I'm not married yet. But it feels like I am. We have been together 5 and a half years, since I was 18. So all of my adult life. We have a 2 year old son. We don't often have sex, the thought of it makes me tired. I love him, but I'm not attracked to him anymore. And to be honest, I'm not real comfortable with my body since I had my baby. I'm not obese or anything, things just aren't as pretty as they used to be. We have been "engaged" for a couple years now. But recently we came to the conclusion that maybe we don't want to get married anymore. I think I have alot of resentment toward him for not marrying me before he knocked me up. And I'm angry that he can't properly take care of his family. I know that sounds a bit sexist and selfish, but I have come to find the common roles of men and women are that way for a reason. It just works.....Yet we still continue to plan our lives together. We talk about buying a house and getting life insurance, starting a retirement fund. I guess we just don't want our son growing up in a broken home. Just the thought of being a used up, haggard single mother scares me to death. But I often fantasize about being single. To feel passion again, to be treated like a treasure, that new excited feeling. But I can never act on these desires, at least not until my son is grown. I often wonder what my life would be like if I left my boyfriend before we got pregnant. Maybe I would have found someone who loved me more, who I loved more. And I hate to admit this, but I wish I would have held out for someone with more money and/or education. Money was never something that was important to me when I was younger. Now that I have a child, I see the importance. I don't want my son to grow up poor like I did. In any case, I'm stuck where I am now. Hopefully our relationship will turn around, after we are more financially stable.
AmarnaSun AmarnaSun
22-25, F
2 Responses May 24, 2012

Ms AmarnaSun,<br />
I totally agree with Ms Yasline1's advice. You need to be brave, strong and confident in yourself and leave your "trapped" situation behind. This is not the way to live your life on a day to day basis. You are young and still have an opportunity to live a life with someone who love and cherish you and your son as a family. Enough is enough. Go for it!

My mom married my father when she was only 18 and she has never loved him. She always wanted to leave but she felt just like you TRAPPED!!! Now they have been married for 27 years with 6 kids total and still she has never loved him. All of her good years have been wasted. Why am I telling you this? Because you are still young with only one child and you can get out of that situation. Don't waste your good, young years on someone you are not in love with. You can't consider his feelings in this because if you do you are going to find yourself there 27 years later with 6 kids. I watched my mother become more and more miserable every year trying to force herself to love someone. Don't let that be let become your life. If you are not happy it will show later in your life and then your son will see that and it will affect him. Get yourself together financially to take care of you and your baby and don't wait on your fiance/boyfriend/baby daddy. Life goes on and you need to live it. People split all the time and your son would probably have a happier life with guys not being together than he would if you guys stay together trying to make something work that isn't meant to be. Good luck.