I Think I Fell In Love With My Fwb

Whoops. We first met 6 months ago with the exclusive purpose of getting together for sex. Out of character for me, completely. But I was just out of a 10 year relationship and sex deprived and figured why not live my life a little. I didn't think I'd end up having feelings for him. The first few months were hell for me. We met up maybe all of 4 times, strickly just had sex and that was that. Long story short...I couldnt do it anymore. It sucked. I felt like crap. I told him. It seemed like we'd be going our separate ways. Then Im not really sure what happened, but we started texting daily, talking on the phone occasionally. Anyway...Over the last couple months my feelings have only become stronger. Stupid me, I think, but I liked him and I think I hoped maybe he'd end up liking me.
Classic FWB situation huh? lol I am a walking cliche. Anyway.

Here are some examples of the very confusing nature that has become my FWB situaiton...that was never actually called a FWB situation...it just was. Actually correction. While we met up for sex- we both made statements that we wanted to see where it went. It was me who said--I can no longer do this, I like you too much, lets just be friends. So then- I guess, our official title was- Just Friends. But like I said- then we started talking a whole crap load more. Personal things too. My grandfather had been sick. He was supportive. Our jobs, our passions. God. so on.

Anyway. Meeting became more regular. Almost every weekend. At least once. A couple times it was the weekend and during the week. He changed. Offering me kisses...kissing my forhead. Cuddling with me- before and after sex, back rubs, rubbing me. He went from being really stingy about going out - didn't want to spend any type of money- to freely and offering to pay for dinner or drinks. Anyway, it can all just be cracked up to a guy being nice to me. Just because he likes me doesnt mean he wants to be with me. I get it.

I was still unsatisfied. I was tired of always being the one to initiate or go to his place. I think where my major error was in all of this is that I mistook some of his behavior over the time I've known him as him liking me. I think this is due to being in a crappy relationship and so I accepted normal nice behavior as more. Anyway. I distanced myself but then he came in full force. Seeming genuinely interested in spending time with me and wanting to see me. I gave it a shot. I went to see him and man it was different, it was even better than it had started being. Got some food, he treated. We talk so easily, laughing flirting and joking seems natural. He says I should start coming down every friday. Then later mentions that I should just leave early the next morning...implying sleeping over again. He had to work...he told me, stay at my place while Im gone. All these things all at once and I was finding myself on cloud 9. I was getting all I wanted. More time with him to see what happens and what develops.

Then he got home. Long story short, we had our first little mini fight. He sits next to me and says...."well I got a lot to do..." and I can feel my stomach sink. I know where this is going. I get the...time to be on your way speech. And I am beside myself. In shock. Why would you have me stay here...for you to get home..for me to leave when you get back. Why did you ask me to sleep over. I felt like I was talking to a different person. The person - Im more used to. He seemed genunily sorry- that this was all a misunderstanding. He knew he said those things, but he says we never confirmed them, they werent agreeed upon. I was just, in shock. I couldnt stay one more second. I told him I was just too frustrated and wanted to leave right then. He seemed very concerned about my feelings- about how this would effect him - or us. He followed me out...apologizing again. and I- in my moment ot anger and shock, said something that should have been brought up another time...but I couldnt help it. Out it came, and I said, in so many words- we need to figure out what we are doing, or stop doing it. he insisted I text him when I got home. I couldnt. but then started feeling really crappy. I texted to say I didnt hate him, clearly it was all a misunderstanding. (though...who says what he said and then just says it was just saying it......what the hell is the point of saying it) and the way I left it was we could talk another time. ( I wasn't ready)

He hasn't texted and I havent either. And Im starting to think, maybe I shouldnt. Ive gone over if I should tell him (yet again) that I like him, but I don't think its a good idea. I don't want to pressure him, I dont want to give altimatums, I dont want a title. I dont want any of these things either.

My other dilemma is ----I think I might be the emotionally unavailable one. I find it difficult to compliment him when I really want to, to say what I really want. fear of getting hurt, him having more power, idk. Either way. I think back over how things went over the last several months, and I can see that it was only when I became more emotionally open that he changed. - anyway.

I can't get my mind off him. Im in awe of him. Im beyond attracted to not only him, but his personality. when he smiles, I feel like my insides smile. He cracks me up. I miss him when Im not around him. If we haven't talked in a day or two I find myself wondering about him, how hes been, how things are for him. BUT, the idea of a relationship is SCARY. So then I wonder...what the heck do I feel for this guy? I seem to want to be with him....without actually being with him. uh.
polkio polkio
26-30, F
4 Responses Jan 14, 2013

I feel you. I'm in a very similar situation. It has been going on for 2 years. We start out just sex and I try to be on his level (which I CAN as my sex drive is raging like a man's) but I can only sustain that mindset for one month before I start to feel love. It's embarrassing and crushing.

Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece about your FWB. I say just enjoy the non-committed, yet loving nature of your relationship. Committed, monogamous relationship ARE scary! That's okay. Just enjoy the chemistry that you two do have without the pressure of titles. An unconventional relationship is fine. What matters is that there is love, pleasure, and enjoyment from all parties.

Well i have never had that problem. But I do know what FWB means.
And never had a relationship like that. and never will. But back to fwb
in a way they can be fun if you get along with him or her. Her in my case.
Friends With Benefits is not the way to go if you want a long term relationship.

i feel sorry for you when you get to your blue hair days because based on what ever Fwb means really says alot about you in him and thats about it with a grandfinally 8 second eruption...wow ? If i was sex depribed or addicted but in love, id stay home and buy a toy...less guilt to who ever you are with