Timing How Much Longer I Have..

Looking at the title.. I'm sure plenty of you looked it over and thought, well, "I have way more better stories to read" ...Fine by me, this maybe the last story I write.. I'm young, And I should be happy..looking at the bright side, so much to live for, I don't... Can have every talent in the world and I'm still overshadowed. I am depressed ALL the time, Stressed ALL the time, crying on the inside. I cut when the pain gets unbearable.. My parents are very misunderstanding, it's insulting to me when they deny my hints of trouble. I have anxiety attacks..panic... It aches, it hurts.. Yet I have to be a good boy, plant a smile on my face and keep it moving, work hard! graduate!! I currently still lack psychical therapy for my legs that are weak, muscle strength barely strong enough for me to get through the day without being in pain. Gym, now I have to sit out and what? do health PACKETS to get points to pass it?! Do they know how horrid this all stacks up on me!? .I don't have friends, I feel as if I have no family, who's left..? Death sounds so easy...so fantastic... I have my dreams...my wishes, I want to raise a kid.. make it somewhere, but I'm seeing no light in my future, I tried looking where the grass is greener, I can't.. I can't.. make it. over. the. fence... It's all over. ...I have no more fight in me, I'm trying and trying isn't good enough, I just.. quit..
1Lostcause 1Lostcause
18-21, T
2 Responses Sep 18, 2012

I know just what you mean. I'm young too. I'm currently recovering from depression. People kept telling me that I'd be okay and my parents really cared but I sure as heck didn't believe them. Truthfully, I don't know if I believe it now. But the way I stopped the crying and the worry and the hate was not the way people said. Things didn't magically get better. I just got really tired of all the crap and decided that I would be happy. Of course it's not as easy as it sounds. I just wondered what the point was to be sad and nothing would get better. I just decided that I needed to start caring about myself because no one else would do it. Now, I still have moments but then I think that I don't want any idiot to try and conduct how I feel. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy because I'm not. But...life is really short and I'd rather not spend it unhappy. Don't give up. I care, even though I don't know you. Read The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski. I don't know if it'll help but I read it when I don't see that the grass can be greener.

It is never the end. I was once you. 32 was a fantasy age. I Died at 19 of an illness, but guess what , I am still here. I am making it day by day; and you will to. You must really talk to your parents. Tell them about your world your life. Tell them how you have been feeling. I did not have that option. Believe in the future and it will be.

Thank you.. I'll try my best..

I tried, I really did but if it'll get better in the future..... I don't think I have one..I can't... Just snap out of it and claim I'm happy! it didn't work and you said it would be okay..