Downward Sprial

 My mom died the summer before my Freshman year of high school. For the first year and a half after she died i pretended I was fine and hid my emotions. Finally, during my Junior Year I snapped. I began to cut, drink until I was obliterate, and shut everyone out. I decided I needed help, and set up an appointment with a therapist. I told her all about myself and how I suffered the past 3 years. I left out the part about the cutting because I wasn't ready to talk about that just yet. She put me on Zoloft. I guess i had the wrong idea about the meds because I thought they would instantly fix everything but that didn't happened. I continued to cut, and cry, and drink. I began cutting more and more. I would do it numerous times a day, from my bed room to the bathroom at school. I would uses sissors, a razor or even a sharp paper clip, anything to see blood. Finally I realized I could not go on like this and told my therapist. She then thought it was the Zoloft and the Adderall interacting poorly. To tell the truth at first she was right. As soon as I was taken off the Adderall I began to feel better. But this only lasted a few weeks before I started cutting again. Most of my friends know, and my family as well, but its hard to explain it to them, and i hate bothering them over and over because its always the same thing. They always tell me they are here for me, and I can talk to them whenever I have the urge to cut, but I never know i have the urge, it just happens. I feel bad trying to talk to them too because i feel like i am saying the same thing over and over again and even though they try to help, nothing does. I am sick of the scars on my arms and legs. i am sick of faking happy. what can i do?!

summergirl77 summergirl77
18-21, F
Sep 6, 2009