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I Think I Married Him Too Soon...

I think I married my husband too soon...my husband and I met about 4 years ago and dated long distance (opposite sides of the country) before we got engaged. Our entire dating, engagement and a year of our marriage was spent long distance due to our jobs of being in the military. We talked on the phone every day during our times apart and finally moved in together last year. So instead of being married for almost 3 years we've really only been married for just over a year and a half upon living with each other. When I met him, I knew that he would treat me better than anyone EVER has, love me more than anyone EVER has and be a wonderful husband to me. That fact still remains true to this day!

BUT, we have come out of the honeymoon phase and my feelings have changed. I think at this point I'm realizing all the differences between us and the things that really make me tick, annoy me and frustrate me. We are both absolute polar opposite people in about every single way. It seems as though we are just friends co-habitating. We don't do alot of things together because he's happiest at home with the dog, watching or blogging about sports and playing video games and I'm happiest being out and about doing whatever. As a result, I am not attracted to him anymore which is obviously posing to be quite the problem.

I have communicated my thoughts and confusions with him and he's of course terrified that I'm going to give up. I haven't..yet..but I'm very confused of my feelings for him. I have made an appointment with a counselor for some help too.

I wonder if I was ever "in love" with him in the first place...or if I even know what love is exactly.

 

 

babyblu babyblu 26-30, F 9 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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hello..we kinda both have a similar story but i think you should give each other a chance on how to make up your differences.I think its not that serious compared to other couples where issues fall to infidelity,alcoholisn,sadism etc..try to look the better side of him instead of your differences..what matters most is that you still love and respect each other.I,for myself is having a hard time because our difference is that im contented with him while he was not contented with..he even had an extra marital affair even if we already have 2 kids.something that i wont expect from him..now im loosing my feelings for him but what push me to stay is the sadness that it would cause to my children if i would deprive them a complete family...cheer up babyblu!you and him still have lots of time to adjust to each others differences.i think its better to have a husband like him who prefer to stay home rather than a guy who doesnt want to stay home instead want to party all night.those kinda guy is more vulnerable to commit infidelity in the future...you can solve your problem,dont worry :)

Hi babyblu,<br />
I am not married yet and I think your experience can happen to anyone, including me. I think many girls like to be loved and feel like they are the most important person in the world for a guy. So that's maybe when we just decide we will be happy with him, because he treats us like a princess. <br />
But then I realised, once that guy is tired of spoiling us, doesnt it mean it leaves us with no feelings towards him anymore?<br />
So maybe, love is when you really like the guy's personality, when you like what he does, even when he does not do it to you. So it is like an unconditional love, you just can't help liking him whatever happens.<br />
But I also doubt if I ever meet a guy like that, because it is difficult to get to know everything in one person. You must be friends to know that person, and it might take years. But if that friendship turn into love, I think that will be the amazing endless love.

Hi counting cats,<br />
<br />
Your situtaion is all too familiar to me. I told my ex that i was depressed (because i was) over a year before we broke up. I think the reason why it took me over a year to break it off was because i was so confused. The questions that ran through my head was, am i not in love with him because i am depressed or am i depressed because i am not in love with him anymore. <br />
<br />
There is no magic formula to your problem as there wasn't for me. For months i was scared about breaking it off, i just couldn't do it. I didn't know when or how. <br />
<br />
But one day out of the blue, i just woke up went to work and thought today is the day and then i chickened out. But 30 minutes after a chickened out, something inside me bursted open and the words just came out of my mouth and i cried and cried and just said exactly what i was feeling. <br />
<br />
It still hurts, it's still confusing, but i am alive and i am no longer living a lie. <br />
<br />
Thinking of you x

I am also a dual mil spouse who had a courtship that was like vacation...one weekend here and couple of days there; it was easy for him to hide less desirable qualities (and for me to do the same). We almost never fight or disagree and I believe he loves me deeply, maybe more than anyone else ever will, but I am no longer in love with him. I have tried for the last year to submit myself to this relationship and take responsibility for the commitment that I made to him, but I only become more resentful. I have sex simply so I do not have to talk about why I don't want to have sex. I hate coming home because being with him requires a stressful act where I pretend that nothing is wrong. I know he has an inkling....I told him I was depressed last year....he is presently deployed and I am the happiest I have been in the 3 yrs we've been together. I have decided that I want to part ways when he returns, but I have no idea how to begin the conversation. I hate to wound him as deeply as I believe I will, but I cannot continue on like this. How did you do it???

Babyblu, my Husband and I just separated. He sounds exactly the way you described your ex. Put simply, a trillion dollars. But i loved him more like a brest friend than a lover and it was killing me. Walking away (it's been a couple of weeks) has killed me even more. It may be fear, i don't know. I am afraid that i have not made the right decision. That i will wake up one day and regret it. <br />
<br />
Like you, our relationship was long distance for many years, we married a few months after he moved permenantly to my country and lived together for 1.5 years. That's when the doubt kicked in, as soon as he arrived in the country.

I'm in Chicago...we ended up getting divorced. Sigh. :/ ... I think it was for the best.

Where are you at babyblu? I am in the EXACT, exact same position.

Babyblu, I know what you're going through. I too think I married my husband too soon. He started neglecting me mentally and physically and after going in cirlces for what seemed like forever trying to change things, I eventually fell out of love with him. I also wonder if I was ever actually in love with him, or just young and stupid...<br />
<br />
Sigh... I feel for you though. :(

Somebody please respond...I'm anxious for some kind of comment whatever it may be.