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Brain Chemistry.

I live alone, have done since Feb 92. Over the years my interaction with other people has become less and
less.
I have one very good friend, he generally comes over on Wednesday evening when we discuss events of the  previous week and generally set the world to rights.
My friend lives just across the road from me, he is married with teenage twins, he also has a full time job so his spare time is limited.
In the summer when he takes his family on holiday I don't see him from the wednesday before he leaves through the two Wednesdays that they're away and then until the wednesday after their return. This you can see is a whole month. During these times I may not see or speak to another human being. It's a long time to be all on your own.
I do get lonely, I get lonely during the weeks when I know he's just across the road, I get especially lonely on the rare occasions when he drops me of at home after a hospital appointment or a very rare shopping trip and I'm left alone in my flat after being out in the world amongst all those different people. I really like people but I don't suffer fools.
Now here's the thing. My friend works in retail, he deals with people daily, he has a married brother and 'in laws'. he is a very popular person in our village community. What I'm trying to illustrate is that my friend knows people!
We have been close friends for 17 years so I think I can trust him not to bullshit me. He has told me that he doesn't know anyone else like me, he doesn't know anyone who is as well balanced as cheerful or optimistic as I am, he also insists that I'm one of the most intelligent people he knows (yes I know that sounds so arrogant).
My friend finds all of this all the more incredible when he considers the multiple traumas and bereavements that I have faced in my lifetime (many potential stories for EP if this story is well received).
Now what is the point of this story (other than to let Ep members learn a little more about me).I have read many stories about loneliness and depression during my few days on EP. I should add here that the one time that I was seriously clinically depressed I was still working, surrounded by people, many of whom professed to be my friends. I finally emerged from that depression almost at the exact moment that I left that old job with my severance pay tucked in my wallet.
The point is. Some people become very easily depressed, others feel lonely when in crowds.Now there are people who might compare them with me and conclude that they should pull themselves together, snap out of it or make other unhelpful comments.
The thing is, it just doesn't work like that. It's not the number or degree of personal traumas that a person suffers that decree's how depressed they may get. It is entirely personal and specific to the individual our brains are all wired differently, we all have varying degrees of resistance to depression and loneliness and we all deserve the same amount of understanding and support if we fall prey to them.
This is a lesson I have come to understand as I have fought my own demons and watched others fighting theirs. 
 
 
AlmostAristotle AlmostAristotle 61-65, M 21 Responses Feb 9, 2011

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I read this and it made me feel a little better because I am depressed and deal with alot of B.S. good luck to you friend

I agree, loneliness can kill. I am also one that longs to be having 'fun' but feels outside of everyone elses world. I love people, but cannot understand the hurt they do to one another. It actually hurts me to think about it very much. I don't really know why I am so sensitive, so forgiving, always trying to love like God loves us. I have said more than once, it hurts so bad to love like that, or to forgive people after they've hurt you. What's the missing part? Why can't I forgive, without giving a piece of me away in the process...is that really forgiveness? I feel broken, detached from the world. I'm really good to people I come in contact with, and try to smile at passer-bys but i'm wilting inside, longing to be 'seen' really 'seen' for my heart. I guess only God can see us like that. God bless each and every one of you who feel like this. The road of Good is narrow, less traveled, and difficult... but I firmly believe the prize is at the finish line. Keep fighting for the Good.

God with you everday keep your head up

I have been a "loner" for a couple years now. I'm a single parent (in every sense of the word) and have had a hard time dealing with being on my own since my child went away to school. I'm at such a strange point in my life, I'm young but afraid to go out and live my life as an individual.

Clinical depression, as you have said yourself, isn't something people "get over." Whatever its cause, it's debilitating. Many people who suffer from severe depression are highly intelligent and like being around people; it's just that we can also be very sensitive and have a threshold of how much we can take.

every word you write speaks the truth, no one is the same and no one has the same depression or what causes it. and i am so sick of people telling me to getover it or just go out, when the truth is I hate being out amongst the world at time and would rather be alone. I have known my best friend for about 15 years, he is the easy talking to person, a dj, and one of the only people I trust. he knows about my depression and has accepted that I might not want to go out sometimes. there are good, understanding people out there.

very rare indeed but the true ones out there are worth finding and holding on to

I hope you don't mind if I call you Ari. I have read several of your posts and enjoyed your pictures. I love flowers and gardens. I am a gentle soul and have experienced many difficulties in my life as well. I don't let the pain color my world now. I have a choice in how I think, react and live my life. I would like to be your friend if you would like. I think we have a lot in common. I'm pretty much always around so you can chat when you want to.

I just feel so appreciative of a deeper thought, a more heartfelt cogitation ba<x>sed upon more meaningful things. It is possible to suffer chronic agony or grief on the one hand, and deepness of heart and spirit on the other, with joy, love, compassion, with a worshipful heart.<br />
I really don't get along well at all amongst general society. Inwardly I am a nervous wreck. I can only cope if there is at least a hint of acceptance of childlike curiosity, love, openness, or anything that gives me a glimpse of aomeone's real heart.<br />
So, I do appreciate your courage, perseverance, your loneliness--to that I can relate--and the thoughts you are willing to express!

Captivating Post, thank you very much.

I agree, you can feel lonely when you are surrounded by people, it is just how your brain works. there is so much that goes in to making a person work and I know when I was depressed soon after I disclosed I was so angty with my mum. I wouldn't speak to her, and suffered badly from dissociation which continued for months. I physically couldn't speak to her, my brother, or anyone in my family yet my friends I was totally open with. This hurt her and she couldn't understand it. Nor could I and I still can't. <br />
<br />
Great story Ari. Shows loads of insight. <br />
<br />
Della xxx

Loneliness means alot. I used to feel the same way till i moved to a friend. I will recommend movies and also travels that will keep you alive and kicking otherwise loneliness can kill...

true, life is not always a party. at times, people may not understand your ways, or there is financial constraint to get moving around others who spend just to get together, or being homebound by a health condition. surviving cancer for 11 years is still a mystery to me. i was the one who wasn't able to complete treatments due to lack of funds. others who got the whole deal are dead.<br />
<br />
life is still good despite the fact that everyone has to fight the low down feeling at times. so much to be grateful for and one of them is this technology that we can connect in the comfort of our home.<br />
<br />
we are all equal as children of the universe. take care all!

You are right! Depression doesn't depend on the amount of bad things that happened. Sometimes I'm depressed and don't even know why. I often need to be alone but that's my choice. I'm sorry for you that you only have one friend, if I got you right.I have six good friends but can meet them if I like.

i could have more here where i am but...i can't keep up with their lavish lifestyle; and the ones who i shall say my like-others are out of the country for work. anyway, i am content. busy with my writing job, the new home i purchased and the love of my adorable pets. cheers!

Better to have a few "good " friends than a heap of shallow ones.

I have always felt and done the same thing. I finally got up the strength to go to a psychiatrist to see if I have been suffering from Dysthymia... its fairly common. maybe you should look it up too. sometimes it really helps to hear the name of your enemy. best of luck to you.

lonelyness is not always a bad thing. the more time i have to spend with people i really don;t care for the more i learn to enjoy solitude. i cant say what makes you a loner, i just know that some of us just appreciate a smaller number of people, but each of them gets more from us than they ordinarily do from friends. i m not really close to my family because they being there has nothing to do with compatibility, my friends on the other hand are there by choice. i want to be liked , but that often means i have to pretend and that is surely not the way to be happy. whatever way youre brain works, i am sure you can appreciate when someone likes youre flaws better than a fake perfection you display.

I agree with what you have wrote here and the comments in which you have received it is individual and personal the support of others is needed.

Thanks--a good analysis of depression and loneliness. I, too, am a loner, mostly by choice but also by circumstance. I work long hours with a long commute. My job can be stressful. When I come home, I don't really want to do anything but eat, read and sleep, in that order. And I get more set in my ways as I get older. I think our society is designed to make people feel lonely and socially alienated.<br />
<br />
Right now, I am in the process of trying to find a whole new way of life. It is scary and sometimes I wonder if I can do it at all at this point in my life. Change requires more courage than I would have thought.

Thank you very much for your comments. I hope you find peace and contentment in your chosen single status. <br />
Good luck for the future.

It is nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I have always loved your optimism and yes you are one of the most intelligent people I have come in contact with so far in my life. You are a wonderful person and we all have our own demons to face. It is what we learn and take from each challenge in life that makes us who we are. Love you Ari!

Very observant and intelligent summation of both how you feel and some human characteristics.<br />
I myself am a loner by nature. I seldom get lonely and don't feel the need to go out and meet new people.<br />
When I do go out -wheter it be on a photoshoot or just having a beer in a pub- I like to talk with people. Just adding the latter to say I'm not someone who's all introvert and shies away from contact with others.<br />
It's just the nature of the individual. Some get their panties all in a tangle at the slightest mishap, others can be dealt a couple of bad hands in a row and shrug it off like fresh snow from a coat.<br />
depression come in so many different forms and shapes that a lot of people can be depressed for years without ever realising it. That too comes with the individual.<br />
A lot also has to do with society itself. The pressures of every day life, the job, the situation at home, often a combination of the above.<br />
Again, it is up the nature of the individual how those things are processed, the level of relativation, priorities, etc...<br />
In the end, it all boils down to feeling good inside one's own mind. Everybody sees the world through different eyes. To me, it's not so much a question of where do I fit into that world, but how I can best adapt it to make me fit...<br />
Been nice reading your view, AlmostAristotle ;)

Yeah!!! It differs person to person, We all our own kind of depression. Hope your feeling better<br />
<br />
Best Of Luck!!!.