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Just So Long And Difficult, Impossible

I am new to this site. I am in my mid 30s, woman, single, and just could not be more miserable if I wanted. I am highly intellectual, uniquely creative, indescribably irreverent, gifted musician and singer, and extraordinarily unhappy.
I exist in a loveless, sexless environment. I am incredibly sensitive in a family of icebergs. I was often mistreated because I am so sensitive. I have been subjected to emotional and physical abuse. This was after I was molested. One would think that I would be showered with MORE love, not less love. Had I been a male, I would be the most successful of the family. The stress of misogyny and the consequences have proven to be too much. I have anxiety issues, and now physical ailments as well. I have only had a few serious relationships with a few guys. I long for kindness, love, respect, and emotional/physical intimacy. All that ever touches me are awful doctors. I have not kissed or touched a man in over 20 years. My beautiful dog is no longer here with me. She had a terrible disease and we made the decision to euthanize her. I have attended several colleges/universities. I have not graduated yet. I exist with my parents and sister. I have no income, no disability. I have no lifestyle. I am just so very sad. I have studied classical piano and voice. I always dreamed that I would make my recording. I do not dream positive dreams. I am very very sad.
I just want what everybody seems to take for granted. I no longer hope for my stellar career in music/animal welfare law/business. I just want love, kindness, respect, and maybe a little great sex with a man I love, or at least, tolerate.
AllForMont AllForMont 36-40 3 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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I am depressed just as you, but I will never compare my state with yours. I do have a job, but due to my antisocial personality, I find it hard to make friends and have people notice me. I am 29 and single and lack the ability to make intimate relationships. I wish I was there to help you, but obviously I am not. If I was, I'd do my best to be your friend to help you. Just know that there are people out there who care. I know you might think that most people don't, but there are a few that do, like me and the posters above. You said you want love, kindness, respect; you have it from us for sure.

Get the book "Celestine Prophesy"

you will find a way to see the world from a different perspective.

So sorry to hear that you are depressed. You pointed out so many negative things in your life. Can you highlight some more positive things? I picked up your realization about your talents! Expanding on those will help you..I've been through everything you mention. For a long time, I just forgot about my needs and cravings and worked on my talents and creativities

These gifts when worked on can make you realize your worth and hence, other people will too. Think about the things you do have!

Can your fingers fly up and down the keyboard making beautiful sounds?