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Pushed Over The Edge And Tired Of Being The Parent In The Relationship

I married my husband, almost 2 years ago knowing it was probably the wrong fit, but again.. like so many people, we think marriage isn't supposed to be easy, it takes work. After we were married, I found out my husband had back child support that he owed and that any tax return I would get back, would be taken to pay for his carelessness. I also found out that apparently having a good credit record wasn't that big of a deal for my husband since he doesn't like to pay bills (student loans, apartment leases being broken, etc). I've essentially taken on the responsibility of being the parent, paying the bills, planning vacations, initiating everything if I want it to get done. When I bring up my unhappiness, all of a sudden my husband wants to start helping around the house, paying a bill or two or over compensating with, "let me run you a bath" or "would you like a glass of wine" or "what can I do for you today".
My dilema is figuring out if i can get past the money issues and non disclosure of his financial situation. Am I committed to making this work in the long run? I have no intimacy with him b/c I am just resentful.
lostsoulagain lostsoulagain 36-40 1 Response Feb 24, 2011

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Oh man, money can be a deal breaker. Sounds like there's a lot of repairing to be done on his part financially. Are you willing to continue helping him get his **** together? That seems like the most important question. It was rotten of him not tell you all of this up front, before you married. But things are what they are. You could always keep your finances separate. File taxes separately. Just because you're married doesn't mean everything has to be shared. Marriage just gives you that option. Think of it this way - if you take care of everything, should things go bad between you two, you're the one who ends up better off. It's a pretty selfish way of looking at things, but practical. Personally, I like taking care of everything. No surprises when you know what's going on. <br />
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About marriage being easy... Ha. Totally agree with you there. I thought the same thing going in. There will be tough times, and you're both supposed to stick it out. But going into a marriage without knowing about those tough financial times to begin with? Totally not fair. Those tough times are supposed to be shared, not brought in by one person as a surprise. So, again, are you willing to help him out? Once he gets all his money worries under control, life will more than likely be much better. But until then, not much may change. Can you wait that long?