Forever Comparing.today i was mid happy..perfectly fine...and generally in a good mood.
most of you if you have read my other stories would have known about my past..and my distorted view on my body and other peoples.
I was on Facebook checking through my notifications, chatting to people and looking through photo's when i accidentally clicked on my best friends friend on facebook, it took me to a girl (cant say name) who must have been 17-18 i think. as me being me, i didnt hesitate to nose about through her info...then her pictures. There were albums which held pictured within....i knew it would make me depressed and lower than i was...but i couldn't not look. i looked through completely side tracked and mind blown as to how beautiful and stunning this girl was...she was tanned...soo skinny and had the nicest, longest hair ever seen, she had everything..ABSOLUTELY everthing..everything i wanted so bad...she was rich too....and had so many likes on her photo's and sooo many comments...she was BEAUTIFUL.
Thats where the pain started...i looked down at myself..my short,,plump self...i needed to do something, and thats where i made my stupid...not making sence idea...i rushed downstairs and drunk straight down 2 pint glasses of water...thinking maybe it would flush out all the bad foods or things i had eaten....i felt sick..but it had to be done....:'(
this was what made me realise.,..i do this on a day to day basis,..COMPARE,COMPARE,COMPARE,..i cant get over how to stop doing it...and i know i will do it for the rest of my life,..I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY..so for now..im just going to stop eating...until i feel hunger and pain...just to be like that girl in the pictures :(
i know i shouldnt have looked,..but i couldnt help myself:'(
i hope people read this story and have an idea or unserstand where i am coming from...if not...then im alone.