make this short.. kinda

-we were supposed to get married in 3 weeks
-weve been together 3 YEARS (im 20 hes 22) -- and we have a son and possibly another one on the way
-and once again he calls it off because he let his paranoia run his life
-saying i cheated on him and that he deserves better then me
- that i'll get what i deserve by him leaving and giving some other girl the life that i wanted
- that he doesnt need me, im nothing special, im worthless and a ***** and im the one that needs him

hes right.. i am worthless and unworthy to be with him because what ive done in my past
but my past is the past right i didnt even know him yet and yet he always takes it out on me
he knows i need him and he always shoves it in my face that i do nothing
he makes all the money he makes all the decisions and all i do is just wait for him because hes a marine and always away..
what do i do i hate that he keeps calling it off.. ive waited for so long and ive dealt with everything hes done to me
he called our son dirty once.. and he threw drink in my face because he blames me that he cant talk yet (hes only one)..
man i hate my life...
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 13, 2010

no you are not. my ex matt said the same things. you are nothing without me. u are a freak. you are retarted and will never be happy or have anyone love you unless you get help. my friends and family hate you. i dont know what i see in you. you will be a failier all your life!!!!<br />
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stupid guys. lol i put up with that for 2 yrs. and he was right and wrong. i do need to get help. i am mentally crazy lerally but can manage with medication. but it is still there. the words he told me so many times. i fight it every day. **** just the last few days i have been so depressed. but today i am good. i am happy. i want more out of life!!! <br />
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ok. mike my boyfriend. i have broke his heart. he is normally thinking and he has stayed with me after choosin him matt him matt him matt. i broke mikes heart in pieces. and the only reason why u think u are worthless is cause you are in a worthless relationship. mike has never once asked for money. not once. i give him money when i can. i have put off school for this cause he lost his jobb. he would support me! anyways he can. matt on the other hand. even when i was in school full time, cleaning and cooking. i still owed him 500 a month in bills. i told mike that when we were friends and wa slike what. u are trying to get an eduation and ur man aint helpin. he was greedy with money. <br />
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what got me throw brake up with brain and matt is all they said i cant do. my pride. its good but bad. i said f u. i will be a nurse. or i will be loved. i am not a horribe person. i got so use to hearnin it i just thought that was the truth. mike stopped that. he would slap my hand alil when i would say anything bad about myself. he would hug me and say im not stupid or dumb. might be alil lost but i will find the path. and you will also. just keep that pride up! u might have to have to much pride at first. <br />
i was so mad at them for saying im nothing i want to be a nurse just so when they are in the er and see me i can say now who is a sorry *** loser with nothing going for them! thats what motvates me. i use to think it was guys. the men i love but really its me!!!! believe in yourself