For the last two years I have been dealing with constant depression. I had trouble with money for school, and medical bills for breaking my foot on campus, then my bf at the time getting into a fatal accident, 5 close family members dying, etc. things never got better. I started trying to look for things that would boost my esteem, but that only put a strain on the relationship I had. He did not understand the mental breakdown I was having. I soon had a full blown anxiety attack during intimacy where I ended up in the hospital. The med they gave me made me suicidal.

Now currently things between me and him are complicated, but besides that I feel completely alone, I had to leave the college, my friends are far away, my parents were never their, and I just feel completely lost.

At night I would have to hold myself together with a blanket to feel as though someone is actually there. But all I do is shake and rock and repeat "I don't want to live anymore" until I pass out. Reading helps me to a point. But life has become so gray where idk how to just be anymore. Anything I feel out of line, even if it's just talking to a stranger, I feel guilty like I'm doing something wrong and hate myself more... I'm falling apart.
MysticallyForbidden MysticallyForbidden
22-25, F
6 Responses Aug 21, 2014

if you kill yourself, you have to reborn to live the life you used to have alone. Do you know that?

I'm trying so hard... I don't have enough strength to do anything about my "I don't want to live" thoughts, but all this hurts...

Hi dear,

Forget abut your bf and pp around. Dont burry yourself in sorrow or diseases. We are too small so we have to save our lives alone

Its just so hard >.<

god is with u ...dont worry..

Its gonna be ok.i know how you strong.xx

Thank you... Its so hard to be strong when everyone around me is so oblivious and don't believe how completely gone I am... Im trying so hard... :,/

Hey, I get it.
All of what you are feeling, I understand
*hugs tightly trying to take all the pain away*

Thank You ~hugz~