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Fell Out of Love

Hi,   Sorry this is so long but i have to vent it out!!!

I am not one to post stories about my personal life on the internet...but I am really at a loss. My husband and I just got married about a year and a half ago but we have been together for seven years to date. We have no children, and we bought our first home almost one year ago. I think my problems first started a month before our wedding. Thoughts kept coming into my mind saying "you know your not going to be with him forever, why are you marrying him?" I new it was wrong, but I convinced myself I was just having cold feet and that it will all be fine as time goes on...after all he is a great guy. That and I couldnt stop the wedding now, everything is all paid for and our families came from everywhere to be here...anyways I went ahead with the wedding, and dont get me wrong I was happy...he is a great guy who i do love. Its just our love has been different..not so much in love, but love like i would a brother or cousin. At the time of our wedding, his younger brother (21) was living with us...and left us with no privacy at all. He was always around, and I would go to bed alone while my husband would stay up with his brother. We never really had alone time until we bought this home. Which as soon as it finally was just him and I, I realized I cant do this anymore. Before this if felt liek I was living with my best friends..the reality of the marrige set in. I felt trapped and was wondering what have I done?! I wasnt 100% sure what was wrong with me so I never said anything to anyone. Him and my family noticed something was wrong with me but I didnt want to talk about it. I just avoided him at all costs...I would go to the park or the gym after work and then go to bed. This wasnt right of me I know, but I was trying to figure out what my feelings were. Finally I opened up to him. I told him that my love for him had changed and I wasnt sure what to do. He was very upset that first night. We tried marrige counseling, that did not work. I want us to remiain friends if nothing else and the counseling just made me upset with him. Then we decided to do a trail seperation of our own. We would still live together, but lead seperate lives. And let me tell you I love it. And I feel guilty as heck about it. I go out with my friends, I'm going back to school..I feel like I'm me again and am getting the life that I want back. I do feel guilty that I have been talking to a male friend...and I must confess I have developed feelings for him..but at the same time I cant stop talking to him. He knows that my husband and I have been "seperated" for 5 months now, but him and I both still have respect that technically I am still married. Finally my husband and I talked about getting a divorce, and remaining good friends. But now here I am with the paperwork to fill out and I find myself numb inside. Its what I want but I cant bring myself to do it. I know im still young...26...but I find myself questioning if i will ever meet another nice guy who will be there for me the way he is?? I love him and I dont want to hurt him....but I dont think I have the strength to do this to him......he loves me so much   :( 

britney123 britney123 26-30 3 Responses Jan 20, 2009

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hi britney, i think we both have the same problem, let me share this to you.. my husband and i had been boyfriend and girlfriend for 7 years before we got married. even before i already have this feeling that i dont love him anymore because i started to get bored and even having crush with someone else.. but just like your husband he is really a heaven sent to me.. he loves me truly, unconditionally and always trying his best to give me what i want and what i need.. i started having a relationship with other men but still i dont give up on him because at first i dont want him to get hurt and on my side i'm very dependent to him and i dont want to loose him even just as friends.. i talked to him so many times with regards to my feelings hoping that he will understand me and i want to hear from him that he is setting me free, but he keeps on ignoring me and thinking that this is only one obstacles in our relationship that needs to be resolve. i even planned to work abroad so that he would think that we seperated are ways because of the long distance relationship but when i ask him about it he beg for me not to continue my plans he even cried to me and because of that i didnt continue my plans because of my pitty to him. and for the record he respect me a lot to the extent that for 7 years i was able to keep my virginity, we do only an oral sex because i think he needs it as a man. so when we reach the point of planning to get married of course i became excited because here in our country its very rare to a woman experiencing a church wedding. i decided to marry him thinking how it feels of getting married and not thinking how it feels of being married.. 2 months before we get married i gave him my virginity at the age of 27 because i want to do whatever i need to do to bring back what we'ved started and i'm willing to sacrifice myself and my own happiness. i just think that he is deserving more than any man in the world even if im not happy and not in love with him anymore.. until the last minute he woke up and see me crying because i confess to him that im afraid of getting married and told him that i will only marry him beacuse i pitty him.. but still, no reaction he still wants to continue the wedding.. we are now ging to our 2years of being married and now that i am 7 months pregnant, during pregnancy it came to a point that i dont want to make sex with him and it reach to a point that i am now pitty with myself. no one but me is incharge of my happiness and no one knows and can understand my true feelings.. i hust hope that i find peace and contentment in my life.. i'm wishing him that he finds happiness with somebody who is more deserving and will love him truly.

Im an old woman now, but it wasnt always so. Once I had a heart and head full of fairy tales and dreams. Life wasnt especially good to me tho it carved me into who I am! When a subject comes up most times I can say "been there, done that" Ive been married 3 times divorced once and widowed once I had 3 children and adopted some more There's been good times and hard times, fat and lean times, times of great joy and times of devastating heartbreak. I worked in an Intensive Care Nursery at a big hospital for nigh onto 20 years I worked on a lonely sheep ranch and I worked in the Police dept of a fairly large city. I dont need to tell you my life story or go into great detail I just want you to know I have knowledge behind my opinions, but opinions they are, and everyone has to live their own life the way they see fit.





Dont give up yet It wont be the way you think Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz "there's no place like home!! Sometimes what we want and need is right in front of us. Sometimes we just need to brush off the dust and remember why we first loved this person. You guys have already been through the hard stuff



Pretend your husband is a new friend you just met. Cultivate that friendship. Find out about him let him know about you!!



Find a new activity or hobby that you both can enjoy It might be hard but there is something out there that you both can have an interest in



Remember the things that attracted you to him in the first place



i have so much to say to you, but I dont want to sound preachy or patronizing



Take care of yourself it's not up to anyone else to make you happy, or mad or anything Lead your own life but include him in it and take some comfort from this song of Bette Midler

"The Rose"



Some say love, it is a river

that drowns the tender reed.

Some say love, it is a razor

that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love, it is a hunger,

an endless aching need.

I say love, it is a flower,

and you its only seed.



It's the heart afraid of breaking

that never learns to dance.

It's the dream afraid of waking

that never takes the chance.

It's the one who won't be taken,

who cannot seem to give,

and the soul afraid of dyin'

that never learns to live.



When the night has been too lonely

and the road has been to long,

and you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong,

just remember in the winter

far beneath the bitter snows

lies the seed that with the sun's love

in the spring becomes the rose.

I understand completely. I am in a very similar situation and it's killing me inside to know I might hurt him like that because my husband is a terrific person. But is it fair to him to stay when I don't love him and someone else out there could be for him everything he wants and needs and who would love him so completely? It's hard and no one ever expects or wants to go through things like this but life happens.

One thing I know....I can't stay simply because I don't want to hurt him. It's not right or fair for either of us. And even though everything is a mass of confusion, I realize there is a tiny voice inside my heart that I need to listen to. Otherwise I will never been happy