Need To Let Go.

I joined this because I'm at my wits end, tonight I think I may be having my final thoughts about my life. I'm young and live on my own, because that's my only choice. I do what I "have to do" to even eat. I'm at the lowest point and there is no one I can talk to, I need something, I am literally screaming for help, the only way I know how. I can't remember the last time I haven't had a heavy feeling on my chest, my heart is constantly heavy. At the ago of twelve, I was raped by a boy two years older than me, I tried to reach out, no one believed me, I told me friends, no one believed me. Six years later, I think about it, and cry myself to sleep. I've never had a steady relationship in my life, and this includes family. Self harm was my way out, once again, I just got in "trouble" for doing what I did. I numb myself with whatever I can get my hands on. I've attempted suicide twice, I was not successful, I took nearly 30 prescription pills on two occasions, on the second try, I took almost a whole bottle of Advil, plus the other pills. I can't pick up my phone and call anyone. I know there are people with problems way worse than mine, and that's why I feel so pathetic.

I've tried to reach out, no one will take this seriously. The demons in my mind will eat me alive if I don't take care of it, I need to do this, I need a sign, I need someone. I hope I can find a sign, I'm ready to go.