to me and I just politely smile and attempt to make small talk back.  They ask me why I am flying there.  Is this for business or pleasure?  I dont know how to answer.  Not business, no pleasure.  I tell them I am meeting friends.

I get off the plane and walk down the long hallway.  I am hoping that has played an evil trick on me and that he will really be there.. holding his arms out to me... or at least feels bad enough to meet me at the airport.  I scan the large lobby.  I do not see him.  I walk slowly through the small airport wondering if perhaps I have missed him..or maybe he is watching me from afar.  I go get my rental car and continue to walk aimlessly around the airport.  Then it hits me.  He is not coming.  He does not care.

I get into my car and drive to the hotel. I feel so very alone. I crash.  Cant keep my eyes open.

The next day I txt him.  I have resisted thus far and just cant take it anymore.  I tell him "I am here.  Your town is small.  I am not sure what I am going to do tommorow'  He responds, "its beautiful this  time of year, have fun and enjoy"  I cry when I read this.  Like a stalker I drive to his work, he works in the lobby at a hotel.. I just want to see him. I act like I am a guest. I walk around.. he is not there.

I cry when I get back to my car.. then say **** THIS!!! I put in my navigation system NYC.  It is only 2 hours from here? hmmm.. I drive and drive .. cryings and ranting.. and before I know it I am going over some HUGE bridge into the city.  I drive in Queens, Yonkers, Go past central park., get lost in HARLEM (and cry a lot because I am scared) I drive into time sqare and then get pulled over by a NYC PO. He asks what I am doing and I tell him I am going  crazy and need to leave.  He tells directions... I leave NYC. I laugh all the way back to the hotel..

I get dressed up and go to the hotel lounge.  I meet two random strangers from down south. I think thier accents are kind of cute and kind of funny.  we drink... then I drive them downtown where I again look for internet boy.  I tell the southerners my story.. but it doesnt seem sad anymore.. it seems funny. I look for internet boy in the bar.. hoping to see him.. I want to punch him!  I am drunk and lonely and one thing leads to another.. and before I know it I am back with one of the southerners at the hotel.  I dont need to get into details.. just saying the best part was the cuddeling.. feeling close to someone.. ya someone.. not sure of his name.  I feel bad I have never done ANYTHING like ANY of this in my life.

The next day I drive back to the airport.. I get on the plane.. then I remember I forgot to look at internet boy at the airport....

alyssakimm alyssakimm 31-35, F 84 Responses Apr 20, 2010

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I'm sorry Alyssa , I had same thing happen to me , only I didn't get to part of actually going to meeting place . It hurt deeply , I remember all of it was same , all crazy love for u and then the distance comes . And you can feel it but keep convincing urself it this reason or that.

They don't care that they have hurt you, it was a game and they play it to the near end and like coward, leave a women in pain , without a second thought. And move on to there next victim . Why because they need constant verification by women that there still want and usually are married or have a girlfriend from the start.

I can one say honey im sorry u r in pain , but a time comes and you will heal and realize God didn't give them to you bc they were not right for you, it's taken a year for me and now I see that he never cared , I was only his muse .

I am here should you need to talk to someone. I had a friend help me through the pain. Just know you will feel whole again and the loneliness will go away

Sincerely
Me ... :)

Nearly five years ago.

There is some awesome people to be met online. I like getting to know people. I just don't like when it ends.

Karma is a ***** honey-:( he will get his, I can promise you this. Keep your head up!!!!

Oh, the pain of heart break and being screwed over. Been there. Most of us have. There has to be a silver lining. Better days are coming. I wish you love, happiness, and a good rest of your life and the ability to be grateful for it all and have no regrets.

How are you doing now, if I might ask?

I am so sorry! I can relate, and your story made me cry...

Chances are he was married. I know you said he had a girlfriend, but my suspicion is that he was married and thats why he couldnt see you. He lives in a small town, he was worried about the risks of being seen with you. I feel bad for you, truly but it seems like you unintentionally got played by him. I suggest you let him go on all communication platforms.

So sorry to hear that! I felt really bad reading this :( Because I can relate and understand your feelings. I hope you're doing much better since this happened!

met him online.towards the end of october.i fell,i wont lie.watever.first frigging time in my 18 yr old life.i wanted to break it off bcuz i felt like a naive dumb btch but just couldnt get myself to do it.i left an offline message telling him how maybe we shouldnt be doing that n later when he tells me about how he has been in the hospital i just knew i couldnt break it off.by then all my last drops of frost and resistance were gone and i knew i was doomed to love him,not that it was bad..lol.

and then,after god knows how many days of sparse offline messages,he leaves an offline message telling me how he 'met-a-girl-had a few drinks-n then took-her-to crash at his place-n then how they had sex'. and - how its 'not' his fault.
ofcourse!i mean u wouldnt expect the girl you have been chatting up at the bar over drinks and then took home to actually "sleep" with you,do you..??!!!aww,pity..

we broke it off in jan13.i almost hooked up with a guy from the internet.i felt so hopeless n depressed.i felt like a piece of jaundiced dog ****.lol.
n its a miracle if an hour goes by without a single thought about him.i want to open my brain and pick out him n all his crap n dump them in the trash can.!god guys can be really insensitive n cold.n harsh.n ********.watever.

yeah yeah..i know that "not all guys are bad".just a small 99.8% of them.

wear a helmet on that heart damnit.

so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately I think it is a more common thing these days. Have u been watching Catfish TV show recently? For me, personally, I presume most people I meet online are fakes and flakes and then if they happen to be real and genuine it is a pleasant suprise! I think online is more about fantasy and only real life is real life. Try to keep emotions out of it until you actually meet in real life - although this is easier said than done! Hope you have managed to move on from this

Am a shy girl in matter of heart alone... but very confident when it comes to work or wid family frnds... its just being close to someone or sharing my feelings of heart isn't easy... i too shared some feeling with distant guy and acted insanely stupid when i met him... think i wasn't sure of my feelings then..thought i am mentally and emotionally strong so thought he won't come to know much if i liked him ... i didn't knew myself well ..he gotta know and enjoyed the attention and affection i was giving him.. that's y i think i felt bad cause he called himself a gud frnd ... for first time like u i too had send a message(sweet ) back to him and am not used to doing this ..usually its the guy who will respond back first...can understand how you felt that day when he didn't respond back... won't stalk him though or won't ask for reason why (even if storm is building inside), cause am worth every bit and its his loss!!...plus we are women and vulnerable , shows we are so feminine and have emotions...this guy is a **** and a hollow person... and totally not worth you ! infact he is puppet under some other gals spell and wants to be manipulated by her...cause his string don't know where to fall and she will drive him... so tada lookout for a man not a chicken...every time u miss an opportunity... thr is someone better out thr... just don't close doors... be lil more carefull...

I don't know if it helps, but you're not the only one ... and you're not "insanely stupid", or, if you are, I am too. I made the mistake of falling for someone over the internet, even though I tried hard not to ... in the end, she panicked and "ran". I haven't felt so emotionally crushed since I was in my early twenties (3 decades ago) ... apparently, age and experience, and even gender, offer no protection against a broken heart. I wish you all the best.

So sorry about your bad experience, I met a wonderful woman on line over ten years ago, we got married and I am living a wonderful life with her. Just wished we had met when we were younger, but it was not meant to be. <br />
Don't give up on love, it may be just around the next corner. <br />
I wish you the best in life.

I fell in love with a man I meet online, I had just gotten divorced and was very vulnerable. He touched my heart and soul and now almost 9 months later we've never meet. I beg him to meet all the time and he always has an excuse. He apparently doesn't work where he said and now I doubt his name is real, it hurts to breath! I understand your pain and I wish there was a magic pill to take to stop loving someone.

people are very unreliable including our own selves and i just feel that the internet has created alot of problems for people really. i think your lucky you didnt meet him!

I am so sorry you had to experience this, but know not all men are like this and there have been some success stories that came from meeting someone online. I personally did not have a good story, but I know deep inside not everyone is out to hurt other people. Move on, there is someone for you. Maybe it is a reason why this did not go as you planned. It maybe is hard to understand this now, but one day you will see why.

Meeting someone online can work. But falling in love with someone online, or by phone or anything else, before you meet in person, is a huge mistake.<br />
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The problem isn't so much that people can deceive you, although that is certainly true. But that no matter how many hours you spend chatting online, talking on the phone or whatever, even with webcams, until you meet someone in person, there will be huge gaps in your knowledge about them and a complete void in terms of your understanding of the chemistry.<br />
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When there is missing information, your brain cannot just leave it void, so it fills in the missing parts, and does so in the way that you want them to be. Even with traditional dating, we often tend to believe things about the other that aren't true, simply because we don't know any better, and we create the image that we want.<br />
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So with a cyber connection, by the time you meet in person, you have such a warped idea of who that other person is, when you meet it is almost guaranteed to be a disappointment. You can feel like you are meeting a stranger!<br />
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My guess is that your guy understood this, at least on some level and when fantasy threatened to confront reality, he bailed and made excuses.<br />
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If you want to meet people online, great. It's a great way to find someone who seems to share your interests. But better stick close to home, and don't buy into the idea that spending a lot of time chatting and emailing before meeting will somehow increase your odds of success of make you safer.<br />
<br />
Just the opposite is true. If you chat a lot before meeting, you are already setting up the scenario where you meet and find that the person is someone very different. You might like th person as they are, but it will still be hard to regroup once you're created an image of them in your head.<br />
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As to safety, if you meet someone without a lot of chat first, you will be cautious and careful, watching out for danger signals. Someone who would be a threat to you would be street wise enough to know to chat you up and make you feel comfortable before meeting so you let your guard down. <br />
<br />
A better approach is to suggest a quick meeting as soon as you think there is any potential for a connection. Agree to meet for coffee and agree in advance that it will be for no more than 30 minutes. Have someone call you on your cell phone after 30 minutes so you can say, "Yes, yes, I know, I'm on my way" and depart. This is not a game, since you pre-agreed to keep it to 30 minutes, and this is just being used to support and enforce that boundary. And you ARE on your way. . . . to somewhere else!<br />
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In this way, you will get a sense for the all-important chemistry. Without which, there is no relationship, and why waste your time chatting with people if there is no chemistry?

Excellent post. It made a lot of sense,especially about the brain needing to fill in the bits of missing information. It wants to make a whole picture, and if it is going to go to all that trouble, why not make it the one that we want?

I guess it depends on the guy or woman whether an online relationship can work. I know I met a Japanese girl called Miho that I really enjoyed talking to and really liked her. We talked about all kinds of things, often she would contact me or vice versa. We also played a lot of L4D together. She was talking about how some time she should come visit me and taste the black mussels I told her about. We spoke about what type of job she preferred, etc.. Then she vanished. For six months I stressed that something had happened to her, but in December 2011 she came online and talked a bit. She told me her computer broke. I was just happy she was okay, she didn't talk as much and vanished again a week later. So disappointing.<br />
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However I was very faithful and loyal, I didn't even try to go after another girl while I was involved with her. Some guys are capable of devoting themselves to a girl they have met online. I guess some women are like that too. Either way, it is possible, you just have to meet the right person for you. I am still waiting.

youngie, you're an idiot...

This is why one experience with online dating was enough for me.

Oh honey I cried reading this. I am desperately in love with a man I met online, who has a girlfriend, and has a wandering eye. I know I'm stupid. But reading your story really helps it sink in. Your guy was at least acting exclusive with you at some point. Mine doesn't... Cuz he has a girlfriend. Ugh. That's probably why I'm not going to meet him(I had planned to but it didn't work out) and he has already made plans to come out to see ME! It's a silly head game he is playing with me and I feel like I will be left with the same feelings as you had. When I read your story... I feel everything you felt. Plus some extra shock. I almost expect this more with my guy - But hope that he will be exceptional and end up loving me(STUPID YES I KNOW). But with YOUR guy, he wasn't attached... I don't understand how people can treat others as if they are disposable! I do not understand how a human being can be so close to somebody one day, and treat them like a stranger the next! This is inhuman behaviour, I swear. This is not ******* normal. But I'm telling you girl, you are NOT disposable. You ARE lovable, just save all that loving for a man who really wants it and is willing to EARN IT. I'm in no place to give advice, so this is advice to ME and a reminder to you should you ever need it. You deserve a grand, true love. NOT THIS BULLSHIT. I hope the past couple years have shown your love life better days. If they have, and you're in love, I am so happy for you. YOU DESERVE REAL LOVE. If real love hasn't come along yet, just hang on. You'll find it somewhere. For now don't look anywhere except within. Love yourself. The rest will follow. <3

I'm so sorry for all that happened, But think of it in another way you've learnt your lesson and right now you really know what you need. I'm pretty sure you will find another guy nearby who is caring, honest and faithful and would never hurt you again so live your life to the fullest and don't think about him anymore and you should even block him online just forget about the whole thing and keep waiting for the perfect guy to come. Best wishes.

Girl, why did you still go see him when you knew about the girlfriend? He was dishonest with you by not telling you about the thing with the girlfriend. I don't mean to come down hard on you but never let a man see you are desperate. I met someone on line too and I do plan on going to meet him but we are a lot alike and if something was a little off I would not go to see him. You can a lot when a man is dishonest or doesn't tell you everything. I don't blame you for hooking up with someone else because you probably needed to feel something with another man.<br />
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But anything could have happened to you while you were driving, don't let a man do this to you, to make you crazy. I know I have let a man make me crazy before and you just want to do something about it but he's not worth it. Don't do this to yourself again. It isn't that its because you met him on the internet, there are good people on here as well as people who really don't give a ****, but to go on a plane to meet a guy you know is involved with someone else is a big mistake. There are other guys out there, girl. Ones who will want you and you won't have to deal with all this ****.

You already have more comments than most get but I feel compelled to say something here. I can't add to the wisdom of all the folks that posted. EP is so awesome for this... the camaraderie of pain and of healing. It isn't about "war of the shitpiles" and trying to compare who's been hurt the most. But, it IS about normalizing your experience and putting in into perspective. The dude that zapped my sad little heart had his other hunny LIVING with him while he was still going on and on about how we were meant to be together and all that crap. I had to find out HERE that someone else HERE beat me to the punch. Your wandering fella certainly did wrong by you because he should have cut things off the moment he WANTED to be serious about the girl at his work. He should have told you, or her. He was hedging his bets against things not working out with her. So far, things are ok... but work relationships never go well. By the time he realizes what he lost, you won't quite remember what it was about him. Heck, you're already laughing about it -- even if sometimes you cry. Only now, more than a year later, do I realize how lucky I was that I held fast to MY morals and didn't try to be with him. There's nothing wrong with an occasional hook-up, especially one with a smooth-gentle-southerner. Southern men have a knack for making what hurts feel a little less painful. <br />
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Moving on into your future, I would say that there are great men out there. There are. But, be cautious about online men. I have many online men friends, and I cherish them, and think the world of them. Dating? No. I think it's safer to build something ba<x>sed on friendship. There are a lot of real, genuine men on EP who just like you and me, are looking for connections and real depth. Sure, we'd all love to find someone with whom the chemistry is out of this world, with whom we can share our deepest most intimate selves. I think that when THAT happens with a deep and trusted friend, it makes the wait so worthwhile. As for the future of relationships, I don't know anyone that hasn't been burned by an online flame. We'll all become much more circumspect as we move forward.

Sorry that this happened to you, Alyssa. It's painful when someone you love or even like doesn't respond to your overtures. I bet the guy you met online is married, and he's not even saying so. He sounds like a deceitful, lying, exploitive sociopath, and you're far better off without him. <br />
<br />
This is not to say that stuff like this doesn't happen offline, because it certainly does, but online dating/meeting does carry more risks, because one never really does know who or what they're meeting with or dealing with, if one gets the drift. Hope you have some better luck in the future.

I am very sadden to here this had happen to you. A part of me say track him down and punch him in the face , but you can't do this cause you can get arrested. So for now on , you might find the right guy here on this site and you both will have a lot in common.

Ohhh' feels like I'm readin my story...been there Allysa! Just recently, broke up with almost a 2 yrs of relationship. He made me feel so loved...and now I don't know if that love really existed, or just lived those days for 2 yrs on a dream....Thanks to him for waking me up anyway!!

it happens offline, too. your experience has been repeated by many ... even before the internet was available to the crawly masses! you wrote this over a year ago, hope you have moved on and someone who cherishes you is with you -- mind, body, spirit. glad you had the southerner!

Guys like that make my skin crawl.<br />
I don't mean to be rude but I think you've dodged a bullet. Imagine you actually met him, started a relationship and THEN found out he was like this. The fact that he ignored you is rude and selfish.<br />
I met a few girls online, one of them never showed up at a date. It really leaves you feeling betrayed by someone you put your trust in.<br />
<br />
It ****** me off that people can treat other people this way...

This happened to me too, except I got the weird feeling before actually meeting him. He kept convincing me to meet, to take it further... Yet he had a girlfriend all that time. It was exactly the same, very intense then suddenly he had too much work and finally, he told me the truth.

This happened to me too, except I got the weird feeling before actually meeting him. He kept convincing me to meet, to take it further... Yet he had a girlfriend all that time. It was exactly the same, very intense then suddenly he had too much work and finally, he told me the truth.

Man, that sucks. I have also experiences long distance relationships, and it hurts like a *****. Not being able to be physically by them, feeling their heart beat. But what he did to you is just low. I know guys have their reasons, but the least they can do is grow some balls and tell it up straight than for us finding out in the end, and whole big chaotic mess appears. But I'm glad at the end of your trip, you go over it (: Lesson learned. Painfully.

wel how come u wasted ur time even going there knowing he did not want you? internet dating never trust, they too many pla<x>yers but at times u may get lucky, i did but it was on date hookup and today we are married

I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Online dating and long distance relationship is just a bunch of crap to me. I tried them before and it didn't work. I tried them several time actually. I think it's better if we dated people who are close to us. And btw, if someday you have the chance to see that online guy again... PUNCH him and BREAK HIS NOSE. He deserve it. No one should ever get treated the way that you got treated.

I'm sorry you went through this. Sadly my ex friend went through this too. The guy was wonderful to her but he made no attempt to see her even though she fell in love with him... sadly she blamed me for the whole thing when none of it was my fault. If you ever wanna talk... I'll gladly listen

My heart goes out to you and I hope you do the internal work to let him go and forget about him. It will take some time but you can do this. Same thing happened to me about 2 months ago. Only difference is I did not meet him online, I met him in person and he used to come see me everyday at work and every day after work. I thought he was really into me, because he told me he was. He told me he had strong feelings for me and was falling in love with me. We both agreed to be exclusive with eachother. He lives in a different state than I do. We met because he comes to my area for 3 months each year for work. He went back to his home, we spoke everyday sometimes 3 times a day. He wanted me to come visit him and I purchased non refundable airline ticket, and took time off from work to see him. The purpose of this visit was to see if there was a real relationship between us, and we didn't want to pass this up if it was. I was very excited to see him , then for 2 days he did not call me, text me, or answer any of my call. Finally 5 days before I was to go there, he called to tell me that the night before he had run into his ex-girlfriend and was with her sexually, and decided that her was going to be with her, and before he dumped me, he told me what a wonderful woman I am and that maybe I will meet someone to spend the rest of my life with, or maybe I will be alone the rest of my life. He knew all the arrangements I had made to see him, and he knew how much it cost me financially. Either I was in a fantasy world or a stupid idiot who can't see what reality is, but I truly feel it is because I believed everything he told me. I believe pretty much everything anyone tells me. I don't want to go through life skeptical of every word a person tells me, and that is my downfall in life. My bad. You are not alone in what you went through. Hang in there and realize we fell for selfish and immature men. Hopefully we will learn from this, and just so you know, they didn't deserve us.

You never met the guy before only chatted online, you are a married who was about to leave country and have an affair, you can’t let go and cry, keep texting and calling...If I was the guy, I would have not met you either avoiding entering a triangle that could have been dangerous. <br />
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What I hear from your story is that you had set yourself too many expectations with this deceiving (Although I detect from your story that the guy was simply misleading you) love and none happen and now upset. It will pass, time heals, keep yourself occupied.<br />
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As I was saying to another girl who also felt hurt by a web love, learn to differentiate the real world and the web

im currently in a chatting phase with this guy. and your story definitely helps to keep my guard up. i'm sorry to hear that the guy was such a douche. thank you for sharing and i hope it all works out for you in the end.

I would never trust anyone on line and you never know who they are really and thier life and so on,I feel sorry for you ,you wanted love and what you got,and for me he is a looser.At least he could be honest and say something am not ready,am not sure of my feelings or whatever and not make you take a trip and search for an idiot and be lost and what if something happened to you in strange town.<br />
They are not worht it.<br />
All the best and luck in love.

Never mind..he was a jerk thank god he showed his true color..just imagined what would have had happened if you guys have had met ..dated and then this all had happened? ... :) <br />
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God bless you

Hi<br />
Just read this and am sorry for you. We all learn out of mistakes and guess in the long term you will look a back and laugh at what you did.<br />
Me i am a level headed girl who has gone through you have.<br />
The question is are the people on line real. I fell for smeone too. A real nice person who gave me attention that i lapped up. However, in the long term ( my guess ) they where only looking to fill a gap in their life. Had to work this out. I have let this person go even though it hurt.<br />
You should only look to make friends with real people babe. The likes of Fb should only be used for real friends.<br />
xx

So sorry hun... I don't know what to say to ease your pain. I also fell in love with someone I met online, moved to his town and everything. Then, after 5 years, he LEFT ME. Just like that.<br />
I don;' know if it's the online stuff... or if some men are just bastards.

Did you ever consider that he is married? Perhaps he wanted to<br />
meet, then the reality set in. I think it's ok to meet online, but you can't know someone intimately until you've been face to face. You can create what you need very easily online, but you may well be creating it with someone you don't even have chemistry with! Acknowledge your needs and don't go too far online without meeting in person. I made that mistake and hurt someone.

I did not see the end coming as it happened,I really thought he would show up out of the blue and spend time with you even though he is now with a new girl.I am happy you got some laughs out of it,some cuddling and some hot sex I presume.Hmm I think you should have shared that part too but I was sad for you and it felt like I was with you the whole time watching it all take place.Very sorry you were not told the truth early on,that sucks.I hope that something good happens for you,sounds like you deserve it.You really sound like a good person so I feel for all you went through.

Just so sad.

My sister is currently dating a jacka$$ she met online. He's a con-artist/scam-artist/swindler/gambler/drug-addict . I have prayed for him to have a massive heart attack and stroke at the same time. People please leave online dating to alone!

i followed my friend amelle here. what a sad story. but i'm sure all this made you a stronger person. i would love to hear an update from you....how you are, if you ever heard back from him. what a jackass! i'm glad for you that some good ole boys from my neck of the woods took the time to help you get through it in the short term. southerners are good at that ;) take care, sunni

Thank you for sharing your story. This just happened to me, and it hurts a lot, but I am able to accept it and move on. I was not in his class either, actually I was way beyond his class, and country. I am a 3rd year Political Scientist major with Honours, and he a small town country "boy" in his thirties, has a part-time job, with no goals to do anything with his life except get a factory job and live an average life.<br />
<br />
I met this guy about a month a ago, on the phone, at his work. I live in Canada, he lives in the US. We had a great conservation and he told me I want to continue talking to me, so I gave him my number. After that, we were talking everyday for hours, texting, and connected on Facebook.<br />
<br />
This went on for weeks, till one day he told me that he loved me, and to be honest, I fell in love with him too. It felt so right, that he posted to all his friends and family about me, we started a relationship. In the process, there was this girl, who he said was his stalker, who kept on sending him stuff. He told her and everyone that him and I were together, so the girl disappeared.<br />
<br />
I thought everything was going well. He was looking for a ring for me, and he wanted to go get his passport to come to Canada.<br />
It was moving so fast, but I thought we both accepted this, well that was not the case.<br />
<br />
The last night before we ended our call, he told me, he loved me.The next morning he said "good morning hun," and that was that.<br />
<br />
3 hours later, I found him sending his picture that same supposed stalker. Sending her message that he loved her all a long and telling her that he was meant for her. The same girl from before that she was a "stalker and not his type." <br />
<br />
His kid sister was happy and was also continue to get into the posting.<br />
I tried to fight back and did my best, but it didn't work.<br />
<br />
I cried, and I was in complete shock because he said he loved me, and now that love was unfolding right before my eyes, in front of everyone.<br />
<br />
During that day, I texted him x 6 times, called x 3times, till I realized that he wasn't calling me back.<br />
<br />
Well, that was that.<br />
<br />
I was going to wait for three days, but, I realized after 12 hours later, I will never heard from him again. While I was in the process of removing myself and the relationship, she sent a post saying " Love You Hunny- Bunny." <br />
<br />
Now, after that experience, I truly know that he got scared of my academic and professional career and he had to go for someone who was exactly like him, "an average Joe."<br />
<br />
Though he sent all those things, and he wasn't lying, he couldn't keep up to me, so he coward out. All I got was the same thing you got, the silent treatment till you take the hint to say goodbye. <br />
I wrote him one final letter, and said that that ok, because I have more balls than him, I wished him good luck with his stalker and moved on.<br />
<br />
That whole experience just reconfirmed what I really want in a man, a best friend, a partner, and a spouse.<br />
That whole experience also showed me things about myself that I never seen before, and I thank him for it. It had me stronger, more determined, and loving myself more completely, even accepting my faults. Because life is what you made of it, and in my life, I'm meant for greatness, not mundaneness. He was just a pebble in my shoe, while I'm climbing up Mount Everest. <br />
<br />
And that's ok. It was fun, cute, but he wasn't the one. I still think of him time to time, but I know that I am beautiful, HOT, educated, strong and powerful. He can not be equal to me because I'll be the one wearing the pant in the relationship, financially, academically, and spiritually. <br />
<br />
I know that I can love again, but this time, he has to be in my league, not me digressing to his.

So so sorry<br />
A whole lot of people DO hide behind the online mask so they can be anything and anyone they want<br />
Remember the song,,,,,, <br />
" from my momma's downstairs ba<x>sement apt, i log in , my acne scarred face stares into the screen , as i lean my chubby squat elbows onto the desk and heave my short legs into the chair<br />
and i soon become 6'4" and have my own condo and dress like a prep<br />
ONLINE i become someone even I like! Thats who i become online"<br />
<br />
SO sweetie <br />
Next time just be a bit more careful . I hope things are better now , its been awhile since your post

I have just gone through the same thing.<br />
<br />
I met a man in America and had a wonderful 10 days with him. I believed we were in love and he asked me to leave my husband for him. I went back to my country and broke up with my husband. I then called my lover in America to tell him I had broken up with my husband, but I didn't want to put pressure on our new relationship, so I would come to America just for one week's holiday. He told me he was overjoyed and that he was madly in love with me, and couldn't wait to see me.<br />
<br />
That was the last I heard from him. My texts went unanswered, then I got some pathetic text message about his bag being 'stolen' (like that has anything to do with anything). I never heard from him again.<br />
<br />
I just can't fathom the cruelty of people like this. I thought we were in love. More fool me.

I am going through a simuliar situation- ill explain and maybe it will help u to know that u r not alone. In march i met someone from another country. The distance didnt matter to me becuz i was busy a lot. He said he liked me much and wanted to meet me when he comes to this country. Now mind u he asked me to meet him. After months of chatting I decided to meet him when he came to America in Oct. <br />
<br />
So when the time was drawing near he asked me to send him my flight details and i did. This is when the heart break begins. I puchased my ticket and sent him the details. I wanted to wait to hear from him b4 I booked my room. When i emailed him my flight details he never responded. The next day after I sent my details I got a gut feeling that I was going to be heartbroken becuz he responds to me right away, so i felt that next day that he was going to stand me up, and he did and told myself that i would not contact him becuz I did my part. <br />
<br />
Needless to say I never went to meet him and loss some money from my ticket. I am a emotional person and this cut me to the core of my heart. I have not contacted him since I sent my flight details for a few reasons. Firstly, i feel so stupid for believing him that he really wanted to meet me. Secondly, I still cant get my arms around why someone would play such a hideous game. I would never have done this if he had not wanted to meet me. I feel just awful. I want to contact him and tell him how he hurt me but dont want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he broke another heart. Thirdly, I am not accustomed to chasing men. I felt that if he wanted to contact me he will. I proved that i am a women of my word by agreeing to meet him. <br />
<br />
So just know that you r not alone in your situation and the pain is unbearable and its a pain that I hope to never have to endure. I wish this for you as well. Then again, maybe someday when im feeling better about this I will email him not to ask why he would do such a cruel thing, but to tell him how this made me feel.

I am going through a simuliar situation- ill explain and maybe it will help u to know that u r not alone. In march i met someone from another country. The distance didnt matter to me becuz i was busy a lot. He said he liked me much and wanted to meet me when he comes to this country. Now mind u he asked me to meet him. After months of chatting I decided to meet him when he came to America in Oct. <br />
<br />
So when the time was drawing near he asked me to send him my flight details and i did. This is when the heart break begins. I puchased my ticket and sent him the details. I wanted to wait to hear from him b4 I booked my room. When i emailed him my flight details he never responded. The next day after I sent my details I got a gut feeling that I was going to be heartbroken becuz he responds to me right away, so i felt that next day that he was going to stand me up, and he did and told myself that i would not contact him becuz I did my part. <br />
<br />
Needless to say I never went to meet him and loss some money from my ticket. I am a emotional person and this cut me to the core of my heart. I have not contacted him since I sent my flight details for a few reasons. Firstly, i feel so stupid for believing him that he really wanted to meet me. Secondly, I still cant get my arms around why someone would play such a hideous game. I would never have done this if he had not wanted to meet me. I feel just awful. I want to contact him and tell him how he hurt me but dont want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he broke another heart. Thirdly, I am not accustomed to chasing men. I felt that if he wanted to contact me he will. I proved that i am a women of my word by agreeing to meet him. <br />
<br />
So just know that you r not alone in your situation and the pain is unbearable and its a pain that I hope to never have to endure. I wish this for you as well. Then again, maybe someday when im feeling better about this I will email him not to ask why he would do such a cruel thing, but to tell him how this made me feel.

that sucks. i'm sorry.

I wana punch that crap head internet boi hard..wana get together and do that to him and sm1 i know? Hehe!take care..keep smiling for ur sake.muah!

I don't have some huge explanation or whatever. I AM going through the exact same thing, except with a girl who lives within biking distance (about 110 miles) from me.

Awwww :'(<br />
<br />
So sad. SORRY.<br />
try to forget and the best way to forget is simply GET DAMN BUSY :( even hard but it works ...<br />
I have been in long distance **** 2 years back & still trying to get things on straight line...<br />
<br />
well, I can wish GOOD LUCK for you :)<br />
build a circle of good n caring friends .....<br />
<br />
Best wishes.

I read that you were/are married. Are you still married? If you are, you cheated with some total stranger in a hotel room and you're upset over some loser you met online who obviously was a pla<x>yer. That I don't understand.

Hi,<br />
<br />
Your experience is painful and traumatic for a girl like you. You are very emotional and most people will take advantage of you.<br />
<br />
The guy in question does not deserve a girl like you and am sure you will get a better partner in life. So cheer up and move ahead in life.<br />
<br />
The guy is probably a looser and was comfortable in his cocoon of long distance friendship where no physical strings are attached. He can switch on and off with you whenever he needed as he shuts down his computer. The logic of meeting you in flesh and have to cope with the needs of such a relationship unnerved him. Hence he quit and avoided you. He will be having a dreadful personal life with no GF and he wanted to make it online without any string attached. There are thousands like that online who are losers and pretend to be a Casanova. Unfortunately girls like you are taken for a ride.<br />
<br />
Life is beautiful if you have vision, so take it as a good riddance and move ahead in life. Whatever happens happens for good.<br />
<br />
Take care<br />
<br />
Confidant

I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this heartache. The guy is a real ***.<br />
My guess is that he already had a girlfriend, and was 'playing the field, sorry to say.<br />
<br />
He shouldn't have led you on like he did. I'll never understand why people do that. <br />
But people do it in 3d life also, and it always hurts like hell when it happens.<br />
<br />
Also as happens in life way too often, one person is believing the other 100%, while the user is being just what they are...a user. It's so sad that some people have to play games of the heart.<br />
<br />
You'll get over this eventually, and you'll be much wiser next time. I know that all of these comments really don't help when you hurt so bad right now, but you WILL get over him.<br />
<br />
I have confidence in you.

I'd say screw him! What the hell does he mean he can't cheat on his girlfriend? He cheated on you, didn't he?

Awe dude that really sucks but look at the bright side, you can always come visit me ; )

i agree

I'm so sorry this happened to you. But in a way, you're lucky. Three years ago this weekend, a guy I met online, who lived on the other side of the country, invited me to come spend some time with him. I was hesitant, but he was insistent....."I'm crazy about you, come stay with me, see if you like it back here." Bought my ticket, and as late as two days before I was to leave, asked him again if he was sure he wanted me to come. "Oh, baby, I can't wait to see you." Well, you can guess the rest. I had flown redeye across the country, with one layover, and he wasn't at the airport. Also, not answering his phone. I was in a city I had never been in before, where I knew no one. It wasn't in my budget to turn around and fly back, hell, it was barely in my budget to find a place to stay for four days. When I got home, I found he had deleted me from all of the online places we used to communicate. But I got my revenge. There's a site called Don'tDateHimGirl.com..went on there, posted his pic and my experience with him. A couple of months later, he emailed me and said he had lost his job due to my posting. While I don't believe that, at the very least some other girl he was playing saw him on there and called him on it. <br />
<br />
I know this is tough. Even after all this time, I still have anger about what happened to me. But you DO need to be guarded when you're dealing online with anyone. When they're far away, they can talk the talk, but rarely can they walk the walk. Hang in there.

Hey Alyssa,<br />
<br />
I know how ya feel and all I can say is if I get a bikini wax, go on the pill, and workout to look good and the girl I LIKE does this to me????? (Just tryin' to make you smile..) but really, that sucks.....

everyone i know who has met someone on line has a story like this. first, you have to realize this has nothing to do with you, or anything you did wrong. it could just as easily happened that you got there, met him, stayed with him, and found out that you couldn't stand him....his laugh, his smell, any of a hundred little things. and then you'd've been stuck with him! i have also heard THAT story countless time from online daters. <br />
in future, limit your online relationships to guys that are geographically desirable, meaning, someone you could actually, easily have a real relationship with. and honey, take my advice, don't waste time having long online relationships w/o meeting the guy in person. meet them SOONER not later. i know so many women who devoted months to online relationship that tanked as soon as they met.

Very sorry that you are hurting. I found that if something seems not right, or if I find myself starting to make excuses for a guy's behaviour, then I need to walk away. You should read the book "He's Just Not That Into You", it will help you to see more clearly what his behaviour means. When we don't feel good about ourselves it makes us very vulnerable and others take advantage. I know, I've experienced this. <br />
<br />
Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself that you are worth more than to be treated like this. DON'T make excuses for him, or his behaviour. Actions speak louder than words, a cliche that certainly fits here. Who knows why his friend said what they did? Perhaps he was falling for you, but then he fell for someone else. Would you really want to be involved with someone so fickle? Also, his behaviour won't change, he will probably end up falling for someone else again next week and hurt this other woman.<br />
<br />
Take care of yourself.

Wow, now that really sucks. I too am in a online relationship at this time, although not quite to the point you were. With that said, I am feeling that maybe the lady in which I am conversing with may not be quite the right person for me and my feelings for her have started to increase unfortulately. Through different conversations I am begenning to think that she has an open door status with the young bucks in the small town she lives in. I'm not an angle by any means, but I;m not a ****-puppy either, I think this fellow was a dumbass and probabally has a wife instead of a new girlfriend. Allthough you didn't say how long this relationship had been going on, I don't think a new girl at work would change his feelings for you if they were true feelings.... Hang in there, the hurt will pass,and I'm sure you will find the RIGHT person for you.

Past experience taught me that you can't 'fall in love' with someone via cyber. It's fantasy until you meet face to face. That's why I tended to suggest meeting fairly quickly if I was interested in someone I'd met online.<br />
Bottom line - cyber relationships can evolve into something lasting, permanent and 3D. I'm married to mine.<br />
I'm sorry you were hurt in this, wish you well in the future.

not sorry one bit what if you did go and he dropped you there or worse lead you on ?? he sits a bit higher that a piece o crap just for him telling you but he was leading you on and thats not nice NOPE and not rite good thing is he had the dallz to tell ya ? w/ no credit to him you also tell that you started looking at yoursielf in a different way ? nails and a bit of working out thats cool as well as good 4 u keep going the summer is comming up and you should be having a bit of funn rite around there as well as ghit your not stuck with that looser and dont give up yoursielf too anyone on the net --dont know the guy dont care it just seems rough going 4 ya good lucks to you if in la ill buy ya a beer cul roc

Watch talhotblonde. I got it out of the redbox last weekend, and it is a must see for you. I think of the internet as defensive driving, I know I am ok, but you never know what is going on in that other car. good luck, and i'm sorry you were hurt. Please watch talhotblonde

Sorry he hurt you. <br />
<br />
I know I tried to warn you but that doesn't make it good that I was right.<br />
<br />
I didn't want you to get hurt. I know how it feels.

Wish you would have met me instead. You sound like a nice person. Guess it was his loss.

Girl im sorry for you. even tough i don't know you<br />
<br />
to be honest women need to learn that a relationship isn't build in a day or a week or a month, and that putting your heart in the line for the first jackass that spend a few weeks or a month talking to you online or acting interested in you, can cause you a great deal of pain whenever Reality hits you. this story will keep on happening. im not saying that finding your soul mate online is impossible, but the chances of this happening are really slim to none........EVERYTHING TAKES TIME. I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE RUSH OF BEING WITH SOMEBODY.<br />
<br />
To explain my point better, if for a normal relationship: actually knowing the person that interest you>>not online<< my prudent time is at least six months to show your feelings and put my heart in the line my average time to start falling for someone online would be not least than ten months,,<br />
<br />
you would ask why??<br />
simple, NOT EVERYBODY THINK, FEEL, or HAS the same intentions that you have.<br />
<br />
for us a women that seems too interested, willing and that actually cares, is a quick turn off,<br />
thats why just like women get hurt so do guys. and because guys deal with "heart pain" different than women we just rather stop caring or showing signs of emotions and go tru life, living like an empty shell where Sex,money and recognition drive our life, <br />
<br />
Love is an indescribable feeling and those fortunate enough to receive it back, cherish enjoy and guard it, Cause nobody knows what they have until they don't anymore.<br />
<br />
JIM aKa Dr Listen.

Girl im sorry for you. even tough i don't know you<br />
<br />
to be honest women need to learn that a relationship isn't build in a day or a week or a month, and that putting your heart in the line for the first jackass that spend a few weeks or a month talking to you online or acting interested in you, can cause you a great deal of pain whenever Reality hits you. this story will keep on happening. im not saying that finding your soul mate online is impossible, but the chances of this happening are really slim to none........EVERYTHING TAKES TIME. I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE RUSH OF BEING WITH SOMEBODY.<br />
<br />
To explain my point better, if for a normal relationship: actually knowing the person that interest you>>not online<< my prudent time is at least six months to show your feelings and put my heart in the line my average time to start falling for someone online would be not least than ten months,,<br />
<br />
you would ask why??<br />
simple, NOT EVERYBODY THINK, FEEL, or HAS the same intentions that you have.<br />
<br />
for us a women that seems too interested, willing and that actually cares, is a quick turn off,<br />
thats why just like women get hurt so do guys. and because guys deal with "heart pain" different than women we just rather stop caring or showing signs of emotions and go tru life, living like an empty shell where Sex,money and recognition drive our life, <br />
<br />
Love is an indescribable feeling and those fortunate enough to receive it back, cherish enjoy and guard it, Cause nobody knows what they have until they don't anymore.<br />
<br />
JIM aKa Dr Listen.

Something about internet relationships that is different than real life relationships is...it is way easier to misrepresent who you are. It is also more emotional and more intense as all we are is emotion...kind of like disembodied heads. even if we use a video camera we are still only what we want the other to think we are. <br />
I have "fallen for" three people on line. two were in an avatar based chatroom. the first was such an intese emotional experience that the man nearly left his wife. I told him not to and he needed to leave the chat site and repair his marraige. The second lasted longer and we spoke on the phine for months, but never met. The third was a local person. We met, have taken the relationship very slow, kept honest as much as possible ( we all perceive ourselves differently) and hopefully this will turn out ok for us. <br />
Always take everything on line lightly. Try not to get too involved. and if you do know their real name, pay for a background search.....search for everything you can find....trust no one but hope to find nothing. <br />
His breaking up with you had nothing to do with you and who you are and everything to do with him following the closest lead..after all men do not think with the head on their shoudlers but with something lower...get it? I am sure you do.

Your story is sad.... and not at all unusual. This scenario happens more than you can imagine, but it doesn't make it justifiable or hurt any less. Men (and some women) play this online game, not realizing or caring that the person on the other end is REAL. It hurts more than your heart, it hurts you in many aspects of your life. Take this as a learning experience about yourself, relationships and especially, the internet. This "man" is not a real man at all, you are better to cut your losses now and not communicate with him any longer. The hard truth is this; he has disrespected you and continuing to communicate with him is now YOU disrespecting you. You deserve to be happy and respected. Find out what those things really mean to you, then set out to accept nothing less. You must first know what you really want and treat yourself in that manner first and foremost. Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you and this will not happen to you again. An important tip for you and anyone reading this.... do a background check on someone BEFORE you get in too deep and absolutely before meeting them in person or letting them know too much info about you. Treat yourself as if you are the most precious thing in the world, because to you... YOU ARE!

There is a couple of ways to look at this. You have pointed out some. Think for a moment, he no longer has a playmate on line as cool as you are does he. He lost out too due to his own hand. Or foot in mouth if you prefer.<br />
<br />
Now that you have had the sample package how about finishing what you have started? What you say? Yes, finish what you have started. Look at your mental state of mind, not the him part. The part where you were feeling all these wonderful feelings. Why waste it? You have a great start on a great set of feeling in your mind as to what you want right?<br />
<br />
Replace him with the thoughts of Mr. Oh Yea!!! This could be anyone and even someone you already know. And maybe someone You haven't met yet. It is possible that he knows of you and has not stepped forward yet as he feels it is not the right time. The possibilities are unlimited. Always have been.<br />
<br />
When you get right down to it you really got what you wanted anyway. How is that you say? When you were on line you were thinking it would be nice to have a relationship with someone and that is what you got. It is when you said you were going to be in his area that it all changed right? That is the difference. As long as it was only on line it worked. <br />
<br />
And now you want a face to face relationship and that is what you will have to add to your thoughts along with what all you would like/enjoy/ and expect from a guy of personal interest. Like I said, you have a good start, finish it. Not with Mr on line but with Mr for real. Finish your thoughts on what you want in this man of yours and expect him to come to you and he will.<br />
<br />
You will know him when you see him as you have finished the thought of what you desire in a man and will see him right off. Add something that only you will know when he shows up. Enjoy!!!

this is devastating! i'm so sorry that this happened to you. grieve 'cause he broke your heart, give it a proper burial and try to move on. again, i'm sorry that this happened...the jackass!

OMG I wish I could take you out for a cup of coffee and some girl talk. What a **** this guy is! My guess is he had a girlfriend already and was just messing with you. You were cute and available and he thought he'd have some fun. Move on girl. I know it ain't easy, but you will be glad you did... and I know you are saying "no I won't" but believe me... you will be glad you did. Why do I know? Been there, done that. You are intelligent, young and have the world in front of you. Don't waist one more minute on this guy. Best wishes!

SO sorry. this saddens me so much. I have never been in your situation but i do get how you can fall inlove with a stranger. Dont give up on love and life, just smile. "This too shall pass"

I feel so sorry 4 u ive been there myself it destroys u but it also loses trust 4 the next one. Doesnt matter if the other woman is pretty its probably his wife. I dont believe its a new girl if it was he still should ov arranged to meet u thats why i said his wife. Be careful my thoughts are wiv ux

So sorry to hear your woeful tale, but in truth you didn't DO any of these things for HIM you did them for YOU. For YOUR happiness and for YOUR desires, so get real.

Eh, long distance things hardly work out. Heh. <br />
Don't look at yourself in this case, look at what that guy did. If he felt the same way about you as you did about him, it'd be a different thing. <br />
But he didn't feel the same way obviously, and he was even shady about it with the dodging you business. <br />
You're obviously a mature girl, and I bet you already know a lot of the answers you are looking for.<br />
You're really sensitive. Chances are, you're still trying to talk to him, too. <br />
Its best you cut that bridge and then move on with yourself. You're waaay more interesting than any guy you could get involved with online by yourself.

so sorry, alyssa. maybe tomorrow will be a better day. for now, all we can do is cherish the memories...