How Can I Feel Happy When All I Feel Is Lonely

I am 25 yrs old.I'm a mother of 3 children and my soon to be husband work away from home alot,he's an oil field worker.I am a stay at home mother with no way of getting around on my own and i have to depend on others around me to get anywhere.When i was a child i grew up with an abusive mother that was either working are partying,a father who lived 9 hrs way but who also had a alcohol problem and drug problem.I've only speaked to my father twice in the last two yrs because he is so far gone from all the drugs/alcohol and i've only seen my mother 3 times in the last 11 yrs.I came to live with my father/granparents when i was 12 and started battleing depression when i was 14 and then became addicted to drugs and alcohol my self.It was like a get away for me.My grandfather when i was 13 would tell me that i would never be nothing and that i would grow up and be just like my father nearly everyday and when i was 14 is when i started to believe that.I was addicted to drugs and alcohol from then till i was 16 and found out that i was pregnant with my first child and so i quit doing drugs for me and my baby and have been clean ever sence,but i still fight depression today.I just feel so lonely and unwanted by alot of people.Exspecially family and still today i feel like a failure and am fighting severe depression everyday.When all i wish for is to be happy and i'm just getting to where i don't know how to handle it anymore.I can't sleep at night and all i do is cry most of the time or lay or sit around hoping and praying that things will get better.I take care of stuff when it needs to be done but i still wish i didn't feel this lonely.
brittany1222 brittany1222
1 Response May 6, 2012

I also forgot to mention that i've been in this relationship going on 10 yrs.I'm getting married on nov.17.2012 and i recently lost my soon to be mother and father inlaw in the last 3 yrs exactly 1yr apart.Who i truely miss everyday sence there passings.My mother in law died from having bipastic surgery from a doctor who nicked her main artery and my father inlaw died from a head on collision car accident from a man that was speeding and had thc in his system and my grandmother also within those same yrs has been faceing a serious heart conditon and of course many more family problems and witch some i don't feel comfortable discussing at the moment.