I am 16 years old, living in a small town, at a catholic school. I come from a broken home, so I am raised by only my dad.
I am in the closet, but I still get bullied everyday for being to girly. I don't have any friends at school and this has made me awkward growing up, leading to even more bullying from teacher and peers. If I come out of the closet at school I won't be safe.
I used to have one friend at school, but he betrayed me for a bit of fun.
The only person in the world who can understand me broke up with me, because she came to realize she isn't actually attracted to girls and it was just a phase and I want to be a girl, she left me. It was only a long distance relationship anyway, but it was the only relationship I have ever had. Now I see her making all the wrong choices in suitors, but she never listens to me. All her relationship result in her telling me I was right about him. I kills me to see her hurt. She is like a sister to me now. She is the reason I don't cut, because she cuts and it always makes me sad.
There is also a girl I like that is a lot like me. This is someone I met in real life. She is a lot like me. When I told her I am trans, she said she is bisexual. I then asked her out, but she said no. I still like her and she is one of the few people I care about, but there is nothing I can do.

My depression is getting worse. The pains in my chest never stop hurting, I am losing so much weight because I find it hard to eat and the head-aches in one part of my head hurts so much when I can feel the blood pulsing through it. I haven't told my family about my depression. I have been trying to see the school councilor, but she is never available.
I want to get better really bad so I can stop failing at school. I want to get good grades to get into a good university, to get a job in game development and one day start my own business in it.
OtakuDana OtakuDana
18-21, T
2 Responses Aug 18, 2014

I send you my love sweat heart. I am in America and I know about being bullied by peers AND teachers. I used to cut when I was your age, I am 36 now and the scars remind me everyday. Don't give up and if you must cut to relieve some pain, do it somewhere inconspicuous because soon your world will change dramatically for the better I promise, and when that happens you don't want scars to remind you of the religious **** hole you were in. I wish I would have cut my butt cheek instead of all over my arms, hahah just trying to make you laugh sweet heart. It SUCKS right now, trust me you are not alone. I do not know you, but I am thinking about you now and I will be thinking of you tomorrow and there after. Take care, keep your head strong, I know its annoying when people tell you that hoping to make you feel better, but I mean it, your almost out of this ****, hang in there and know you are in my thoughts and the only thing that will never change is change. Soon you will be an adult and you can be yourself and you will gravitate towards people who are similar to you. Parades, the whole nine yards. And when you are 21 hopefully you can come to Las Vegas, NV and see me, I will take you (and a friend or friends who would like to join you:) to some really good gay bars. Just imagine the gay bars in Las Vegas and how much fun we will have. Your imagination will get you through this hell hole of ****. I know you will get through it, and I hope to meet you in about 5 years:) Janet

Hi, I'm 27 and have recently come out to my close friends. I also struggled with depression when I was at school but didn't realise what it was. I was at boarding school and shared a room with my best friend (who I had a major crush on). I talked to my House Tutor (like a welfare officer in the boarding house) alot and she was really helpful. Even though I didn't realise I was depressed, looking back talking to her about everything (except being gay) definitely made it easier. Is there no adult that you can confide even some of your problems in? I totally understand not wanting to come out of the closet yet. It's taken me over 10 years but when you do feel ready, it is the most liberating experience. I worked at a residential project for a month and met a girl and came out to her and for the month I was openly gay and it was the best thing I did. It made me realise that there is nothing to be ashamed of and that being open about it makes life a lot better. But I wouldn't want to have come out before I felt ready. Just one night it seemed like the right thing to do. I hope that this will happen for you sooner rather than later.