'Eventful' Day

My 20th birthday is later this week. I feel the same way I usually do regarding the day. A little bit 'meh', if you will. I'm not one of those people who has a big celebration with a large group of people or anything because thesedays I feel like I hardly know many people... and those I do know, don't know me. Well we're 'friends', but it's not real.

Growing up I always felt a little embarrassed about not getting any many presents as my friends either. I've sort of thought of my upbringing as a bit 'poor' or at least a little less than average fiance-wise. Though my mum has always spoilt my sister and I to a degree, on our birthdays, we would only really get a few things. I would hate telling my friends at school what I had been given because they would always say, "and what else did you get?" Sometimes I'd pretend to forget all the things I had recieved.

Anyway, this might sound bitter, but I do think that birthdays are a little overrated. I hate when people think they deserve special treatment just because their mother pushed them out of her vag years ago today. I know; I sound jealous of people who have a huge fuss made of them. And I guess I am. Now that I'm older I honestly don't care as much though.

I'm kind of not expecting much this year because my (now single) mum isn't exactly rich and has had to pay a lot of bills, and help my sister out with paying for her braces/(future)extractions. She hasn't at any time asked me what I want, or mentioned getting me anything. My sister probably won't get me much either, as she's strained with money too from her braces and schooling. My dad has apparently got me something, but I'm willing to bet it's one little thing. It's better than nothing though. And this is making me sound like a brat.

I guess I should be writing about how I often feel 'alone' on my birthday. Well at least it starts as any other holiday with my mum giving me a big hug and kiss. It's pretty much forgotten as the day goes on, and nothing much happens.

I've grown to associate it with bad things happening too. One year, when I was a lot younger, my sister suffered stomach pains throughot the day. In the end she had to go to the hospital. That was a pretty sh!t year anyway because shortly after, my uncle died.

I feel a bit sorry for myself right now too because I'm coming down with something and was hoping that at least maybe my mum, sister and I could go out to dinner but maybe not, if I don't feel better in a few days. =/

Another thing I'm not looking forward to is completely leaving my teen years behind. I know a lot more will be expected of me suddenly, and it frightens me somewhat because I still feel like a child in many ways.

I said (half-jokingly) to one of my not-very-good-but-all-right friends on msn that I was going to be old soon, and completely misunderstanding what that meant coming from me, he said not to worry because no matter how old I was, I would still be beautiful. It might sound stupid to say, but I got pissed off at that (though I let the subject drop and didn't voice my real thoughts). Yeah, I'm a young girl so all I apparently worry about is my 'beauty.' I guess it's an overreaction on my part but still...

At least my sister will be home from uni for a few days, including my birthday itself. I guess it could be all right. I think I'm just way too cynical for my age.

FateCantDecide FateCantDecide
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 25, 2009

I am sort of a drama queen when it comes to my birthday and I do not know why. It’s probably because I think of it as the day I entered the world. It should be celebrated or remembered quietly. I personally just want the people I love to acknowledge my life really is all. You only have one true birthday It’s the only one you will ever have....It has actually ended friendships when someone blows me off because I think it disrespectful. That’s just me taking things too personally. Anyways, you should be glad that you are alive, practice being grateful for the little things like hot showers, fresh air, a good night’s sleep. Its only when these things are taken away from us that we live in fear or regret.<br />
Figure out what the day means to you personally, and you don’t have to be cynical. That will allow you to enjoy in the future.