Just So Long And Difficult, ImpossibleI am new to this site. I am in my mid 30s, woman, single, and just could not be more miserable if I wanted. I am highly intellectual, uniquely creative, indescribably irreverent, gifted musician and singer, and extraordinarily unhappy.
I exist in a loveless, sexless environment. I am incredibly sensitive in a family of icebergs. I was often mistreated because I am so sensitive. I have been subjected to emotional and physical abuse. This was after I was molested. One would think that I would be showered with MORE love, not less love. Had I been a male, I would be the most successful of the family. The stress of misogyny and the consequences have proven to be too much. I have anxiety issues, and now physical ailments as well. I have only had a few serious relationships with a few guys. I long for kindness, love, respect, and emotional/physical intimacy. All that ever touches me are awful doctors. I have not kissed or touched a man in over 20 years. My beautiful dog is no longer here with me. She had a terrible disease and we made the decision to euthanize her. I have attended several colleges/universities. I have not graduated yet. I exist with my parents and sister. I have no income, no disability. I have no lifestyle. I am just so very sad. I have studied classical piano and voice. I always dreamed that I would make my recording. I do not dream positive dreams. I am very very sad.
I just want what everybody seems to take for granted. I no longer hope for my stellar career in music/animal welfare law/business. I just want love, kindness, respect, and maybe a little great sex with a man I love, or at least, tolerate.