My boyfriend calls me debbie downer, because he always says i mope and rarely smile so he tries alot to make me . i cant completly explain to anyone why im like this but i have tried to let him know. Just not sure how to get past things ive been through. I know he means well and im glad we found each other again but still i ask him and myself why didnt u marry me years ago, we were together longer than his ex and he was but we never even got engaged. He cant answer that and i believe theres something missing from myself that is why ive never been married..that im not good enough, there must be! Another thing is the daughter i gave up for adoption more than 2 years ago..i do have a son that i raised whos 20 but i was in a bad place when i had her and couldnt support myself let alone a baby, noone would hire me i was getting evicted at the time ..however i think of her everyday and i know that shes better off with her new family ..those are my worse issues at the moment ..wish i could be happy or at least content with where im at now but i dont know how!
rainbowless1 rainbowless1
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 16, 2014

wow reading this at first I thought you were younger. I know exactly where you are, hell im in the same fking boat and there isnt a good answer. Pretty much why I dont express my problems or pain anymore, even physical pain. It puts people off and no one, almost no one wants baggage. Its a selfish thing but its not necessarily wrong. I do think what they say is true you cant love someone else until you love yourself. But for those of us where that isnt really a possibility, thats where things get difficult. I suppose you mask what bothers him and do what he wants until hes comfortable enough to give back. If he never feels like helping you when your depressed even still, then you dont belong with him and your better off alone even though its not an appealing choice either. Fight bordem and find a purpose for you, that drives you to keep moving forward. Its vague because you have to define purpose yourself, but thats the best I got unfortunately.

For me, I dedicate parts of my life to making others I care about happy when I cant be myself. Its a bit apathetic but it gives me purpose.

He tries to make me laugh everyday mostly by acting goofy and i always tell him to stop and he sometimes gets aggravated that he cant get me to smile and then we hardly talk because hes frustrated because it doesnt work and i am feeling even worse after that . I am glad you found things to give yourself motivation and move ahead ..wish i could that easily

why would you tell me to stop? Ill make it simple, if he cant make you laugh and doesnt make you happy, then what the ******* hell are you doing with him?!

sorry but to me the way he acts to try and get me to smile is stupid, and it never works but i deal with it because he just wants to see me smile..he doesnt get that it wont work for me no matter how many times i explain ..but i dont know maybe one day it will?

You are your own worst enemy... Start your day w/positive thoughts. Sounds like you are better off today than 2 years ago. :)

Easier said then done. There's nothing more annoying then the positivity speech.

I'm sorry. Just speaking from my experience.

Dont apologize I appreciate all responses ..Thank you

People Crame that you need to be more positive and you need to think positive down my throat all the time and it just grates on my nerves. I've read so much on how to break negative thought patterns but none of it works.

agreed ..i dont think positive thoughts work for everyone ..we are all different and I personally refuse to act fake so that the world can deal with me

thank, you, god. I wonder if anyone who doesnt suffer from serious depression gets this at all. Nothing I hate more than "if your sad just think happy". FUUUUUUCKKK YOU!

Thank you for giving me a reason to smile today! I cant stand fake people that bend themselves into what others might want them to be

Amen

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