Just So Long And Difficult, Impossible

I am new to this site. I am in my mid 30s, woman, single, and just could not be more miserable if I wanted. I am highly intellectual, uniquely creative, indescribably irreverent, gifted musician and singer, and extraordinarily unhappy.
I exist in a loveless, sexless environment. I am incredibly sensitive in a family of icebergs. I was often mistreated because I am so sensitive. I have been subjected to emotional and physical abuse. This was after I was molested. One would think that I would be showered with MORE love, not less love. Had I been a male, I would be the most successful of the family. The stress of misogyny and the consequences have proven to be too much. I have anxiety issues, and now physical ailments as well. I have only had a few serious relationships with a few guys. I long for kindness, love, respect, and emotional/physical intimacy. All that ever touches me are awful doctors. I have not kissed or touched a man in over 20 years. My beautiful dog is no longer here with me. She had a terrible disease and we made the decision to euthanize her. I have attended several colleges/universities. I have not graduated yet. I exist with my parents and sister. I have no income, no disability. I have no lifestyle. I am just so very sad. I have studied classical piano and voice. I always dreamed that I would make my recording. I do not dream positive dreams. I am very very sad.
I just want what everybody seems to take for granted. I no longer hope for my stellar career in music/animal welfare law/business. I just want love, kindness, respect, and maybe a little great sex with a man I love, or at least, tolerate.
AllForMont AllForMont
3 Responses Jun 25, 2012

I am depressed just as you, but I will never compare my state with yours. I do have a job, but due to my antisocial personality, I find it hard to make friends and have people notice me. I am 29 and single and lack the ability to make intimate relationships. I wish I was there to help you, but obviously I am not. If I was, I'd do my best to be your friend to help you. Just know that there are people out there who care. I know you might think that most people don't, but there are a few that do, like me and the posters above. You said you want love, kindness, respect; you have it from us for sure.

Get the book "Celestine Prophesy"<br />
you will find a way to see the world from a different perspective.

So sorry to hear that you are depressed. You pointed out so many negative things in your life. Can you highlight some more positive things? I picked up your realization about your talents! Expanding on those will help you..I've been through everything you mention. For a long time, I just forgot about my needs and cravings and worked on my talents and creativities <br />
These gifts when worked on can make you realize your worth and hence, other people will too. Think about the things you do have!<br />
Can your fingers fly up and down the keyboard making beautiful sounds?