I haven't posted on here in a long time. It hasn't even been a year since I was put in the mental hospital. Ever since then it has been a real struggle to try and feel at least the slightest bit of happiness. But when I do and it goes away I feel even worse. It's like I'll be really, truly happy for maybe a day or two but when it's over it becomes difficult to try and accept the fact that I have to go back to how I feel every day. My senior year just started and it doesn't seem too bad. It's still extremely difficult to face those people though. But my depression is still creeping around the corner and my parents aren't making it any easier. They decided to intrude on one of my therapist appointments to talk about everything they thought was wrong with me even though I know I can't help who I am. I guess it's just days like this of extreme loneliness that make me look down on myself and all the things that I regret in my life that I wish I could change, including the faint scars on my arm that I try so hard not to look at. Days like this really make you want to lock yourself in the room and get to know that piece of metal again. But I will try my hardest to forget that urge so I won't have to keep looking at my arm every day and feeling the regret of letting my depression take absolute control of me. Who knows, maybe I can keep myself from ever picking up a blade again. Reading others stories really does help to remind me that I'm not alone in how I feel and maybe I'll be able to do the same for someone who feels just as lonely as me.
MalevolentWonderland MalevolentWonderland
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 15, 2014

its so sad... plz make a friend....

You'll be fine :)