Dying

You sit in a crowd of people. Watching them be happy, their happiness making their aura glow. Brighter than their smiles, brighter than their eyes. You sit in a packed crowd. Filling up to the brim, with people, till it just gradually pushes over. You still feel completely isolated, though. You are hanging out with you cooler, sophomore boyfriend, and all his cool friends. Yet, you could care less because you don't even notice their presence. It's as if the room was completely empty except for you, as if you were the only one that is real. More like the only one that wasn't. That's how life is to me. Since I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and given the stamp that I am a "danger to myself and others," that has what my life has been, what it has contained. I hate life. With a burning passion. I can't stand waking up every morning. I don't know why. I don't even know what brought it on. That is the thing that confuses me most. My childhood was normal. Aside from the normal foster kid, coming and going, every couple of years. I lived in a stable household. With parents that tried to care. With siblings, that were just trying to get noticed. Nothing different from the life kids dream about, nothing that someone should complain about. I am not complaining though, I loved my childhood. However, being a child means being blind from the world around you. Which I haven't accomplished in a long time. I just want to be able to say, I survived the hardest period in my life. My life is too much in control, though. Soon I am not sure if I will even be able to say, I have a life.
Sceamers Sceamers
13-15, F
Dec 2, 2012