Hi, I'm new and I've found myself hovering in various posts on this site, reading and exploring but never joining in until now.. I suppose for a long time I have found comfort in the stories of others on here at times when I have been feeling desperately low. I have suffered with depression and BPD for as long as I can remember, and have battled maladaptive coping mechanisms such as self harm and eating disorders to try and deal with that. I currently have been suffering with anorexia in varying degrees of severity for 6 years.
2 months ago, I left an abusibe marriage to a partner of 2 years, and everything leading up to this point has been a whirlwind of misery and destruction. I went from a family home ruled by my fathers alcohol addiction and my mothers tactless rants and depression, to suffering sexual abuse, to a string of just awful destructive relationships, drugs, abusing alcohol myself, to living in a hostel miles from home with a partner, to him leaving me and being alone in the hostel and a strange place, to attempting suicide, to being entrapped into a new horrendously abusive relationship while I was vulnerable, falling pregnant and marrying my abuser, to finally leaving when my son was born and finding myself now totally and utterly alone, terrified, lost, helpless and sad. I just feel empty. Like what the hell do I do now. My son is the only thing keeping me going and getting me out of bed in the morning. I just feel so desperately lonely and broken and don't know where to turn. My husband made my life so desperately small and isolated, so now I have no one but myself- who frankly, I don't much like. I look back at my shambles of a life so far and I wonder if I will ever be able to create a happy home and life for myself and my beautiful boy. He saved my life and I'm so afraid everything I touch just falls apart- so what if I destroy his? I'm only 22 yet I feel as though I have lived 10 lifetimes of pain and sometimes I can't even see a future. I'm ashamed to admit that.
I just need some support or guidance or love so badly.
Sending love to everyone. Thank you for reading.
r00bear r00bear
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 23, 2014

• Needs Food It Gets Strong By The Promises Of God
• Needs Hearing Environment Ish 11;12
• Or It Will Chew On The Negative- Invest In The Mind
• Need Pictures Turning Goals Into Picture- Self talk Conversation- God’s World Contains Faith Needs Protect The Mind -Its Fragile -Have trouble With Mind,
• Mind Keeps Track -No Body Sees What You Experience
• Feed On psalms 119, 91 37 Wash The Mind, Absorb We Succeed With The Mind, A Focus An Instruction, Judas And John Has The Same Mentor
• We Can Have A Relationship With God But Not Through The Law.
• Talk Your Way Out, Sow Your Way Out A Walking Ware House Of Seed- by the words bought to us from heaven. Jesus bought it to us. it Leaves The mouth And Goes Into The Future.

He cant hold you, Christ bought you back. god has healed you in his son, because he paid for all your suffering, accept it and live in a relationship with him.

Welcome to ep..

Thank you so much

Thanks. Sending Love back.

Your son is your light. No matter how glim life is, he will brighten your day.

Try to take baby steps. Yes, even adults need to take baby steps sometimes since they can't always jump through life quickly. We all fall and stumble through difficulty.

Be patient and try to find work that can at least pay rent, bills and food. Slowly things will get better. For me, after 1 year things started getting better financially because I showed them I provide quality work. I hope things get better for you financially.

As for love, I hope someone finds you and takes care of you and your child. I hope you don't feel so sad after that.

Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, it has helped so much reachingout and realising people do care and that I'm not as alone as I feel..
Much love