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The Drugs Dont Work They Just Make Things Worst......

I take a bunch of different drugs for deppression and anxiety and also am a farely heavy pain killer user. There was a time when i felt like they were a life saver and that they made my life so much better. I was feeling better from depression and my anxiety was managable. The pain killers i started taking after my wisdom teeth got removed when i was 17 later led to a heroin addiction for three years that resulted in the death of my girlfriend. I feel like they just dont do anything anymore. The depression meddication is still somewhat working but i just can imagine ever stoping it. I dont wanna have to take it the rest of my life. It is a scary thought that i might never stop it. My anxiety when i dont take my meds is ten times worse than it was originaly when i started them.

You cover problems to hid them and get relief from them but they are never truley gone. I am writing this today cause im having a terrible day. I feel like i have a hole in my life something is missing. I cover my problems up for so many years the thought of facing them seems so scary. You see the drugs dont work, cause even when they do they don't make you better they just make u dependant. Your not free and able to live by yourself you need a man made substance to help get you threw the day.

When my girlfriend and i were battling heroin addiction at 18 we often talked about the super rush and feeling we got from the drug. I swear even now i miss it the rush from the iv is so intense and so great that its at first pure bliss. As our addiction started to get deeper, we often talked about though the drug gives you an amazing feeling we still feel empty still lost, still living with a hole in our lives. It's to bad that she never beat heroin. I tried to get her clean with me but it was a struggle for me to do never mind help others. It's true how happiness is not something you can find in emptiness, and drugs in all forms are empty. I realize that but i feel like i can never fully walk away from them.

Though i always saw heroin as a hard drug i never till recently started viewing antidepressants and anxiety meds as something that was concerning. I took them to feel beter under doctors orders and took only what was given to me. That empty whole i felt when i used heroin is still here and though my depression is masked its never quite gone same with my anxiety, and w/o the meds its worse.

#TheDrugsDontWorkTheyJustMakeYouWorse! : (
Synapsethroughspace Synapsethroughspace 22-25, M 5 Responses Jun 26, 2012

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I took abilify, and I felt stable then I took abilify and paxil together and I started isolating myself from the inpatient program I was in it got so bad that I had to be taken to the the hospital. I still don't know what the right medication is for me. It is hard having bad anxiety and depression and not knowing what medication to take!

Yeah it is tricky. Maybe the older Triclyic antideprssants. Not the ssri\'s? Ever try those like Amitryptiline or nortryptiline? Worked well for me.

If I go off Klonopin I go off the wall. Same with Zoloft but with that, I get angry and horny ha! I am going to be on pills for the rest of my life...I accept that<br />
The Neurontin is the real problem. Its affecting my mind. But it helps with my anxiety which I wake up with every day now.

Yeah Kpins are a life saver. My doctor refuses to refill my Xanax script anymore, so i usual just buy Kpins on the street. They are pretty cheap. I use for anxiety purposes not to get high. Yeah i accepted that fact too. Some people need pills to function though w/e you know. Thats funny Zoloft makes you horny. Prozac, and Zoloft both make me sexually incapable of anything impressive lol... It's near impossible to get it up, and i can't ****** at all. O well lol. W/e .

no when Im OFF an antidepressant I noticed I get more..you know hehe

Yeah lol. : )

I seem to have found what is supposed to go in that hole...Parts of myself that hid when I was young.<br />
But I'll never stop having bad days I don't think.

We all have bad days i don't think that will ever stop.. Just gotta push threw them : )

Yup...Being nuts ain't for sissies.

No sir this is indeed a full time job : /

I take meds for depression and anxiety too. And probably will for the rest of my life. Oh well! I get panic attacks. I have this semi-obsession with heroin. I like to read stories about it. (Tweak, Candy)...but I would never do it. I know at first its your best friend and lover then turns on you. I do wish I had pain killers. I only need one a day to be happy. Though I'd start taking more and more :(<br />
It helps me feel so happy and motivated. Unlike antidepressants which just sit there and keep me from really sinking down the hole. I do love the Klonopin tho. Benzos are great. Ive taken too much and ran out and freaked out more than once. I'm glad you're off the H.

Thaks for the comment: ). Ya i prob will be taking them the rest of my life too. I hate it when people look at you differently when you say you take things for depression and anxiety, when they are a medical condition. Be carefull with your "Semi-Obsession with heroin" I have been obsessed with it since i was like 12 ever since i Learned about Kurt cobains heavy use of it, and it eventualy resulted in me being a full blown addict. About the pain killers, heroin in pill form in my opinon. I have been off of heroin for a while but i am still a heavy user of narcotic pain meds. I dont know if i could ever fully walk away from them. I agree they do make you happy, where as the antidepressants just sit there that is a good way to put it. I am a fan of benzos too, but i dont use them to get high they work wonders for me when i have my anxiety attacks. I would be lost without knowing that they were there incase of an anxiety attack. I am off of the h and would love to start up again, only reason i am not is cause i have a new born daughter 3 months old : ) she is so cute!! : ) I wanna see her graduate, no time to die from heroin :). I hope you stay strong and over come your anxiety and depression, i for one know it is a reall and hard thing to battle, and completly understand what your going threw. It is quite exhausting, to live with every day. Stay strong and lets both look for better days ahead!!! : ) All the best - Ry.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. I WAS ADDICTED TO BOOZE AND DRUGS FOR ALMOST 40 YEARS, ABOUY 30 OF THE I WAS A JUNKIE. I DDETOX FOR A MONTH IN 1987 AND WENT BACK OUT 5 DAYS LATER, AFTER 3 MONTH MY WIFE AND I WENT ON 6 YEARS OF METHADONE MAINTENANCE. WE DETOXED AND WERE CLEAN FOR 5 YEARS THEN WERE ON CONTROLLED ADDICTION(A FEW PERKS, BENZO OCCAISIONALLY AND POT 24/7). I HAVE 4 CONDITIONS, ALL OF WHICH CAN KILL ME, RELATED TO MY CHRONIC LIVER DISEASE(HCV AND MILD CIRHOSIS). 4 YEARS AGO, AFTER I TRIED INTERFERON FOR 13 WEEKS, I PICK UP OXYS AND WENT RIGHT BACK TO SPEED BALLS. I WENT TO AN8 DAY DETOX AND WHEN I CAME HOME JOINED AA BECAUSE OF MY WIFE AND GOT CLEAN. I WORKED THE PROGRAM HARD AND WAS DOING GOOD BUT AFTRE TWO AND A HALF YEARS I GOT ANGRY WITH MY WIFE AND PICKED UP AGAIN. NOW I HAVE 6 MONTHS IN RECOVERY AND I AM WORKING HARDER ON MYSELF AND DOING BETTER THAN EVER. AA TEACHES US HOW TO GET CLEAN AND SOBER(I DIDNT LIKE NA)AND RECOVERY SHOWS US HOW TO BE HOW TO BE HAPPY. IT ISNT EASY AND LIFE IS UP AND DOWN, BUT INSTEAD OF ACTING OUT IN ANGER, I CAN CONTROL MY ACTIONS. I LEFT THE HOUSE BCS MY WIFE STILL USES AND BOUNCED AROUND FROM FELLOW AAERS HOUSED, A WEEK HERE, 3 WEEKS THERE, ETC FOR 3 MONTHS BUT I DID NOT PICK UP AS THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH FOR ME. I AM 62 AND WAY TOO OLD FOR THAT. I FOUND A PLACE AND SOON GAVE UP MY RESENTMENT TOWARD MY WIFE(AND MYSELF) AND WORK THE PROGRAM A DAY, SOMETIMES A MOMENT. AT A TIME, LIFE ISNT ALWAYS GOOD BCS THAT IS LIFE, BUT NO MATTER WHAT, I DO NOT PICK UP OR I WILL DIE. I WAS IN BLACK DEPRESSION FOR ABOUT 2 YRS AND YESTERDAY I REALIZED I HAD NOT BEEN SEPRESSED IN 2 YRS. BENZOS ARE MUCH MORE ADDICTING THAN DOPE. THERE IS A WAY OUT BUT YOU HAVE TO GET HONEST, BE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO GET AND KEEP SOBER AND REMAIN TEACHABLE. SOBRIETY IS NOT DRUGGING WHICH MADE ME FEEL BETTER BUT RECOVERY IS WORKING THE PROGRAM AND IT MAKES US HAPPY. WE HAVE FUN AND LAUGH, NOT ALL THE TIME BUT MOST OF THE TIME. I NEVER WANTED TO BE IN AA AND HATED IT AT FIRST, BUT NOW, WITH HELP OF MY DOCTOR, MY LIVER IS STABLE AND I AM WAITING FOR A NEW TREATMENT IN A FEW YEARS. THERE IS A WAY OUT AND IT TAKES TIME AND HARD WORK. I RECOMEND THAT YOU CHECK IT OUT. IF YOU WANT IT AND WORK HARD ON YOURSELF IT WILL SAFE YOUR LIFE AND SHOW YOU HOW TO LEAD A CLEAN MOSTLY HAPPY LIFE - REALLY