Getting Out And Going BackThe first time I was diagnosed with clinical depression, I was somehow relieved that my misery is not all my fault. I was still miserable though. I realize now that it is much more difficult every time I recover, then go back to depression.
I am very much scared right now. I do feel like I am on my way back to this dark empty hole that I have been trying to avoid all this time. It is harder to accept that I cannot escape this illness. Even though I have medicines to manage my mood swings, it doesn't guarantee a cure. It haunts me every single time that there is a huge chance of me getting back to being depressed. It is hard to fight and the burden gets heavier each time.
I don't want this to go on but it seems like I don't have much of a choice. I don't even know if I still want to survive this or just end it like how I plan to do. I'm just confused and frustrated.