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Same B.s. Different Day. Pt 1

Life for me is emotionally tiring. I'm always stressed out. It could be make up work that I missed from school (cause I'm never in school;crazy absences) or my family life. I'm not close to either of my parents...I push them away espcially when they try to be close to me. I find myself being grossed out when they tell me they love me or try to hug me or something. I push a lot of people away. THEN I turn around and feel lonely as hell..
There are somedays though where I try to be nice and say I love you to my parents. It takes me outta my confort zone...I guess I don't trust them because they always use to fight and argue and made my life a living hell. My dad left our family. He cheated on my mother more than once. The problem with my mom is that she expects and wants to much from me. Both of them demand respext they don't deserve. I've never in my life disrepected them,but it I wanna tell them to shut the hell up sometimes.
I became depressed in middle school when all this went on. I don't like talking w/ my parents about anything...they know nothing about me.
Now I'm in 11th grade and my now found Christ and I'm happy for him in all but I don't trust/love him I guess. My mom aswell. Not to sound like a evil *****, But love is a big thing for me. I can't honesly say I love anyone except my sibilings. But that's not half of the reason I'm depressed/lonely...this is just one story... I apologize if this is all over the place...I just let it out for once.
VividCrazyDreams VividCrazyDreams 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 13, 2011

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Thank you :) It means a lot!

Letting thing out is good for you .i know thing hard some time to unstand but life some time is hard but loving your perents or saying it . your we say it the better we get it and for Lord think we can use more love for other your friend Tom