Compulsion

 The last couple of months or last 3 or 4 years. I've been going through a lot of apathy and its hard to get out of it. I know people go through this once in there lifetime, and eventually get through it, but its been on going for me, and it hasn't really gone away for me.

I don't care about having a normal life anymore, and anything that has to do with jobs, looking into a career, college, or looking for anything positive in my life. Its like I have no life inside of me anymore and theres just this hollow and empty feeling inside me..and i don't even have any emotion behind it. Its just plain and simple apathy. I simple don't have the slightest motivation to go towards goals as well...actually, the more i think about it...I dont have any goals to go after. I have some but I gave up on them because i don't have any hope what so ever.

The only thing i want to do is go out into the wilderness and just go. Never look back and just go. Live in a Cabin somewhere out there and just be, and live that kind of freedom. Maybe have a job to fend for myself, but no more then that. Also having a truck so I can ride into Town anytime i want. I just want to be left alone for once and just dissapear so nobody can find me out there.

Live in complete solitude...

I know some people think anyone can go nuts living by themselves out in the woods, but I wouldn't mind it at all. I just want to be left alone so nobody can bother me.

But long story short. I just sort of gave up everything...and of course i still want to live, but i just want to go far away.

Heres a song.