Lonely Girl In A Big World

Hi i just joined ep. would like to share my story. i now realize i am not alone and thousands of othe rpeople feel like me on a daily basis, but in today's society it's easy to get caught up in all the hype and forget who you really are. i've never been comfortable with myself. I've always felt like I don't belong no matter what I do. even with my bf I always feel like i am not worthy or good enough to be in his company. I smile on the outside and look like a regular 20 yr old with nothing to lose but on the inside each day i'm dying inside. I find it hard to trust people. it's been 2 years since i have really been out with a friend and had a night out. i'd rather stay in and when i get asked out i feel extreme, overwhelming anxiety. i think my lack of confidence in myself affects every relationship i have; even the relationship i have with myself is unhealthy. i always wonder what people see when they look at me. do i look broken on the outside, a reflection of the inside or do i just blend in with the crowd and fade away. anyone else feels this way?
bonfireofsparkles bonfireofsparkles
18-21, F
3 Responses May 14, 2012

I feel you. Honestly i dont know how i make it through everyday of school, sometimes i cry in classes, just because of depression, i just want to go, i feel awful. I haven't ate in days, or slept really. I don't know how i hold on, like you said i smile on the outside but inside im tearing up, and nobody understands i don't tell. I deal with this everyday, but please try and get out and do something it might fix the mood it does for me no matter how hard it is try if you want. Need someone to talk to im here

See not everyone is hangout type. So, you are like that. Your problem is you feel low about you and you think not hanging out is one of the low qualities.

To me, you are a beautiful and strong person. Congratulations on discovering EP and writing your story. In doing this, you are reaching out, and on EP there is an entire community of people who share similar stories and who will love you for who you are. You showed confidence just by writing about yourself, and that is a great first step! Congratulations! Keep writing!