I am 25 years old, living in Buckinghamshire, England
I am in the early stages of setting up my own gardening and landscaping business, I have been in a relationship with a person i believed to be my soul-mate since February 2012 and just two weeks ago she broke my heart. Now for the last few months things have not been perfect. We were fighting over silly things and not getting on as well as we used to. However i never expected what happened next. She went for a tarot reading and when she came home she broke up with me. She told me that i was the loveliest person and the best boyfriend she has ever had but the cards and reader told her that i was not the one for her. However she still wants me as a friend and to be in her life. I dont know how to deal with all of this and feel as if i am lost, broken a shadow of my former self. We booked a holiday together last october and a lot of friends are also going so i cant back out for fear of ruining everyones opinion of me. But the holiday requires me my ex and a friend of ours driving 1300 miles together. And im not sure if i can keep it together. I dont want to put pressure on her by begging her to get back with me but every second i spend without her is utter agony. I have never felt so strongly about a person before and feel that by letting her go i am making the biggest mistake of my life. I am unsure of her true feelings as she wont speak on the matter but i know from a friend of mine she spoke to that she has some regrets and when asked if there was any hope of us getting back together her reply was that she did not know. I am at the end of my tether emotionally and feel as if this is tearing whats left of me apart. How does one continue when all hope is lost?
Thepunishedpilgrim Thepunishedpilgrim
26-30, M
5 Responses Aug 18, 2014

Okay then i went on the trip and it was very difficult and stressful at times but for the most of it we had a good time but i knew that she was trying to hide something from me, on our journey home my suspicion became too great. I grabbed her phone when she wasn't around and found out she was texting someone who we both knew. Texting messages like "I cant wait to see you again xxxx" "I know me neither Im on my way home now. Soooooo excitedxxxxxxxx" there were more that i wont publish because of their content and how much it hurts me to think about it. Now this is where it gets interesting because one of my friends who was also going to the festival with us has a large cocaine habit and his dealer went on holiday so he started smoking crack with this guy that she is now seeing, it all started out of concern for our friend aparrently she met up with this guy to talk about our friend and one thin led to another. This was a couple of days after she broke up with me and before the trip i asked her was she seeing anyone and she said she wasn't. I told her how hurt i am by the whole thing and she admitted that she kept it from me in order to avoid hurting me. I feel like a fool. The guy she is now involved with is into heroin and crack and im very worried about what could happen. Ive told her this but her reply was that she is not stupid and she is single now so she can do what she wants. I dont know why i still care but i do. I can accept that we wont be partners again but she is a wonderful person that i still want as a friend.

I am currently going through the same thing my friend, I know how hard it is, but it starts to get easier, I'd just say don't do anything you're uncomfortable with, don't think about what anyone else wants, only what you want, because at the end of the day a lot of people are always going to put themselves first, and this is the time you need to put yourself first. If you think it'll be too much travelling with her then don't do it, it'll only put you in more pain in the long run, and I really hope things work out for you.

Dnt go to the trip u need to grieve if she dnt want u no more she's losing something special n someone else out there will want wat u want

Thanks for your reply. I am trying to remind myself that there is hope. But i cant see past the dark clouds that smother my soul. I know this will change in time. But the phantoms of our past torment me with every passing second.

acting is something bad for the real life.. but sometimes you need to act.. try to act like you dont care about her anymore.. try to focus on yourself .. be selfish.. one day she will come back to ask whats wrong with you.. then just explain her that you didnt do anything wrong.. you cant run after someone like a dog! cos you're not a dog! and if she doesnt come that one day.. then so what? this world is big.. come on dear.. its something hard to go through.. but your life is much more worth .. you have been with her 2 years.. and what about your other 23 years? just follow your goals and dreams.. everything will come when it should come.. run behind your dreams and work for it..but not for any people in this world!

Thanks for your reply. I am trying desperately to ignore and move on but i live in the area that she grew up in and all my friends were orriginally her friends and i have been trying to keep as little contact as possible because i dont want it to seem as if i am turning her mates against her. But then i feel lonely and alone. I have no one to talk to about my feelings on a daily basis and this makes me feel very sad. Today i have done nothing but lay in bed and cry wishing things were different. I cant face staying in this area and watching the woman i love moving on and forgetting everything we used to be. But equally the only way i can support myself is by staying where my business is.

Try to meet new people.. Or my maybe your old people from your ealy life.. Like old classmates.. Go for movies... Shopping.. Shopping is a medicine!

I'm so sorry but you need to distance you from your ex, you can't be friends and you absolutely should not go on this trip if she's going, (she should back out)
she sound weak, who breaks up because of some tarrots-cards?!
Start taking care of yourself, exercise a lot!
Find hope again.

Thank you for your reply.I suppose the only reason i am willing to endure this trip is because deep down i dont want to believe that its over And see this as my last chance to show her she was wrong and that we do belong together. I know this must seem pathetic to you But its the only shred of hope i have left.

I know that feeling all too well, but I've found out the the best way to get over someone (even though you don't want to) is to cut that person out of your life and begin a new one by yourself and by that (taking care of yourself and being independent) you show them how wrong they really were.