Im Going To Die

Very soon... Dead by 30 was the writing on the wall...

I know she'll be gone too... yet I want to be by her side for every minute of this life I have left. No one in my family knows its happening. They think Imjust an *******, that Im lazy, unmotivated, walking piece of trash.

In a way theyre right. I keep everything inside... because I know my family has problems like every other family. But Im not about to burden them with this. I guess Im selfish. I guess I should tell them. But I wont. I dont want help... thats where the selfishness comes into play.

Everyday I just want to make it come faster. End it now. Before it gets really bad. End it now while they think I am this monster they already think I am. Which Im not. Ive given so much of myself to everyone in my life,. Unfortunately it left no room for my family. I have nothing left to give. I wish it wasnt so... but I cant take it back. No point in starting now... Its already done. I cant change the past... as much as I wish I could I know that simply isnt possible. But now I cant change the future either.

We know its coming. UNfortunately we both have to pay. This is our curse. This is our burden to carry, no one elses.

So.. Im just going to die.
x0reaper0x x0reaper0x
26-30, M
Jul 16, 2010