I Cant Find My Love

Going up and down roads, looking couples together , loving each-other and and talking in happiness.I just cry and look at them....Why is reason ? Im gay :'(..It kills me.I praktise a lot with men .I go but not having sex I just want to love someone.I want to give myself to someone to love someone to sleep and to go aout with him.TO BE PROUD WITH HIM.To make everything for him.BUT NOPE.here is not the right place.I occupet.They dont accept me.Even I dont want to acccept myself.I dont want to be like thisI hate myself, I hate mylife.I have no friend to talk this story which is killing me inside.I cant open my heart with friends because Im going to lose them.I HAVE NO VISION FOR MY LIFE.i dont have clear vision for my future.Sometimes i try to kill myself by drinking something , crashing in the car , etc etc.But it doesnt function.I HATE LIFE , I HATE GOD THAT CREATED ME LIKE THIS , I HATE MYSELF .......I was born from love I want to live with love , but i erased the word HAPPINES in my life
edmonts edmonts
18-21, M
Jan 21, 2013