My Depression.

Ive always felt depress as far i can remember but everyone figure was just quiet kid or shy but i wasnt ive always felt it but till this day i cnt explain why. I mean ive smoke drank even had so many girls half i dnt remember but nothing..i still felt empty an depress. Even now i have family that loves me and a girlfriend for 4yrs now but that feelin still inside me. Two years ago i blank out i cnt remember much but i cut my self wen i came to it i had 16 stiches on my wrist after that i was release from hospital and started seeing doctors taking pills few months after that i tried too kill myself again i was just tired of my life i didnt care and i took 2 months worth of pills..i saw no light or no darkness all i saw was a women very beautiful she just held me in her arms it was peaceful but i didnt feel happy...anyways after that mental hospital for 1 month and being there only taught me to hide my emotions act 'normal' and i did got earlier than suppose. Over the years my family one old friend and fiancé have tried too make me 'normal' i put on a face and act for them but i still feel it you kno..lonely..depress now im just tired idnt kno wat too do anymore im so tired...