Talking About It Does Help

You can suffer from Depression your whole life and not realize it unitl something triggers it. 

Yes, we all get down sometimes, but real depression is a whole different ballgame.  I've been dealing with it for more years than I care to admit too.  I couldnt give you a specific thing that started it,  it was gradual, as I got older, it got worse. 

I've been to many pshchiatrist and counselors over the years, i've been in the hospital once (doing group and individ. therapy), I've tried meds, but nothing seems to  work.  The worst part is, I had to go on disability at the age of 40, and I'm home all the time by myself mostly, and that makes it worse.  The loniness is so overwhelming sometimes,, i cant see straight.  I find some solace in talking about it with my friends (only a few that I trust), and by writing and talking about it on places like this. 

I use to gamble alot, cause when i gambled, i wasnt thinking about any of the crap in my life, but in reality, the gambling made it worse because i never had money and I wanted to die when I realized how much i had lost. 

Now, i dont gamble anymore, which is good, but I still have the depression.  I've come to the conclusion that Depression is like any other illness.  It needs to be treated, not ignored.  I see my psych and take my meds, but I also take things day by day.  I do what I can do.  If i dont feel like leaving the house, i dont.  Sometimes I will go to my fav coffee house and visit with old friends and talk.  I usually come home feally better.

Everyday is a struggle, but I know that if I feel bad enough, i will call for help.  I'm not ready to check out yet (somedays, yes i do feel like it) but I must be very strong willed.

I hope this story helps some of you who are dealing with depression and lonliness.  The best advice I can give is  "Get Help", and talk till you cant talk anymore.  

46-50, F
11 Responses Jul 11, 2008

I too find that talking helps but it's got to be with the right people. Those that don't understand or don't want to understand are not helpful at all. Those that try are ok but those that truly understand, that's where to go. I have one friend that I know I can say, oh yeah I'm depressed and she knows exactly where I"m at because she's done the same thing. No matter what I can call on her when I need to. I do honestly try not to burden people with my issues but it's hard trying to keep it in and I test people to see how well they can take it but showing them a little piece of me, most of them can't and leave.

And I have to comment on Babylon's post and the part about being truly loved...and the feelings that creates. I am seeing a man right now and in the beginning he showed me love that I have never experienced before and I felt more wonderful than I ever have in my entire life and it was SO amazing to feel that way but then things changed and he stopped being so loving, he still loves me but with much less intensity, more of a mature and comfortable love but I think back on those first few months and am just in awe of how i felt....I want to feel that way again....the question is how?

Is it okay to feel depressed if you live in a home with both parents, and have a boyfriend. <br />
I do try to talk to him about it but he doesn't understand and I have no one else, no friends and my parents and I aren't close, I tried to talk to my mom about it because I feel like it has gotten worse but she just gets angry with me which makes me more depressed....sometimes i feel like I'm serving no purpose here

Depression seems to run in both sides of my family, my brother checked at 19 years old, my grandfather drank because he was depressed, it killed him, my children have it but it is more controllable and I have it but is it under control. For me the depression seemed to leave when I felt loved, truly loved that deep down emotional feeling then the depression became more controllable.

i can so relate to what you say.i often can be very depressed about the situation i'm in.and i feel that only the person IN that very sort of situation can relate.i'm epileptic since i'm 7yrs.(i'm 57 now) and i've had 2 surgeries in my left temporal lobe,neither of which really helped in lessening the number of seizures.i've had 3 surgeries on my back. 1 cervical and 2 on my lumbar spine as well.if that were'nt enough i also had encapsulated tumors in my rt. kidney and had to have that removed.<br />
the neuropathy that i deal with now is beating me down.i am,after 11yrs. just so beaten down.we have to try to over but it does get harder and harder to do.iknow that if i have the surgery needed for my s.i. seems as though there is no end to it.the seizures did'nt stop me nor did the back surgeries but once the s.i. joint worsened that was what stopped me in my tracks.i'm not sure of what to do anymore.i thank goodness for my family.for if not for them...<br />
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I have no clue why I am writing this...I don't even know if you will read this, but I wanted to say that I have heard a thousands stories just like mine, and yours too, and they all share one common thread. The fact that I have felt this way for as long as I can remember. I don't remember ever feeling "happy" just better at some times than others. Is this all life has to offer? I refuse to believe that. I have been married, and I have 4 wonderful children. With the exception of being a father, I feel my life on earth thus far is meaningless. I have spent much of my life helping others to deal with their problems, only to end up needing that type of help but not knowing where to look. Does anybody really have a positive outcome from seeing a psychiatrist? Is there a cure for us?

Hi dear friend.My doctor discovered i have adrenal insufficiency and it comes depression,diabetes,HBP,hIgh cholesteral and obesity due to steriod.I have arthritis for 25 yrs and due fo knee replacement next march.After seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist,they told me my childhood and adulthood traumas was also the cause as they were actually still in my unconscious mind.I was molested at 10 yrs and raped at 12 yrs by my adopted mother's boyfriend.I had an abnormal abortion by force and saw my baby body foetus went down the toilet bowl.Had 3 broken marriages of conveniences,5 miscarriges and 7 operations.Had 5 children that has no love and compassion for their mom.My counselling lasted only 11/2 yrs but i am still on medication.I am 61 yrs going on 62 yrs.I would like to share so that many could be help and ep provided such a wonderful platform for me.It is called a melting pot by my ep friends where all pain,sorrows,agony,heartaches and challenges of people of all walks of life were thrown in through sharings.I ONLY SHARED THIS SO THAT MANY CAN KNOW THE MOST DAMAGED WOMAN IS STILL AROUND AND THEIR PROBLEMS AND SUFFERINGS ARE NOT THE WORST.I normally do not shared this much on comments.Ihave them in my stories.I found A NEW LIFE AND MEANING NOW DAILY AND I HOPE YOU FIND IT TOO.TAKE CARE AND WERRY CHRISTMAS.

The whole sharing factor is what I find so compelling here. That and there are so many of us who share so many things in common.

It's funny, I never feel like I'm complaining or doing the self-pity thing here. I feel like I'm sharing with people who truly understand, and dont judge me. How wonderful this site is.

Depression is a pretty unbiased at who it gets. I have felt this , just like you, for as long as I can remember. I tried to Check-out , a lot when I was younger, and I finally gave up because I don't know why but GOD is keeping me here.<br />
I don't leave my yard very much. I have a neighbor and my kids. But I don't talk to them. I have a therapist and a shrink. They tell me how strong I am, But I don't feel strong.<br />
I don't feel comfortable being around people, face to face. Large crowds trigger panic attacks. So I try to find excuses not to go out until I am seriously motivated...(yardsales previously mentioned being one of them) But usually I go by myself. I do find solice in EP. I never conceived there were so many people like myself. <br />
thanks for sharing

Please dont ever feel ashamed. ALL feelings are valid!! Everyone's story is different. You can have it ALL, and still feel depressed and lonely (the rich and famous are perfect examples of this). You may want to read my story "I Think I Wasnt Meant to Be Here", as it relates to your statement of never feeling happy. You have more strength than you know,, your still here!!

After reading this I feel ashamed for feeling lonely and depressed. I have a very different life from yourself. I have many people I know and quite a few friends I could and do do trust. Still when I return home, or wake up in the morning, I want to sleep all day. I have this feeling in my head that I cant describe. I feel loveless, everything is grey. Sometimes I see a glimpse of beauty that is quickly covered by the clouds of my doubt. Sometimes I think the human race is meant to be depressed, meant to never be happy, but I know happiness exists, Ive felt it briefly once in my life. however that in turn makes it worse as I struggle to hang on to it, try to get it back. Hmm, you are far more strong willed than I am, Ive already had an attempt at "checking out" but failed. <br />
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Thankyou for sharing you story, it's these honest glimpses of humanity which sedates the depression that I feel on a daily basis.