I Used To Have A Friend... Now She Is Far Away.

Well, not that far... But she is busy with her life and her boyfriend. She has been my only true and best friend for over a decade. 
I am married now, and more lonely than ever. My husband is always at work, and I am alone. But not just alone physically , but alone mentally. There are few people I know. I don't get to go out much. Everyday, I search for a reason to go on living.

It used to be that when I thought of suicide, I would always think of my horses, who were my heart and soul and only source of joy and escape from the endless mental torment. Now, we have sold them because I lost my job and could not afford them. I still watch videos of my horses sometimes, and their pictures line my house. But it only makes me more sad to feel the great loss deep in my chest.

I have animals that help with the sadness and feeling of not having a friend. The ferrets make me laugh, and the dogs are loyal and always at my side. But I long for human interaction like the grass longs for rain, or like the flowers long for the sun.

Ok, well, I am getting all sappy and sentimental now.... maybe I am just venting. It is hard to talk to no one. I have friends on Facebook, but we don't really "talk". There is comments on statuses, etc. But, usually everyone just goes on with their lives and forgets that there is a depressed, lonely girl sitting in her house, wishing that she could somehow touch the outside world in a way that would be meaningful and fulfilling. 

Well, those are my two-cents :)
Starlatheimmortal Starlatheimmortal
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

Thank you... I may take you up on that :)<br />
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And, I am here to listen as well. I may not get on here as much as I want to, but whenever you need to type something out, no matter how strange or jumbled you feel, please feel free :)<br />
Sometimes listening to someone else vent is just as therapeutic as venting yourself!<br />
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What is your cat's name?<br />
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Starla