I have been alone for so long it is starting to eat at me. I have no friends and can open up my soul too. I have always been anti social but through 8th grade i went to a catholic school which helped. Seeing as there were only 40 kids in the whole class everyone knew every one, though i did have one friend i could trust.
High school comes along and he completely changed, leaving me in the dark. My only choice was to keep up, but that was a bad choice. I regret all of high school.
Now i am 20 years old still living it home with no friends and no one i can trust. To put the cherry on top i havent had a girlfriend in 2 years, which can make lonely days even lonelier.
As much as i love to be alone, and enjoy the silence, i wish i could just come home from work and get a hello kiss or just a hey how was work with maybe a snack. I want some one to do activities with but im so scared of people that i won't do anything about it.
My brain is constantly at war with itself and it is taking my soul with it.I have been lost for so long i dont even know where i am or where i am going.
screaminsmileout screaminsmileout
22-25, M
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

I thought I was reading my own thoughts. This is so me, I am very shy, very antisocial and I try not to open myself to people because I'm afraid to be judged. I prefer stay home listening to my alternative music, watching anime, or Korean drama. It always makes things better. I don't trust people either, I'm very paranoid about it. I feel more comfortable just being alone myself I'm not the type of person that people want to be surrounded of, so why bother..I'm turning 21 soon and I guess my present is going to be classes, homework and work..my work lol just started a work as a cashier and guess what? the workers even the owners say they miss the old employee, seems they got affection for her, but I guess I just gotta accept I'm not that charismatic and lovely girl like the one they are missing, I'm just myself imprisoned in my own world..some times I wish to be another person, someone who see the world bright with a huge rainbow every morning I wake up..but it is just useless. I got a boyfriend, but he is so far away from me, the only hour I feel "fine" is when I talk to him in the night through skype..I guess you know what is like to wanna surrender, at least I know that I'm not the only one feeling like this..and I know I'm not helping much, but just letting you know that I know how you feel.

Then get into hobbies that bring you some joy and satisfaction. With hobbies that involve others, then you can mix with like minded people.
Try "The Big Brother - Little brother program" Thus is run by the YMCA in your city.
The best gift that you can give you - it to daily meditate. This will help your mind war going on. Also you will connect to your soul. Just even to start with a few minutes each day.
You to you is your most important relationship. When we build up our self worth and self love, we stand strong to meet all the ups and downs in life.
You are the KEY to your happy place in life.
With relationships - they will press our buttons. Most when they get pressed they react in a way that causes more life hassles.
Remember your thoughts are not the truth of who you are.
Quote for you:
It is an orderly universe, and the suffering that comes to us has a purpose in our lives-it is trying to teach us something. We should look for its lesson. Peace Pilgrim